Physical Environment and artistic Inspiration: Interior Designing

I am realizing now that I am actually way more influenced by my physical environment then I thought. Influenced, and inspired by it. Ok, let’s begin!

So I have thought and wrote about this before. That it seems unlike most hobbies, music is something that I can kind of slip into. Like once I start making a song and it sounds ok, I can just keep going and it will sound better and better as I go along. The same can’t really be said for something like writing. I mean yes I could potentially get started writing a short fiction story and as I get more into it I’ll maybe become more interested. It’s not the same thing though. Here is why.

When I write  story, I rarely read it again. I have it in the back of my mind of course, if it’s any good, but just like with most stories and most people who read them, it’s only if you become obsessed with it, that you would sit down and read it again, multiple times.

With music though it seem it’s often the case where if it’s good you will play it over and over. Unless you purposefully try not to ruin it so you only listen to it once in a while.

What I’m getting at, is music is a physical thing, it has a presence an influences us whenever it’s on, regardless of whether we are paying active attention or not. In this way it is a lot like exercise and learning a second language. They are things that once acquired/worked on etc, have passive value.

I came to this realization because I have been trying to become inspired to do something like create games(which combines many elements of art into one almost). However I have troubles getting and staying inspired.

The first reason for this I think is I do better when I am working with other people because I get inspired by their energy. However, I have just realized another important aspect of what inspires me. I am inspired by things that effect my external physical environment.

Yes I have wrote fiction ideas down when the inspiration hit, but that was actually rare. I get ideas of course, and I think about philosophy, etc, but this is different. My thoughts and ideas gain inspiration from my internal world, and unless I see a need to express those thoughts, or if I write them out as I go along or later, like a journal, that is not the same as work.  Thinking is something we do to solve problems etc, Butting all that stuff on youtube in video form though? That is work lol, so I haven’t done much of that. Although I may at some point iunno.

Anyways, I realize I just crave r at least draw energy from my physicak external environement and so it makes sense that it would be the area where I could put effort into, knowing I will get energy back. It’s important that I get energy back from my endevours, and if I can’t depend on people online because the energy I get from a screen is not very high, and people have way less invested in online interactions/ I need something physical.

One thing I could do is join groups, but I’m already in school with a full course load and this may be enough. A lot of themost inpiring ideas I get are based on the physical world. Game stages irl with high falls, and undertoe water pools that lead to different chambers. Another thing I always like is putting posters up n my room. Sure this isn’t a big deal in an of it’self but the idea is held up. I often have had ideas for turning my room into some crazy other worldy experience actually.

I feel like if I were to join groups it woudl be good to join ones that allow mr to improve on them if I get the ideas. A drama theater club might be everything in one, but maybe no.

In general though, a focus on things in my physical space like my room, and kind of moddifying it, could e fun to do, and maybe even fun to post on youtube. It would at least feel inspiring to me. Just like my music. Infact I could put these two things together.

It really is an ambient based thing I have going here. My music sounds pretty ambient, and I like making cool environments.  could be just tired, but this seems like a good idea right now lol.

Then f I really wanted to, I could extend this idea by creating games based on my room. Iunno.

It seems like an extension of my enjoyment of building physical things, for instance I would love to build a house but that isn’t aloud in the city just like that, for safety reasons.

So iunno, basically I think I may need to get more physical in order to keep the energy flowing.


What comes out of boredom

So I was on the bus to school, thinking about the new perspective, of just enjoying surroundings and environment. Finding that sense of connection, even when alone. So I was trying to focus on that but I found myself…bored. So then I decided being able to connect by myself is one thing, but it’s like, it has it’s place. Like, when I really feel lonely, or it just hits me, iunno. When I’m bored though, what naturally comes out of it, is creativity. I started building a song in my head without really thinking about it. So I decided I would run with that idea and create the song on my laptop when I got to school.

Then I thought, creativity is a form of connection as well. So are other activities as long as you find yourself in that kind of zone.

After that I found myself focusing on two things throughout the day

one was increasing my testosterone levels

The other was figuring out a way to do what the song I created was inspiring me to do. It wanted me to do some really epic physical challenges. Like, that’s what would go with the music to me.

After trying to take a nap because I was listening to my body, I though, well it seems like a type of obstacle course would be what I’d want. Only it would have to be a huge almost otherworldly type of thing, with platforms, and whirlpools that suck you under when you jump in and spit you out some where else in the course, and those walls with pegs so it’s hard to climb. Iunno, the best I could do right now is draw what I think it should look like because I am in no position to make it happen at this time.

Anyways, I started trying to psych myself up back into the state I was in earlier but with little success because as I found out moments ago, I’ve been running on almost empty. I guess 45 min walk in the morning could have something to do with both that and the creativity in the morning.

I also did some research into testosterone, because it hadn’t hit me yet that I was just tired. I was focused on why my sex drive wasn’t there. Still learned some stuff though. I was actually about to walk to the store to buy some garlic to see if it will boost testosterone levels like I’ve heard, but I thought, no the whole problem seems to be that I keep trying to force myself to have energy, to do things, because what, because at one point I did them, so I assume I “should” remain that way. (Like I learned in psychology that frontal lobe in teens developed making them see all possibilities but no obstacles, consequences etc, so they become more creative etc. I had often though in my mid twenties, what happened to the teenage me who had so many dreams. Thing is, I still do, I’m just more developed than I was before.) Then it hit me that I was actually just tired, but it’s only 7:40 something. To early to sleep. So I decided, maybe I’ll just play my new song and sit and play with my hands. I put my hands in the form of a cup almost without thinking. Then I thought, it’s like I’m saying to the universe, “I’m empty, please give me some energy”. This is boredom and this is creativity. Then I thought of something else I could add to this song.

So if you think about it, everything I did from the time I finished that song, until now, was mostly based on something I thought I “should be”, when the reality was just not that.

I thought I should have a way to realize an obstacle course irl and not have it just be a dream

I thought I should have the energy to get into some form of training right now

I thought I should have a high sex drive

All of these when the reality, where the real “shoulds” come from, was that I am tired and don’t have the resources to make an obstacle course on my own. The reality is that I shouldn’t be horny, because I’ve been extremely active without the proper nutrition and sleep to back it up thus far.

This song still speaks to me though. It says, you can get even stronger, more attractive etc. Is that wrong? It seems goals like that are good. Having goals is good. Maybe the problem is I expect too much from myself too soon. I can think of more goals than I can achieve in a life time. Not that I shouldn’t keep thinking of them. Just that it might be wise to not try to act on all of them, but to keep them as ideas. If they remain ideas, they can be acted upon by me or anyone else, at anytime. Where as if I try to do the thing, own the thing, it seems it get’s in the way of things that are more basic but more healthy for me to actually be doing.

For example, weights vs calisthenics/back flips. weights seem to do more for me, but the fact that it seems so easy, so normal, makes it seem unworthy in comparison to the possibilities I can think of. However, maybe it’s actually best if instead of trying to act on all my ideas, I focus my energy on those basic things, and then let my ideas pour out and I can just tell people about them.

Also, I guess my health isn’t really a “simple” or “easy” thing. It’s actually an ideal. To be healthy, very healthy, and look great, and feel great. Weight training is kind of like, challenging one’s self to see just how healthy they can get. I guess that is worth doing. I man, health is life, it’s challenging life, trying to get more time.

heh, it’s funny, I’ve been at this for so long, but not a personal trainer. I guess it’s cool though. If I wanna look at it as something that should help others, I’m sure I inspire other people. However, part of me wants to keep this as something that is just for me. Iunno, it makes me wanna get into genetic engineering cause it feels like, All I can get out of this is muscles. Is that evolution. However, I guess working out could actually have a huge effect of my brain, especially the more I learn about how to improve. However, how long can I keep this up. Where is this going? I could turn it into a kind of meditation by being more and more aware of my body as I do the movements. Iunno.

I guess I could work on other pars of me as well although aesthetics as a kind of appeal, like sexually, that stuff like back-n training does not for me. lol. Oh, flexibility. I want that too if I can have it. I guess this is like a kind of yogic lifestyle almost. Just worshiping or improving upon the human body, through application of it’s own adaptive abilities.

We work so hard at our goals. Even if not for someone else’s love, at least to improve our mood. However, good moods I guess aren’t promised to us either. We try though, because what else is worth doing.

So , should I be striving to better my mood and make it more stable. Or should I just let go. It’s tricky but I think it’s possible to do both at once. Work to improve mood but not expecting anything to last(which in a way keeps the bad moods from being too bad). It sucks to think this way because it means none of the things you would want to really enjoy about life, will be super enjoyable. Not when you know they can be taken away at any moment and you’ll have to work again to get them back. However, there is also this underlying sense that everything is ok, when you can accept things like loneliness, and not achieving everything, etc. It feels kind of beautiful, like I’m not beating myself up over it and forcing myself to be something different. If I don’t end up achieving anything in life or making all my dreams come true, it’s no big deal.

Are you fidgeting? Wait! What exactly are you doing? It could be your highest form of self expression!

So I was on reddit originally just checking out another redditors blogging experience post. I was lead to the small business and entrepreneur subreddits. Through thee I learned of a start-up called star stuff and the way the guy talked about how it raised over $35,000 in start up funds from kick starter and all the cool strategic ideas he thought about during the process, and  everyone commenting said they loved the product, it was inspiring. It inspired me to look at my financial goals a different way kind of. Like if I focused on making a product that many people, including me , loved, not necessarily that filled a need, but that they just loved, then it would be best I think. So I realized that brands are also like metaphors in that they represent a persons or peoples vision and their love for what they do and it represents the societies love for that product in that the product was supported. This is why a good brand can make a person release the hormone oxytocin in levels similar to what would be released when thinking about their child.

So what could I do to create such a brand. Also I wondered if I was traveling in the right direction as I was becoming more obsessed about making money. However the strategy involved in setting up such a business sounded like fun, just what product? A physical one might be best as it seems to generate more oxytocin which may be  philosophically a good thing, iunno. I like magic the gathering cards, the physical cards, and I know they are called cardboard crack fr a reason. what product would be right for me though.

So I went to bed but couldn’t sleep. So I thought more and the following in sequences is a god idea of my thought process.

Steve jobs with apple, focused on aesthetics and efficiency. Actually aesthetics is part of efficiency(see previous post)
Jobs the entp?
How about that n64 controller, that was something. the shape was so nice
what other shapes do I like
I often when just fiddling, find myself rearanging things to be ordered geometrically

I take pictures and focus on making things have some sort of order there too
My body, I work out to make my body more aesthetic
When I was in college designing a prinited circuit board I went into flow state
When I draw based on somethin already drawn, I go into flow state
When I was trying web design I went into flow state
The shape of women
The shapes of tae kwon do moves, the angles
The shapes I make when doing weird improve fight dances by my self
When fidgeting I am often really making geometric order out of random objects
I scored very well on a test of spacial intellegence
I like architecture, and chinese writing

So I think I just realized something about myself. I mean, yes I consider myself artistic, but I don’t often feel the urge to create something artsy in that it is expresses some facet of my imagination, or at least that isn’t usually the major role.
What I do have is almost an obsessive bubbling beneath the surface, drive for expressing myself geometrically.
I’m thinking maybe most people don’t try to highlight files on their desktop in such a way that the lines of the highlighting web are flush with the edges of the files facing outward. I guess if you don’t underrstand what I just described then probably no you don’t do this. I do this, it actually feels good when I do it, like it’s satisfying to me. I never paid any attention to that fact until now.

The thing is, I have always felt that this form of creativity was too easy to be valuable. When I designed my first printed circuit board, I was in a trance and the teacher pointed me out and everyone saw what I was doing and they were like “wow”. I was like, why is this cool, it’s so easy. You guys are on average doing better than me in most classes. The teacher even said if you like this their are jobs in this, but I was thinking I don’t want to be stuck doing just this when anyone could do it.

Now I realized, well I don’t think anyone could do that. Also I realize that it must be extremely important if if makes people happy to just look at it. It makes me happy as well. It’s an expression of love from me, and not in the way that it will make me happy when I’m done and it doesn’t have to be perfect just has to show the idea to others. No, with this it’s almost a compulsion and it does have to be perfect(meaning high efficiency, meaning love) and I go into flow state when I do it. Now that I realize this I realize this isn’t art I am after, it is design in that it is visual efficiency. So now that I realize this, my test might be to see how far this facet of myself can carry me. Will it be just another thing I do once in a blue moon, or will it be something I can do all the time in some form and if so, what form?

3d graphics modeling
web design
3d printing
PCB design
wood working

Btw I am also good with color, like for web design, color is good.
Iunno, should I just make some cool designed shirts like that other guy? Or should I run with this concept and try all the things that feed that drive.

I feel like geometry is an entp thing actually, and leonardo davinci was pretty huge on it. I wonder if my expressions of geometry will hold some latent truths about reality. That would be the best case scenario and would increase my believe that humans are naturally moving towards finding the things they have a drive to do and that it is evolution.

So I feel like maybe everyone has something like this that could be valuable but maybe they are not doing it because they don’t see the value in it. Not something where they like the idea of it, but something they just do out of compulsion almost. I felt the same way about drums also. It just seems so easy to me, and my music teacher told me I should give it a go but I said why would I do that, piano is more challenging and therefore it must be better. Ha! I don’t think that way anymore, especially when the world is ruled by people who have found things that are valuable to society and that they are the best at (meaning things that are easy for them, and not for most people)

I just realized, even when I eat, like I just had a piece of bread, and I eat it so that it always stays a square, because it just feels good to do so.

Curiosity: Physical + Intellectual Edutainment:Rock-climbing, urban exploration, free-running

Introduction: Observations I couldn’t piece together for the longest time:

As a kid I found a sense of awe when I looked at huge structures, huge buildings.

I felt a sense of awe when in elementary school we were aloud to use the monkey gym but as I grew older I couldn’t see the purpose in climbing something like that.

I felt the same about the structure of videogame worlds/levels.(Zelda)

I felt the same about most novel spaces that had structure

I didn’t feel the same by just looking at pictures, I felt the need to interact.

I don’t really feel the same about natural structures, or way less often, this says something as will be shown in a moment.

Why is this physical exploration of architecture meaningful?:

I had a dream once that I was in my best friends mind and it was this maze with tunnel slides that I could go down but I realized eventually that they were too steep to climb back up again and feared being trapped. This last one is a clue that I perceive and value and am awed and find curiosity in man made structures. I think it is because of how these structures represent the cognitive style of the human who built them. I could just look at blue prints and pictures and even interactive graphics but I would much rather physically enjoy the places. Just like I would rather read a story rather than simply read a bunch of facts. I guess experiencing the architecture physically allows me to experience and wonder at the reasoning behind it, the though processes behind it, in a more natural way.

The reason this is so important for me to realize is because I always thought, way are we exercising, what is the point if there is nothing to get strong for? Just to be strong? Now, at least for me, I realize I can get strong for and by urban exploration/free running/climbing where I find meaning and build knowledge.

Note: all these recent developments came about when I said f*ck money, I want meaning in my life.

Links: Good free running vids(vids that brought me to this epiphany):

and first I was watching speed running vids of ff8 and Chrono-Trigger thinking I’d find cool thoughts based on those…

Video game:     

Rock climbing girl:

Real life exploration:

I might want to try and tweak this or find something that pairs exploration and more specific body-building style training




Now the last post leads me to the thought that just reading and watching stuff all day would become pretty unhealthy pretty fast.

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