Huge Life Purpose Seeking = Distraction?

There are a few things I feel could be possible paths to a purposeful life in this regard, and I am trying to for-cast here because I’m not quite there yet myself:

1) That by slowing down and focusing on being healthy you allow inspiration to come in naturally. As if purpose is something that comes to you, or is innate in you and just needs to be brought out.

2) That just as finding purpose could distract us from health and general inspiration, it also may distract us from general hobbies and fun. It is possible that these hobbies are stepping stones to bigger things or at least they are things a part of us doesn’t want to see left not finished. The difference between helping the whole world in some huge way that only you could do, and the same but helping one person, may only be a difference in scale. It could be that by setting our sights super high initially we psych ourselves out because we can’t find a way to inspiration for such a big goal, or even find the goal itself.

3) That a larger purpose may come out of the smaller things you like doing. At least in that you would interact with many people and can be a positive influence on them. You can want to have a huge purpose in life and there are infinite ways to get there. However, those ways become more visible the higher up you go with what you enjoy doing. For instance, if you write a short story, then you meet a guy who writes comics and make a comic. Or you realize you could turn it into a novel, ect. Just as you will be inspired to do a basic thing, once you do that thing, you may be inspired to do something that builds on that basic thing.

If you decide you want to make a movie right now when you haven’t done anything remotely close to it, your in a hard place. You will have to think of an idea and write a story first. If you have already wrote a novel, deciding to make a movie wont be as big a step because you already have the basic idea down.

So basically a new possible way of thinking about this is you have to start from your basic inspiration and let it build on what you’ve produced. Once you’ve produced stuff, you will see a bunch of new possibilities based on those things and connections between them and then you can build out.


Fun For Youtube: Find Intrigue then dive deep into understanding it

So what I have been thinking about this weekend, is the focus on fun. I’m am feeling more and more like the future will depend to some extent on people having fun. By “fun” I mean attaining higher levels of happiness, joy, passion, feeling alive, ect. Well, I guess you could say I’ve been distracted even from that because I’ve actually been focusing on how the fun I plan to have, could translate into a form of value for other people.

See I am creative in general, but mostly I don’t do as much with it as some other types. At least, I don’t do as much on the outside. However, on the inside things are happening.

I wonder if I could just extrovert those things that happen in my head, just express myself more fully, would would be the result. I’ve already learned lately that in conversation, the more I am able to say what is on my mind (where it’s invited) the more value and enjoyment I end up bringing to the converation. Even negative opinions of someone, if said in the right way, will come across as not a complaint but as a humorous observation of my own disliks.

Anyways, here is the brainstorm of the solo activities I enjoy and where I feel I could add value to an audience:

Books – On the rare occasion that I’m reading a book, I am not the type to just say “that was a good read”. If I am reading a book, a book I like, I will be making connections to other concepts for the duration of that read. Sadly I think reading a book is not video worthy, but the discussion about what I’ve read might be.

Also, while I enjoy writing story ideas, it could be more efficient to instead of trying to put the random inspirations into something. I could just speak about them as they come up. This leads me to, when watching a movie and I think, well wouldn’t it be cool if this happened instead. I could voice that idea.

Music – Just nodding my head wouldn’t work. However, if I can go in deep about what exactly the song makes me feel, (like I have done in some comments, with great response) I feel like I could be adding some value there as well. I could even do this with my own songs, as well as more popular songs, or just a wider variety. Also I could accept other people reccommenting me songs as people love to do. I get it. The value that comes from reccomending ones tastes to someone else. It’s like, the chance to form a connection with someone else based on something very deep. That’s gold.

Movies are one where you could actually watch and do commentary while watching. It would be like what I do anyways in my head. Something strikes me and I just go off on a tangent and think about something for a few minutes. I could have that process outloud. Ect.

Video games, same thing. I mean there are games that are enjoyable for the gameplay and for me it would be stuff like smash bros, starcraft, mtg. That stuff is goal oriented, competition oriented stuff which is also fun (with other people) but it’s not the thing I seem to fight for the most. At least, in the past it hasn’t been the thing, or the only thing, I’ve fought for. Zelda 64 was all about just exploring and learning more about the world and about people and their perspectives through the worlds they create.

Now, this is just sticking to stuff that is fun. I’m sure people could learn from watching the way I do dishes. It’s just that that might not be as attractive, as fun. So it would be better to learn possibly the same ideas, but through something I actually find fun.

I’m now wondering how much can be learned from me, just being myself, instead of actually trying to make a name as a teacher. I wonder if the the foundations of my cognitive style could somehow be summed up in how they are expressed why I am enjoying myself. This would be very valuable I think. However, it seems at least right now, that much of my congitive developement, happened through me trying to solve the problems to get me to this point. Trying to reach a state of passion and enjoyment in life, and connection with people, and meaning.

It is possible, especially with the music analysis, if I focus on the emotions, that I could be leading people in more emotional/spiritual exploration and that this would be as/if not more important than the reasoning that got me here.

I am kind of shifting to the focus of value more than fun at this point. Iunno, maybe I shouldn’t. I think I now focusing on it for the sake of seeing if I have somehting worth putting on youtube, and something good for humanity.

Anyways, so I kind of feel like that sweetspot for me for engagement, would be letting people recommend me songs and also my choice of songs being stuff more than just I enjoy. Then leading the views through my emotional analysis of myself as I listen to these songs. Not just for them, but also for me, as it would be a form of learning about myself and about the world and other perspectives. Also it activates my imagination in a far more natural way than if I just sat down trying to create stories.

Oh, this sounds familiar. I realized the same thing about learning Chinese today. I don’t enjoy making up stories just for the sake of productivity. I’d much rather be making a story based on guessing of what actually could be. It’s a form of exploration, or wonder. Sometimes that wonder is initiated by some random thought or sight or occurance. However, in cased where a person has created a sort of mystery, my imagination can often run wild in search of possibilities.

So there could be this natural trend in my productivity where I do best when I have something in front of me that is intriguing. Wether it is a written language, or my own emotional reactions to something. Also I guess you could say this creativity is a good form of problem solving and that the more indepth I can go with my digging, the more other could benifit.

The secret here seems to be in finding things that generate that intrigue. Not all things do this. Physics doesn’t often seem to do this. It’s just to of this world for me. I see possibilities far beyond it.

Writing with the reader in mind to increase following and thus fulfillment + a motivational hack from language learning

The first idea, about increasing your reach, is about making sure as many people see you works as possible.

The inspiration for this idea is that feeling you get when you share an amazing insight you’ve stumbled upon with someone close to you, to find that that insight is not valued by them as much as you hoped. The problem is not that they don’t see the value in your insight. Everyone is different and so something useful to you may not be useful to someone close to you. Especially if they are like you in that they also come up with insights useful to them. This is not to say you shouldn’t share, you should share when you feel it’s important. What I’m getting at is that if you don’t have a large enough audience, you may touch the people you ough to be trying to touch, and you may always go feeling like you haven’t been living to you highest potential.

So my suggestion to you (as well as myself) is that you make a point of increasing your reach, not for the fame or fortune, but because with a wider net, you get truer feedback on just how valueable you information is and on how many people you can truly help. Which means you get more fulfillment regardless of the money, although that would surely follow.

Increasing range can be done in many way, commenting on other peoples blogs is a good one, but I want to suggest one that most people try to do already but maybe not with enough zeal and something some of us have never found the motivation to do yet.

My suggestion is to work on your craft a little every day.

What I mean by this is to form a habit of writing your thoughts, not just in a style of someone writing in a journal to themselves. (not to say don’t do this) I’m suggesting though that you write in a form, no matter how complex the ideas, that other people will be able to gain the most from. Do a little bit, (an hour or 30 min or even less, going through previous works and rewriting them (in a new blog even) in a way that is audience focused.

The secret to the motivation to make it a habit.

The motivation here is just as it is with language learning.
As long as you do something, everyday, you can continue to say you are learning such and such a language, and you are writing such and such a book. It’s when you haven’t been doing that thing, that you are failing to live up to that part of who you believe you can be.

Thank-you for reading, I hope you enjoyed. If you have anythoughts to add or questions, please feel free to comment below and I will respond asap!

Jogging for Increased Inspiration/Direction cont.

        Is it that I stop believing in what I love of is it that I stop loving what I love enough to believe in it regardless of if it’s actually worthy. Iunno, I wonder if after jogging, i will still feel like moving out somehow while still doing school or is that just something that comes from feeling not in control and seeking that feeling from external environment instead of from personal health. I think it’s possible that I’ve solved the issue of wanting to do creative writing in order to move out but not being able to create because of  lack of motivation or inspiration. I realize that I don’t have inspiration when I’m focused on money more than the joy, but also because when I haven’t been jogging, this causes both lack  of inspiration and a lack of belief that what I’m doing is worthy for it’s own right and might even pay off.

        When I have been jogging, I seem to feel like what I’m doing is productive even if it’s entertainment, I mean entp entertainment, so creative things, of course, it will be original and valuable. Not everyone should be a doctor, someone has to make the toys, music, ect. Whatever else someone is inspired to do, regardless of whether or not they are paid, if it feels worthy enough the gamble should be taken maybe. It seems jogging increases both feelings that passion is worthy AND the level of creativity that goes into that passion. So maybe it isn’t because I didn’t have money that I felt I could do what I wanted, but hat because of not jogging that I could feel what I wanted to do, and maybe make money through that ,, otherwise do it prolifically and, be doing what I want, regardless.

        Sure living at home may feel like I’m depending on other people, and getting support, but people seem to be fooled into thinking that means I’m not taking responsibility for myself. When in fact I do nothing but that, and have never expected handouts, but am nothing but focused on what is worthy for me to focus on. Also when I jog, I don’t focus on how to be happy or have an awesome life, cause I already have it after that so I’m just focusing on enjoying it which takes lots of creativity. Also I wonder if I’m more curious after jogging, as curiosity and anxiety are opposing emotional state. Also I just feel like when I’m not jogging , I don’t have time to be curious cause I’m too worried about feeling worthy ect. Where as after jogging I am more interested in enjoying myself which curiosity is a part.

        So all this actually begs the question, is there any point even trying to accomplish things on days like today where I didn’t get enough sleep and when thoughts about my future career potential are creeping back in. I realize that my brain is becoming wired to approach my life in a way I feel is more on the pessimistic side. So I have the option of either entertaining that opinion and obsessing over those things until my next jog and good night’s sleep, trying to focus on what I think I would focus on if I were inspired, or just do nothing except maybe go for a walk, watch something online, and hope sleep takes me sooner that way. It seems actually like the smarter thing would be the later option.

        I also wonder after the increase in direction I felt after jogging, if we do all have an internal compass or source of direction for contributing the most good to the world, even if it doesn’t fall within one of the few categories that exist for that right now. I mean, I guess there are some people who don’t really give it too much thought as to what they want to do, they just already know and it already exists as a category for them to fall into. However, for others I feel it is not at all that simple. I mean, I wonder if it is actually extremely simple, but just lacking social support.

For example, the way I feel I would be heading if I kept jogging and kept improving in mood would be I guess focusing on finding more and even high level forms of fun/spiritual development. Such as story writing, music, philosophy and psychology study, game design(not video game necessarily), ect. I would be focused on that, not on how to “make a living” or how to “support myself”. You see, I’m not here to prove I can support myself. While it is good to have a part time job or two going while I’m in school, if I don’t have to support myself yet, why would I build an empire around that which distracts me from doing what I feel is closer to my authentic productive drives. I mean I hope what I do helps people enough that they pay me, but more importantly I want to do what is the truest expression of me as a life.


Curiosity: Physical + Intellectual Edutainment:Rock-climbing, urban exploration, free-running

Introduction: Observations I couldn’t piece together for the longest time:

As a kid I found a sense of awe when I looked at huge structures, huge buildings.

I felt a sense of awe when in elementary school we were aloud to use the monkey gym but as I grew older I couldn’t see the purpose in climbing something like that.

I felt the same about the structure of videogame worlds/levels.(Zelda)

I felt the same about most novel spaces that had structure

I didn’t feel the same by just looking at pictures, I felt the need to interact.

I don’t really feel the same about natural structures, or way less often, this says something as will be shown in a moment.

Why is this physical exploration of architecture meaningful?:

I had a dream once that I was in my best friends mind and it was this maze with tunnel slides that I could go down but I realized eventually that they were too steep to climb back up again and feared being trapped. This last one is a clue that I perceive and value and am awed and find curiosity in man made structures. I think it is because of how these structures represent the cognitive style of the human who built them. I could just look at blue prints and pictures and even interactive graphics but I would much rather physically enjoy the places. Just like I would rather read a story rather than simply read a bunch of facts. I guess experiencing the architecture physically allows me to experience and wonder at the reasoning behind it, the though processes behind it, in a more natural way.

The reason this is so important for me to realize is because I always thought, way are we exercising, what is the point if there is nothing to get strong for? Just to be strong? Now, at least for me, I realize I can get strong for and by urban exploration/free running/climbing where I find meaning and build knowledge.

Note: all these recent developments came about when I said f*ck money, I want meaning in my life.

Links: Good free running vids(vids that brought me to this epiphany):

and first I was watching speed running vids of ff8 and Chrono-Trigger thinking I’d find cool thoughts based on those…

Video game:     

Rock climbing girl:

Real life exploration:

I might want to try and tweak this or find something that pairs exploration and more specific body-building style training




Now the last post leads me to the thought that just reading and watching stuff all day would become pretty unhealthy pretty fast.

Journal 17/04/2014 Meaningful Directions for ENTP Brainstorm: Public Policy, social work, philosophy, investing

Technology alone would not give me a sense of purpose because it doesn’t give me as much of a sense of power as philosophy does because most of my problems have been solved by philosophy, not technology. However, do I even want to work on starting a business, or do I want to focus on making a more people oriented change on the world. My background in dragonball z, sword of truth, ect, has given me a sense of heroism. Or maybe I was just attracted to that idea. Also I seem to always been in the midst of some interpersonal intercultural conflicts and unlike most people, I deal with them in healthy ways so that I retain my health.

I don’t think I’ll ever find programming as meaningful as I’ll find interpersonal conflict resolution. On the one hand, I feel like social work is me doing good only because people have issues. With programming I am creating value that I don’t see as valuable compared to social work. Also I feel like my ideas are more valuable that coding web development or personal training of one person at a time. I guess as far as creating value, I would focus on investing strategically, and hiring people to do shit, not on doing the minor detail stuff. Expect when totally necessary which is never otherwise I would be doing that because it would mean it was meaningful enough because if it’s something important but no one wants to do it, maybe I would. Working in policy would give me the ability to use my strengths and focused o he big picture of society and changing it for the better for myself which means I’m empowered, and for others which gives me meaning.

Curiosity a source of meaning & Creative Writing for ENTPs

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I might focus on observation like davinci but maybe focus on curiosity and things that arouse that sense of curiosity in me and others.

I just feel like, the unknown is a big part of why we chose to go on living. Or at least, a reason we are scared to die.

Now, if I were really going to try to unlock the secret of the whole universe, I guess I might do it through physics, or maybe philosophy and I will keep those two ideas in mind.

However, my philosophy so far is that there is infinite everything. This would include mystery. Meaning no matter how much I learn, about life, reality, ect, there will always be new horizons and frontiers. Doesn’t mean learning more is pointless though, just that there will always be more to enjoy.

So now I wonder, what brings me curiosity.

For me, well really cool music always does this. Music that sounds awesome and feels like it’s saying something to me and I can feel it but can’t articulate what it is exactly. That’s mysterious. Also Japanese stories like final fantasy ect. Also when I write stories and the ideas come together in ways I wouldn’t have imagined. Same if I create music, although I guess I like stories better. I like writing stories to music, kind of like creating meaning for it, like a psycho analysis of some sort.

I guess I’ll have to go 50/50 create mystery and seeking mystery? This way I always have more input to work with in creating good output.

I could focus the input on entertaining and cool stuff, which would make my outout equally cool. Or I could split things up more and go 25% academic input 25% entertainment input 25% academic output 25% academic output. Btw this counts as academic output. I guess yeah my “academic input” will be mostly philosophy that helps me improve my life, plus other interesting things, plus school. Academic output would be the same. Therefore the academic input is really an automatic thing already.

Also I can make a habit of searching for cool observations and reading new things ect. Like how people would introduce me to good books, except now I have to find them.

So really what I’m saying I guess, is I need to allow myself to be entertained as much as I want, with input and output as long as it doesn’t affect my health(base line happiness which is important, see last post)

Also I guess I can do research on different topics as they fit into my story ideas!!!

It could just be because it’s 1:48 in the am, but i feel like I’m on to something. It feels like I am realizing something that I have been avoiding for a while actually. It’s like, all the music I wrote, and the drawings, ad the poetry, and the dancing, they were all ways for me to tell a story, a story I didn’t feel confident to tell in words. I mean, I don’t want to get to specialized like, “I am a story teller now” but I do think there is something to this that I could look into. It seems like the only thing I feel motivated enough to do and the get out there for others to enjoy. I would do it for free, just to share such cool things with people.

I know ENTPs could be good journalist but really, news is boring to me, I guess I just have high standards.

Hehe and I don’t plan on finishing any stories either, that’s not the point. Stories don’t have to have endings. They just have to have value, and I think mine will.

Also, the things about writing is it can be anything I want really. It’s pure in that way. What ever my interest is, I can weave it into a story, and kind of play with my interest through tale. So really, stories are an all encompassing passion. I’m thinking it could be one thing I could do and not get tired of.

In a way story telling/creative writing is like an branch off from my general writing. They are both things I can just do with high volume and not get tired because I’m just being myself. The writing on this blog is mostly my problem solving and observations.

The story writing I guess will be mostly my wondering, curiousty, free creativity, ect.

*See, creative writing has become a valid option for me now, only because I am willing to work just so I can do it and share it with people, instead of feel the necessity to be paid to do it. *

link to a convo about entps and writing


and this song

Reminds me that I would still enjoy having my own real life adventures to enjoy and observe, and then share with others. However, I find myself not wanting to adventure on my own as much. It just seems I’d rather invite someone to join me, to share the adventure with. I mean, just like I could just write the story in my head and never share it with anyone, why adventure on my own? Well I guess I could go out and write about whatever I see by myself, iunno, maybe I’ll end up doing some of that too. I keep envisioning having an adventure, like a final fantasy game, but maybe an adventure isn’t something I need to plan or expect to be like anything I’ve seen. Maybe life is an adventure, and it will be interesting to me, as I am in living it authentically.

So I have three meaningful things to do.

Write about my observations and problem solving for myself

Write creatively to share wonder, ideas, ect.

Adventure in real life by just doing new things, and things I want, and seeking the novel and mysterious, and with other people also, and write about my experiences there too when inspired.


I realize that by doing all this thinking and planning on how to make my life meaningful, I may be holding myself back from actually letting it happen naturally. Iunno, I guess I feel like I am already curious about things but that my need to do something big and meaningful is holding me back from just being curious and letting the big things happen automatically. So maybe I actually need to stop seeking to do something huge with my life, at least not as in a project oriented way. Instead do something huge by just enriching my life and having compassion so I can enjoy helping people when I get the chance.

Basically I feel like I am so focused on achievement but many of my achievements only come when I have something else I want besides just achievement. Basically I keep getting into the state of mind thinking “I have to achieve something big in order to feel truly happy”. I mean people say that don’t they? To be fulfilled you gotta have something to live for, something to work towards. The thing is, the problem isn’t that I just “don’t have a goal”. The problem is that I can’t see any goals worth having. So if I let go of this idea that “I need to have a goal”. I guess I will do what I really want. I guess I need inspiration which comes from exploring which is super rewarding and loads of fun on it’s on.

I guess this wouldn’t be everyone’s hing, but for ENTPs, or at least for me, it shows promise.




Meaning of life: Find, Experience, Create and Share Experiences and Help

That is how I can summarize what I want to do with every breath I take. I might be able to revise this later, but for now this is what I have.

Now a few observations about myself to work with in discovering at least some of what I like to do:

I enjoy doing security guard work. I enjoy having responsibility to deal with people and the autonomy to be left to make responsible decisions. I might even enjoy police work too now that I think about it. I didn’t think I would as I like independence and more intellectual pursuits. What I like about these jobs though is that I can touch and experience them. I’m not staring at a screen or a paper. I am out and interacting ad sharing experiences with people.

Next, wen it comes to music and film, I mean I enjoy making a good song or AMV because I enjoy the final product and how it speaks to me along with at least the possibility that I might share it with someone. However, what I find I get even more enjoyment out of, is interacting with the music and actually experiencing it in that way. I don’t really dance but I like to work out, shadow box, rap, sing, ect to music, as well as play it on guitar or piano as possible. A bonus if I can share that with others but either way I enjoy the experience.

I guess if I made vids or mvs of me interacting with music in these ways and focused more on the creativity and less on the filming aspect, I could get a lot out of the experience and probably create more to share as my motivation will stay higher.

So I’m thinking that as far as creating sharing and finding  experiences go, and while I’m living at home, I’ll be doing a a lot of interacting with music, cause I always have. Also I can switch security guard companies if I get bored.

These are more kinesthetic experiences though. I also realize that NTPs at least, seem to enjoy learning new things like in areas of science ect, but not really applying them, at least not grunt work like (web) programming. or financial planning. So iunno, I’ll keep learning and if I find or come up with an interesting concept I’ll share it, probably here, as I’m doing.

Commitment, Present moment, purpose driven

from wiki how: Find how you fit into this life, you are a piece of the puzzle, most of us live a life of imagination and when reality hits us we become disappointed and you lose the meaning of life.

I think that part of my problem in relationships is assuming I know where things are headed and getting scared that my whole life is planned out for. I walk alone towards an imaginary world but each step I take is still in the real one so it’s hard to share my life with someone when I’m not living it as it is.

If I were to focus more on the present in a relationship I guess I’d really want the person to be with me for whatever the future holds. It’s like when focusing on my imaged future, this girl is always with me. When focused on the present I become aware that I am walking into the unknown and need as much support and love and good company as I can get and this girl does that for me.

If the meaning of my life, or part of it, will be to help others, it will be helping in ways I am good at helping. These will be based on what problems I’ve had to solve in my own life obvi because that’s where the practice comes from. Also and very importantly, is when I figure out a solution to a big problem I realize how much I could help others by sharing the solution. It’s like I automatically have a connection to people because I shared the same problem they did, so I have that compassion. That’s how I’m thinking I’ll help people. That is where I find meaning and motivation, at least while no one else is asking for my specific help on something else. So I’ll focus on my blog and maybe youtube, and not worry about the money, because the minute I start doing things for the money I lose sight of the meaning behind the whole thing and therefore the happiness I guess. Also if I get famous or something it might be a challenge, but if I have a good support network of close friends than I don’t think fame would cause any validation issues, although I could also cater to a smaller segment of the population with more targeted help. Less fame, more value. iunno.

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