Don’t Grab Life By the Horns!/?

So I thought about structure and how there as a lot of things I could do that didn’t require thought meaning I could continue thinking while doing them and so I shouldn’t require so much motivation to do them. Even things like sleep, especially things like laundry, and even things like routine data entry aspects of blog posts etc.

Then I thought, well why do I need all this time to think and is this what my life is really going to be based on? Lately I have been realizing time has been passing while I continue thinking and planning. It feels in a way like I’m not enjoying my life. So I realized, maybe I don’t need to be making so many plans. Maybe I need to spend more time in the moment, and when I do make plans, maybe I should plan out when I will make those plans, so that for the most part I’m not doing this.

It seems like maybe I was using plans and possible goals, as almost like a drug. Fantasizing about who I could become, what I could do. I mean, having goals isn’t really wrong, it’s just that depending on them for happiness, especially when the goals is to find the best possible goal, it seems like there is a risk that I will end up never reaching that goal.

If this happens, then will mostly have wasted my time. However, my goal was also to live the best possible life, which is more achievable I think because it doesn’t depend on outside factors which are always changing. It’s just about I guess reacting to life, and just being. I think a lot of people are urging society to figure out what they want to do. To become fulfilled, to make a difference, to achieve. They stress these things that I guess you could sum up as “grab life by the horns!”.

Well I guess, if life for you is a bull, an animal you need to try your best to control.
However, there is a contrary idea, that what you can control is yourself. That self control, self mastery, leads to freedom. I feel like the whole pua/seduction mindset runs in paralell with the grab life by the horns mentality. Trying to control your environment and control other people.

I am starting to think these things will not be fulfilling for me. Now, this isn’t to say that I wont have goals. What I’m saying is that I will have goals, as a reaction to a want/need. I wont have goals as an end to themselves. I wont have goals just so I can say I’ve achieved goals. I wont have goals just so I can say I’m grabbing life by the horns. Also I feel like trying to find the best path, is like closing oneself off
to possibilities.

Oh, another thing. The way I though about it on the bus was that I had been
spending my life waiting for life to happen. Waiting to figure out how to live so I can do it, waiting until I can meet a nice girl lol, etc. I realized that there is so much of live I’ve been just not experiencing because I’ve been so busy waiting. I guess it would make sense if there was really something I needed to wait for. Well I guess it does make sense because I was waiting for the realization that I didn’t need to
keep waiting, that I was waiting for the arrival of something which is already there.

Although I guess I did expand my mind a lot these last few years, and if I hadn’t I don’t think I would be as happy with not waiting anymore. Anyways, so what I want to do now, is well, not so much stop thinking and live only in the present, but I guess just let go of some idealized future. My hypothesis is that once I stop trying to reach some ideal, I will be able to enjoy what is already infront of me, including the ideas as they come to me, but also just whatever life is.

Basically, not relying on goals for your happiness, allows you to be open to the wonder of the universe, and then that will make you happy. I mean, maybe this wont be the case for all mbti types, or even all types of entp, but for me this seems right. I feel like the time when I was happiest as a kid, although that happiness
was extremely vulnerable, was when I was just open to the universe. Another thing I realized though on the other end of the spectrum is that I don’t really need to be around the most flamboyantly interesting aspects of life to have enjoyment. Infact, there seems to be a point where too much “interesting things”(internet?), but that don’t need to any action, is almost a waste.

I so guess I want goals based on wonder, not on achievement…if that makes sense. Chinese for example, is based on wonder. I think my wonder is very people focused actually…I feel like the thing that holds me back from this wonder, is wanting to utilize it. The best way I guess to deal with this, might be to just only do things that are nessesary, and let the rest be based on when I’m inspired and when not inspired, I can simply be in the moment(which may bring inspiration but if not will atleast feel good).

Also for me, as a wonderer, I feel like my “productivity” is often in my ability to share what I’ve found with others. Otherwise, as has been the case with a lot of my thoughts, they are just in my head. I need to find other reasons to live than just goals. Goals end. See, if I can give up the idea of trying to become something, then¬† that whole pride thing will go with it, and then there will be nothing holding me back from being as people oriented as I want. See because even if people would say, “why don’t you have your own thing” I can say,
“I don’t need or want my own thing” or”you are my thing, get used to it”.

Beliefs: It’s ok to guess and be wrong, It’s ok to be unhappy, present moment

People who believe it’s not ok to be wrong about something. It’s totally cool to make assumptions trusting your own judgement and being wrong and then recalibrating your judgement. So if you think someone is a certain way, you may be right, it’s important that if you get a strong enough impression based on your experience that you trust yourself. If you end up being wrong, it’s not right for someone to throw it in your face that you were wrong like it’s bad. It’s great that you trusted yourself. Even better that you learned from the mistake. What is wrong is people who are not ok with being wrong (most likely they are also not as interested in changing their opinions and learning in the first place and so they have a weakness there that they are scared of) to try and act like you should also feel bad about being wrong. The more you guess and check, the more you stand to learn.

Next, people who think it’s not ok to be in a bad mood, to be unhappy, to be angry, etc. Teal Swan talks about this as well. Basically you are all you have so you need to love and accept whatever state you are in. Don’t judge your goodness on some standard of happiness. That is not a natural law. Just do what you are inspired to do. If not inspired because you are in a bad mood, just try to make your mood less painful, which is the natural inclination. The North American idea is about being super happy and super productive but these ideals are based on what someone else wants of you. Someone else would rather you smile when you talk to them. Someone else would rather you be a doctor so they can live longer. How about what you want? Your life is yours only. You can’t help anyone else if you can’t help yourself, etc.

The last thought I want to write for tonight is that it seems this stuff about jus eliminating sadness where possible, and just following inspiration, seems to be very present moment oriented. This is interesting for me because I thought I and my mBTI type at least was more future oriented. Iunno, I guess I may be inspired to think about stuff in the future? It just seems that these days when I focus on what I’m inspired to do I am in the present moment way more and I enjoy it. I guess when it comes to school then yeah I have a future goal kinda. I guess we all have to think about the future sometimes. Iunno, it seems these days that the future is something to keep in mind but not to live in.

The power of “Story” on hormones, happiness, love

My comment to this article: http://www.fastcocreate.com/3027563/the-story-button-in-your-brain-neuroscience-study-sheds-light-on-brand-human-love

Interesting! Reminds me of the concept that a certain type of happiness that has to be built up over time through positive life experiences(So I am assuming these experiences need to be remembered). Also there is the relationships between memory and depression, meaning increase serotonin = better memory + less depression.  It stands to reason that positive memories would also increase base serotonin rate and increase happiness and that positive memories related to a brand are made strong because branding creates a web in memorize tying together multiple things related to that brand with the brand as a symbol. As this symbolism and inter connectivity increases memory power, if the memory is positive, then it would increase happiness.

It’s funny because many people say that happiness is in the present. That if you want to be happy you need to stop focusing on material things, on the past/future. However if memory is strongly linked to hormone levels, and material possessions(or brands, since some brands are not based on physical products) then it seems the past may be more important to happiness. As well this is inline with the idea that goals that are harder to achieve, take time ect, are more meaningful when achieved. So maybe the past is actually more important to happiness EXCEPT for times when a person practices mindfulness, as people who had troubled pasts can basically wipe their emotional slate clean with mindfulness practice.

Commitment, Present moment, purpose driven

from wiki how: Find how you fit into this life, you are a piece of the puzzle, most of us live a life of imagination and when reality hits us we become disappointed and you lose the meaning of life.

I think that part of my problem in relationships is assuming I know where things are headed and getting scared that my whole life is planned out for. I walk alone towards an imaginary world but each step I take is still in the real one so it’s hard to share my life with someone when I’m not living it as it is.

If I were to focus more on the present in a relationship I guess I’d really want the person to be with me for whatever the future holds. It’s like when focusing on my imaged future, this girl is always with me. When focused on the present I become aware that I am walking into the unknown and need as much support and love and good company as I can get and this girl does that for me.

If the meaning of my life, or part of it, will be to help others, it will be helping in ways I am good at helping. These will be based on what problems I’ve had to solve in my own life obvi because that’s where the practice comes from. Also and very importantly, is when I figure out a solution to a big problem I realize how much I could help others by sharing the solution. It’s like I automatically have a connection to people because I shared the same problem they did, so I have that compassion. That’s how I’m thinking I’ll help people. That is where I find meaning and motivation, at least while no one else is asking for my specific help on something else. So I’ll focus on my blog and maybe youtube, and not worry about the money, because the minute I start doing things for the money I lose sight of the meaning behind the whole thing and therefore the happiness I guess. Also if I get famous or something it might be a challenge, but if I have a good support network of close friends than I don’t think fame would cause any validation issues, although I could also cater to a smaller segment of the population with more targeted help. Less fame, more value. iunno.

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