Don’t Grab Life By the Horns!/?

So I thought about structure and how there as a lot of things I could do that didn’t require thought meaning I could continue thinking while doing them and so I shouldn’t require so much motivation to do them. Even things like sleep, especially things like laundry, and even things like routine data entry aspects of blog posts etc.

Then I thought, well why do I need all this time to think and is this what my life is really going to be based on? Lately I have been realizing time has been passing while I continue thinking and planning. It feels in a way like I’m not enjoying my life. So I realized, maybe I don’t need to be making so many plans. Maybe I need to spend more time in the moment, and when I do make plans, maybe I should plan out when I will make those plans, so that for the most part I’m not doing this.

It seems like maybe I was using plans and possible goals, as almost like a drug. Fantasizing about who I could become, what I could do. I mean, having goals isn’t really wrong, it’s just that depending on them for happiness, especially when the goals is to find the best possible goal, it seems like there is a risk that I will end up never reaching that goal.

If this happens, then will mostly have wasted my time. However, my goal was also to live the best possible life, which is more achievable I think because it doesn’t depend on outside factors which are always changing. It’s just about I guess reacting to life, and just being. I think a lot of people are urging society to figure out what they want to do. To become fulfilled, to make a difference, to achieve. They stress these things that I guess you could sum up as “grab life by the horns!”.

Well I guess, if life for you is a bull, an animal you need to try your best to control.
However, there is a contrary idea, that what you can control is yourself. That self control, self mastery, leads to freedom. I feel like the whole pua/seduction mindset runs in paralell with the grab life by the horns mentality. Trying to control your environment and control other people.

I am starting to think these things will not be fulfilling for me. Now, this isn’t to say that I wont have goals. What I’m saying is that I will have goals, as a reaction to a want/need. I wont have goals as an end to themselves. I wont have goals just so I can say I’ve achieved goals. I wont have goals just so I can say I’m grabbing life by the horns. Also I feel like trying to find the best path, is like closing oneself off
to possibilities.

Oh, another thing. The way I though about it on the bus was that I had been
spending my life waiting for life to happen. Waiting to figure out how to live so I can do it, waiting until I can meet a nice girl lol, etc. I realized that there is so much of live I’ve been just not experiencing because I’ve been so busy waiting. I guess it would make sense if there was really something I needed to wait for. Well I guess it does make sense because I was waiting for the realization that I didn’t need to
keep waiting, that I was waiting for the arrival of something which is already there.

Although I guess I did expand my mind a lot these last few years, and if I hadn’t I don’t think I would be as happy with not waiting anymore. Anyways, so what I want to do now, is well, not so much stop thinking and live only in the present, but I guess just let go of some idealized future. My hypothesis is that once I stop trying to reach some ideal, I will be able to enjoy what is already infront of me, including the ideas as they come to me, but also just whatever life is.

Basically, not relying on goals for your happiness, allows you to be open to the wonder of the universe, and then that will make you happy. I mean, maybe this wont be the case for all mbti types, or even all types of entp, but for me this seems right. I feel like the time when I was happiest as a kid, although that happiness
was extremely vulnerable, was when I was just open to the universe. Another thing I realized though on the other end of the spectrum is that I don’t really need to be around the most flamboyantly interesting aspects of life to have enjoyment. Infact, there seems to be a point where too much “interesting things”(internet?), but that don’t need to any action, is almost a waste.

I so guess I want goals based on wonder, not on achievement…if that makes sense. Chinese for example, is based on wonder. I think my wonder is very people focused actually…I feel like the thing that holds me back from this wonder, is wanting to utilize it. The best way I guess to deal with this, might be to just only do things that are nessesary, and let the rest be based on when I’m inspired and when not inspired, I can simply be in the moment(which may bring inspiration but if not will atleast feel good).

Also for me, as a wonderer, I feel like my “productivity” is often in my ability to share what I’ve found with others. Otherwise, as has been the case with a lot of my thoughts, they are just in my head. I need to find other reasons to live than just goals. Goals end. See, if I can give up the idea of trying to become something, thenĀ  that whole pride thing will go with it, and then there will be nothing holding me back from being as people oriented as I want. See because even if people would say, “why don’t you have your own thing” I can say,
“I don’t need or want my own thing” or”you are my thing, get used to it”.

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