Work = Fulfillment (Work, not success, not specific goals, just working)

I’m going to throw out some ideas here:

1. Working and living can be seen as synonymous when looked at in a kind of abstract and primitive way. I mean, we live because our cells “work”. Everything we do is based on every cell in our body “working”. So you could say the more we work, the more alive we are. More to this in number 3.

2. In many instances, we choose not to work hard because we assume it will feel worse than not working at that time. We are often mistaken about this. For example, if you don’t feel up to a jog or walk but do it anyways you will often feel better, happier, as the jog progresses (assuming you jog for a limited time like 30min). So we can often assume that even though we don’t feel up to something such as work, there is the possibility that we could enjoy it, if we just did it, or even did it with the goal of enjoying it(working out harder because you know the chemicals will flow stronger and you will feel happier faster).

3. We often find fulfillment in playing games, but when it comes to a career, we struggle to find one that will be fulfilling. Why is it that games that have no real world impact can be more fulfilling that careers, work that is based in the real world. It stands to reason that what is really fun and fulfilling in then is being active, feeling challenged, working, etc, more than what that work is, and what impact it has on society. However if we think it’s not enough to just work on SOMETHING, then we wont think we should even be doing it. Doing things we think we shouldn’t be doing, that we think of as wastes of time, would result in the opposite of a rewarding experience. This advice might not be for everyone as some personality types learn early on what they want to do. However, other types seem infinite and ever expanding possible list of options. Here I wonder, is it the things you do that will make YOU feel happy, or that you are doing?

4. Sometimes we divide our focus between goals that are in conflict with each other. There are many kinds of conflict but a basic form of conflict is of reward circuitry. If you achieve a goal that rewards you extensively without being fulfilling, such as porn/drugs, etc, then you will not have any reward chemicals left for things that will be fulfilling. Depending on who you are of course. If you remove all the “distractions” that compete for you reward resources, would you be left with only the desire to work?

5. Many people who are not able to do as much work, don’t have the motivation, etc, wish they did. They wish they could do more and are trying to figure out how. We(generalizing) have an intrinsic motivation for growth, and productivity. Once this motivation wins over the other distractions, we should find ourselves un-able to live any other way.

6. We need to either believe in ourselves, and/or be willing to experiment, to see what we can accomplish and even enjoy if we put our minds to it.

7.  You may notice you have self-talk about how certain work is not enjoyable and fulfilling, which you wouldn’t have even categorized as self-talk because it seems like just logic. If you can remove this, and replace it with commands to yourself to work, you will work.

8. Another way to look at this is to observe that when you seek out instant gratification through drugs, and other stimulation, your brain get’s worse at making you happy. However, when you seek out challenges like exercise and intellectual challenges, things where you have to push yourself, push against resistance, against the initial negative emotions, your brain get’s better at making you happy. At least, if you are taking up those challenges willingly.

9. So with all these things in mind it stands to reason that the best way in reach a state of being where you feel fulfilled, would be to just start working on something. Anything. Well, anything that is work, that is hard, and that will result in completion, production, achievement. Like like how we work out using weights, not building houses, we should set out to live  a fulfilling life by doing challenging work, not work that is necessarily the most “meaningful” as that can always change. I’m not saying don’t do meaningful things, of course you should. I’m saying don’t depend on them to shape your productive lifestyle, but use productive work as a form of training for growth, independent of what might be meaningful. So, do work, and maintain focus on doing work, with the belief or hypothesis that doing this will lead to enjoyment of this and therefore fulfillment.

Productivity: Complete it in a Day”

Summary: For certain long term goals, especially learning, create relevant projects that you can complete in a day, and then every day create and complete one of those, eventually forming a collection of completed projects that are the equivalent of that goal, in scope.

Link: This concept comes partly from :

I just notice that as a motivational tool it applies to any job. It’s that as long as you start and complete something (I say the same day but just sooner rather than later) you will reap the reward of having something you have produced. By this I mean, you will have done something REWARDING.

For instance, think about video games with levels short enough they can be COMPLETED in one sitting. Enemies are defeated (completion). Items are discovered and COLLECTED. ( Being able to collect something seems to be motivated as well. I wonder if this is because as you collect more things you gain more reference to which of those things are better/worse. Is there a relationship also between collecting and personal history maintenance or something?

When you lift weights, you COMPLETE sets. I could go on about all the things where you achieve a form of completion within the same day and how you remain motivated to start of the same task again. As well, I could also probably find many things where if you don’t complete said task, it has a negative psychological if not psychosomatic effect. Failing reps in a set of weight lifting for example. Task based work is far more addictive than long haul things or leaving things incomplete.

I notice my music making productivity has increased a lot ever since I decided that when I make a song I’ll just do it the same day, same sitting, etc, unless inspired otherwise. Also that I’ll see it as exploration rather than trying to make it as good as possible, although I’m exploring what sounds good of course.

I wonder if I could apply this concept to all the goals I have. Just try to make and complete a thing related to my goal. I mean, when it comes to goals that would take a long time to complete otherwise. I instead set up a new standard of achievement for myself by first choosing completable versions of that longer goal. This is important, it’s not mini-goals. It’s full on finished products. Just that I stick with products that can be achievable in one sitting, or two, and that are versions or related enough to the long term goal that eventually they could make up that longer term goal.

For example, instead of a game with 100 different elements. Create 100 games, each with one of those elements. I mean, you can do more if you actually want to. I also imagine it being helpful and more fun, to slowly increase the difficulty of the tasks, but not like, first task takes 1 day, second task takes 10 days. I mean, 1 min increase/day on average, or just being able to do more in the same amount of time because you know more. Keeping it really easy.

Another way to do this is just set a minimum of completing a daily task in one of the areas you want to focus on, and let the other areas be bonus. This way if you really feel like working longer on the first task like if you get a jolt of creativity or are just bored and want to keep things interesting, and you go overtime it’s cool. Iunno about this yet tho.

My inspiration for this is seeing some really productive people out there and wanting that for myself, but also wanting it to be fun or at least be able to keep my motivation. Doing things in this task based way I think has the potential even to become a form of adventure. I mean, I would be doing something different every day for sure, and I would be finishing everything I start. I would be able to look back on what I’ve done before. Watch the collection grow.

If I were to do this, it would help to not allow myself time to do as much random entertainment, which is fine because I guess I’ve already been not doing random entertainment. I have a concept of how good it would feel to be doing awesome things all the time, and I want that, so I guess that is helping me reach this point of figuring out how to make that lifestyle work for me. I would also incorporate school into this.

Keep a beautiful journal in Chinese (Power of Aesthetics)

I stumbled on some motivational tips in a scientific america magazin
which initiated some pondering, which resulted in some ideas about what
I might enjoy doing in Chinese.

namingly, writing in a cool ass journal.
This journal has to be cool, and look cool, etc, as this will be part
of what motivates me to write in it.

Also the fact that I be able to show anyone who reads it, “this is the chinese
I know” etc, would mean everytime I write I get an instant sense of
being more chinese and that I am making visual accomplishments.

Also, the more I write in it, the more valuable it will become, especially
if I write observations about my day, or notes about myself.

I just hope I can learn enough through using it, instead of an Srs.
I mean, I hope I will memorize enough.

I plan is to make it like a TAG style Journal where I have a set of questions
that I answer every day for a week or so, then next week I will have another

For each day I write, I’ll first write out the question, before answering
it so I at least get practise writing and comprehending the questions
I write out.

Also this structure means less burden on me to come up with things to
say on the spot when I write. It makes it more of a task based thing.

Although I can still write stuff afterwards for fun.

I also like this because it allows the artistin me to come out in a more
passive but stll rewarding way.

Just like when someone was asked how to turn toasting bread into a game
someone would want to play. The first thought was, make the toast “cute”.
Aesthetics seem to actually be that important.

I mean yeah you can see businesses where people stay on websites or
in stores or whatever based on beautiful or user freindly it is.
What I’m discussing here though is like, can you make doing homework,
more fun than going to a party, through proper use of aesthetics?
I hope to prove this to be the case.

Aesthetics seem to have the ability to add meaning to something.
Would samurias be as romantizised if their swords and armor didn’t look
beautiful. Probably not. Aesthetics might actually hold a huge amount
of power that we can use to our advantage by weighting our tasks
with aesthetic appeal so that the most important task, is made to be
the most beautiful,(and I guess most personalized (like adding your
own touches to the stuff you beautify)) so that they draw you in the

I mean, Chinese drew me in because of it’s beauty.

That is also another thing. It would suck if liking chinese so much, I
didn’t allow myself to write in it and own my writing.

Also those writing prompts could even evolve into a game that
I could play with others. Like, everyone getting the same question
and having to answer in just a few words, but getting lot’s of comprehension
from the reading, etc.

Also, notebooks have way more context than srs cards, and after a few
reviews you will have the connections of a whole page for each page of study
instead of just one card.

Also, I will be able to draw on previous pages in future writings allowing
me to use more and better language the more I keep at it.

I went for a jog today, and after work as well, I was feeling pretty motivated.
I’m just waiting till tmr, though because I want to by nice notebook, probably
from coles/indigo

“following a formula get’s old fast”.
How about I decide each day what I’m going to write but I need to
write a minimum of 50 words plus reading a number of previous pages
chinese first just to see how much has stuck. Once it’s allo stuck I
leave it for a random review which I could even schedule as a day where
I pick  few pages at random to review.

Words I wrote with mindfulness (from art of war)


ENTP-SI and order and aesthetics and rhythm

Si – Organization

I feel like Si, at least for me, is possibly the missing link then
in making who I am come together.

I remember reading the guy on personalityjunkie saying that an ENTP
would do best to focus on the first two functions as far as careers

I guess I agree with that but I think an entp should focus on Si as
much as need just for the sake of personal development which in turn
will lead to getting the career that uses the Ne-Ti and is fun or whatever.

For a very easy and introductory point on the importance of Si, if you
don’t exercise it’s probably that you will feel like shit eventually, which
is Si telling you to exercise. Then you exercise and feel better and
your magnetic personality shines through and you get jobs etc.

More than this, you have so many ideas, but they are not organized in a way
that allows you to present them to anyone else or even look back at any
specific thought you had. In order to do this you need to ORGANIZE them
probably on paper or a blog/journal.

After doing this, and to the degree that you do this, you will be better
understood by the people around you and so more likely to get work.
All because you organized your OWN life to make yourself feel better.

You can think of exercise as physical organization. It sets your biological
clock so you get tired at the right time. It Stokes your metabolism and
reward chemicals. It is biological maintenance.

You can think of meditation as neurological maintenance. You focus on your
breath, or on counting, and your brain organizes itself and grows to become
structured in a more efficient way.

You can think of cleaning your room as spacial or personal facility
organization. You organize your stuff so you know where it is, so your
brain has this same structured image of your stuff. You do the same
for you journal. Your brain will have a spacially structured image
of your life. You can surroung yourself strategically with only posters
that compel you to think about certain aspects of life, as environment
will trigger thoughts and ideas which we thrive on.


As well, I guess you could say order is a form, or maybe even the
highest form, of aesthetics.

Random notes

Si as rhythm, event based, time based, like history, based on duplication,
like the universe. Based on order.

Is there a rhythm in things like writing chinese characters for instance, that
can make the process of writing them more enjoyable?

ENTP-Ne Needs, and Rousseau

Rouseau states a lot of what I said, but not in a convincing
enough way. He says beyond the natural needs to eat, sleep, etc and
well he puts reproduction as well. Oh, this is in the state of nature.
He says beyond that we don’t have
other needs. Just that as society grows we start to see more trivial
things as needs. luxery, entertainment. (friendship he says?).

He says this is the basis for inequality because it means as we have
more, we require more, and so we continue needing to compete with
each other.

He goes on to say that as people organize their lives around artificial needs
they become inauthentic even with themselves.

He says origin of civil society wa when a man enclosed a plot of land
and convinced people that it belonged to him.

So then, as I said, freedom is not about what you can gain for yourself.
It is about who you can become.

It is important to know what is authenticity especially if you want to
be in a relationship. At least for me, I do much better with people
when I am in a place where I know and like who I am.
It seems society has dictated a lot of my needs, including and maybe
especially sexual needs. The “need” to masturbate.
The “need” to have as much sex as possible.

Maybe for some people these are needs in that they don’t yet know how
to be happy without them. However, if I d, then it would make them
not needs.

Until I can let go of these “needs” I feel like I will never have
the true authenticity and I guess self respect that comes with that
for me to be truly confident. Without true confidence, I guess I will
always suffer from sex drive issues, social anxiety etc, and feelings
of inadequacy which would lead to not doing well with women.

I feel like if I could be authentic, doing what I really want to be
doing, I would feel whole. It would have to be authentic independant
of praise from others. Just based on what I think I “should” be doing
where “should” is based on what I think is morally the right or best thing
for me to do, not what seems most fun. Fun should follow.

Learn perfect self control, let go of Ne

Green tea
exams tmr
code geass last night

Ok, so today I was with Ivan studying and a girl flirted with me and I
mistook it for condesention and kinda regretted it after

At work I see the INTJ with the really nice body and I guess face too
and I just feel like I have nothing to offer and at this point with watching
porn for the last few days I feel at the point of not caring.

I was washing dishes and thinking, it’s almost like I’m ready to give up.

I can’t even feel the attraction (cold be cause of the porn and my state in
life though) and it feels so shitty, like I’m missing out on that part of
my life and am destroying my mind because why not if I can’t get anywhere

Then I thought, no I need to not destroy my mind. I need to do the exact
opposite. I need to become better, healthier. I need to figure everything
out. I need to correct my sex drive and outlook, at the biological level
if nessesary.

I don’t remembe how I got to the next point but I thought about going back
to having the awesome focus I had back in Seneca(at least in the first year lol
and maybe the last).

I don’t know if I was thinking about it for the sake of the money,
or if it came out of seeing how I devolved into watching porn again.

Oh, I remember thinking I need to sleep more and be healthy in every
way possible and make it a routine I can’t break Then I thought,
the thing keeping me from sleeping is just my search for novelty.

So I thoug, wow, so this search for novelty, this Ne that everyone
in the MBTI land is praising as something I should just let run free,
actually ruins my sleep? So then, maybe it isn’t so important that
I keep it unhinged at all times. Maybe I need to control it.

Sure this guy on youtube is telling me to watch humor for Ne before bed
and maybe that would HELP, but the fact is I would be watching humor
instead of what I REALLY want to do which is surf the internet endlessly or
watch all of code geass and then porn lol.

What I did in college and before was I decided that my natural inclination
towards constantly seeking novely was actually in excess and was
like a drug like behaviour and that it needed to be controlled
(not eliminated, just tempered).

I did this by creating times of the day where I could play very vanilla
games and watch tv shows, and maybe daydream about other things, and
other times when could not. I would not deviate from those times.

I also didn’t allow myself to focus to deeply on other life paths like
becoming a musician etc. Other things that could end up taking up
my focus. I decided if I did those things it woudl have to be after
I finish school and get a job(heh, I only ended up wiht a part time
job unrelated to my feild so in a way I never stuck to the plan.

Anyway, it worked out extremely well both in college and before
when I was studying for a personal trainer exam.

I realize that in that part of my life, I wasn’t bored out of my mind.
I wasn’t suffering. I found it hard to really get passionate about
the work(partly because I decided passion would only be distraction and
partly becaue I just had other dreams). Still though, I enjoyed myself
the majority of the time.

See the way the brain works, (anyones brain I guess) is that if you do
and accept doing boring shit for long enough, you will find the fun in the
boring shit. It’s basically mindfulness. You gain more dopamine receptors
and are able to feel the enjoyment in what was boring.

If you shut yourself in your room for a whole day you would find yourself
fiddling with whatever was around you. This is because you are
becoming aware of the fun that could be had in just fiddling.

So really, by trying to seek out more and more novelty, of which there is
an endless supply, all we do is make it harder to enjoy ourselves.

Succuming to this feeling of wanting novelty, is paralell to succuming
to the feeling of not wanting to exercise (if you feel that). The more
you succumb to it, the weaker and more needy you will become. The harder
it will be for you to do simple tasks. The less FREE you will be.

Get it? See I am not simply in school and looking for work so that I can
meet women. I also want freedom. What is freedom though? Do you think
freedom is being able to have sex with whoever you want?
I disagree because that could infring on their freedom to have or not
have sex with you.

Do you think freedom is the ability to go or see or experience novel stimuli
whenever you want? I feel most people would say this is freedom, but I
disagree. See you could have that freedom, but if you always have the
need to experience those things and that need for the novelty constantly
overcomes you then you are not free.

Freedom comes from self mastery. Being able to be whoever you want to be
whenever you want to be it. To be able to be happy when you want to be
happy for instance, or at least to be able to work toward that feeling.

So what is with Ne and being a blessing and a curse?
Well I guess it works until it doesn’t. It works until there is too much
in the world for us to get into. Until there is drugs, and porn, and an
endless sea of information. Once we’ve reached this point, we should also
have reached a point where we can control our impulses because our impulses
are based on survival, on scarcity, which is not what we have now.

What we have now is the chance to evolve. It could be that evolving the brain
evolves the genes and the body. We will find out when we get there.

See if something is keeping me from sleeping. That is, keeping me from
being healthy. Then IT must have limits on it’s ability to aid my well

I’ll just note, after a lot of boring stuff, to be able to sit down and watch
an anime feels so good. Which to me means the dopamine.

Also, as soon as I get in this mindset of taking control of myself, I no longer
feel weak and at the mercy of my emotions. As soon as I let go of Ne and
decide I need to just be ok with boring, I feel so much more confident. More
confident, stronger. I feel powerful. Like I can do anything.

Self Mastery, Mind even more than body, is what becomeing supernatural,
having super powers, is all about for me. It even feels like it.

So what do I want to do.

I thought of just going for programming again but I realized what is the
point. For one, it would suck if worst case senario 2 years down the
road I still can’t get work.
It would even suck if I did get work because I would be limiting myself
as to what else I could do to possible get paid to do something more
meaningful to me. Meaning is indipendant of novelty which is another reason
why fun has no place in job decisions. The job could be boring and not
fun in some areas but still be the most meaningful thing you could be
doing in the long run.

So I decided I would continue with school and lean more towards political
science snd philosophy because I feel that is an area where I can actually
make a huge difference.

I mean making a difference is good for two reasons.
1 is that most likely I can make more money that way.
2 is that I will make a difference either way which beats going into
programming and not making money or a differce, or making money but
never feeling fulfilled.

So I choose to go into the poliscie stuff but with focus, not seeking
novelty, and a “fun time”.

See, the more you seek out a fun time(novel stuff), the more fun time
eludes you because you just grow weaker. The more you just do what you
think will make a difference in the world, the more the fun will come
with it.

So my plan is to stick to that. Also on the side I want to study chinese
by reading and writing out phrases, only those I see in the software
etc that I use often so that I will always be using it. For speaking
and listening I might have to do a serious srs thing again and I can
do it.

So I will put a lot of my focus into perfect body habits.
Then into school.
Then into language.
Then if I had to pick oneother thing it might be writing or music I don’t know.

I feel like in letting go of Ne, of trying to get it all for my Ne, I will
actually become more open and enjoy life more. Only when I’m not trying
to though, so it will be tricky. Either way I should always feel more
powerful and in a higher state of mind knowing that I have a path. The path
I feel is most meaningful. That with my superpowers I can do anything and
with them, this is what I have chosen to do.

Can’t really beat that.

I also remember meditating with resident eveil soundtrack music playing as
well as other cool memories like that. With all the rigidity I had going
on, I feel like I lived more, experienced more, tnan if I were in a
constant state of trying to find something more fun to do.

Might as well start on whatever seems most meaningful(not fun). If
somethign comes along that is truly more meaningful to me etc, then
sure I can switch but otherwise I will achieve things that need to
be achieved.

Aesthetics and Evolution

Well I spent most of today again thinking about what I might want
to do. Like, what I might want to strive towards in life, beyond
the basic ideas like helping others, improving, etc.

I did some research on the development of Fe which led me to
people saying it was about thinking more about others and wanting
to help them more, or something?

I thought maybe this could mean like, career goals would change
depending on hwo developed Fe was, which mine is developed strongly.

Btw, I might have been a tech nerd had it not been for parents gettng
a computer late (lack of funds lol) and schools not understanding me,
plus the way math is taught, yuck lol.

Although as I think about it, I was always more drawn to arts.

I also thought more about me, an my own evolution, and
how best to go about getting there.

I watched some teal swan stuff and in comments I checked out some of
the users and they often had liked some of the same vids as me.
One was a song by freddy and graffix called major happy. As I listened
to it I remembered how much I like landscapes.

I remembered ATB – The feilds of love, which has a music video with
even more of that beautiful landscape, and a few years ago I had a
fantasy about building an aircraft and flying away towards such

I realized beauty is still a huge passion of mine.
I remembered my first girlfriend and how that relationship was
based on our shared passion for all sorts of beauty. We were in
high school and some of wat we were studying back then was interesting,
but if I recall correctly, beauty was our focus then, and I was
very happy.

So part of me wonders what art and beauty do to the mind, which is
I guess where my scientific side will stay active. Wondering about these
things, and what we can do to improve ourlives and evolve.

I think about the fact that eventually we wont have to work as much. I
mean, as people are replaced by computers etc. Iunno, maybe it wont
happen that way, or at least it wont be for a long time.

However, what it made me think about was the celestine prophecy(which my
first gf gave me lol) where beauty which turned into love, was the thing
that was thought to be paramount in a post scarcity post worker society.

So it makes me think…that is when art forms and beauty would become
more important.

As well, I feel like, if people started, not forcing, but advertising
their art more, they would be advertising the idea of art, as well
as sharing the beauty, with everyone.

Well, this all has me thinking, that maybe meaningful work could come
out of just cherishing beauty more, in more productive ways, than I have
been. I mean because lately I have been torn between what would bring me
closer to money and therefore sex, and the fact that my happiness is
important and may not come from those things, and that my happiness is
what might get me those things.

If I were to just focus 100% on even just surrounding myself with beauty
what would happen? I mean take control of my environment in this way,
systematically, based on, and as I continue, becoming more intouch with my

If possible, I would love to be able to create a shift in societies
appreciation in true beauty, as opposed to what I’ve been seeing in
most of the media today which is just watered down.

Davinci was most well know as a Painter.

So I want to do a thought experiment right now. If starting now I were to
surround myself with beauty, what would I do, and what would the result be.

I would do music, maybe get a few new room posters, sing more and walk
around outside more, I could commit to drawing
based on one art peice every day. I could commit to reading a certain amount
of poetry, every day, trying to discover or uncover poets I resonate with.

I just thought of one major thing that could happen which is memory
improvements. I feel like beautiful things , music, art(at least drawing
something) rhymer, etc, are easier to remember. If you think about it,
the more you can (and want to) remember, the more you will have to draw
from when thinking. So really, the more beauty you take in, especially that
which has some intellectual/conceptual competent, the smarter you should get.

So an interesting area to look into would be the bridge between cognitive science
and aesthetics. What are the algorithms of aesthetics and what are the
corresponding states in the mind? For example. I’m guess it will have
to do with being more interconnected conceptually and in the brain.

This is interested as life and reality are also based on everything being

So iunno what is more important to me at this point. Beauty, or understanding.

I guess I should do both as I’ve said. If I can’t produce one day I can
at least surround myself with it in as many ways as possible, and exercise
for more beauty and better perception of beauty.

How to focus on the journey & Can you make it enjoyable?

Heres another idea,

I just thought of, when I realized, even though I
can learn Hanzi way faster, I still feel like rushing,
just getting it over with, and that that attitude is like
almost garanteed fail.

Even with something like exercise. If I were to say,
“ah, I just need to be 180lb and I’ll be set for life”
I would burn out, because then I’ve set like a goal,
an end point that I need to reach, as opposed to just
working out.

“just working out” for me, is more like, seeing every workout
as a goal in itself, where as “trying to reach 180” means
every workout inbetween counts as almost nilch/ziltch/whatever lol.

When I forget about the long term and just crank the music,
and get the pump for that day, and be strong and awesome
in the moment’s I am working out, and focus on those
things, it becomes enjoyable.

So I think it’s important, maybe especially to really focus on
feeling awesome in the moment for my performance.

Now kind of related might be that I enjoy making music more
when I’m just out for a walk and doing it to entertain myself.
In this case maybe I’m more focused on an artistic awesomeness
Still though, I mean it maybe partly about the enjoyment.

So iunno, I wouldn’t call it mindfulness exactly, but it is
about being present, making the most of the situation, basically
turning it into an expression of me(well that’s how I’ve been making
the most of things with working out etc.

I turn it into an expression of awesomeness. I play music, I make it
dramatic, almost role play. It’s also creative, even though in a
more subtle way. I pose in the mirror, I lift to the music, make
facial expressions, focus on technique(which is probably diff for everyone).
All these things enhance my experience at the gym and at this point they
come naturally I guess.

With singing etc, same kinda deal, imagining I’m on stage,
expressing myself. Being creative with how I sing, with technique,
facial expression, timber, pronounciation, etc.

My hypothesis as I sit here and reflect on all this, is that all those
little things I do, give me little boosts of dopamine.
The time between chosing to be creative in some small way, and
acting on that impulse and thus being rewarded, is so small that
the dopamine is almost instantaneous.

Let’s compare that to if I were just focusing on reaching some
far off goal. Every day that I measure myself and see that I
have not reached that goal, could be seen as a small failure in
which case dopamine would decrease instead of increasing.

That is no fun.

So what I need to do when I pick up a goal, is to not be
focused on the long term at all. I mean, I can set the goal
so I can work effectivly towards it, allocating the right amount
of time each day. Beyond that though, I need to let go of it,
and focus on enjoying every moment of the process.

How do I do that.
It seems for me it will come down to creative expression through
whatever work I am doing. It needs to be creative for the sake
of enjoyment though. Like, I have decided to do this thing, now
I want to turn it into something I love.

So part of that is I need to have decided, otherwise if something
better comes along and distracts me it wont matter if I was
enjoying myself. So I need to first decide that this thing is
important enough to me, which for Chinese it is.

Then, how do I make it fun?
For learning the hanzi, I need to write them out, so the best
I can do there, is write them in a beautiful way. The strokes,
the positioning, sentences, altering lines to make it even more
cool looking. There is a lot to play with there.
Then after creating these things, and I need to make it as
perfect as I can along with it being creative, so that I wont feel
like it’s creative but sloppy. I want it to be displayable. Then I
want to actually have them on the wall of my room, so I get constant
feedback about the beautiful work I’ve created. Constant reward
to add to my motivation.

For talking, for one I can watch funny things. For another though,
I mean, when I’m bored (yes this again), when I’m bored and I just have
chinese flowing through my head, sometimes I’ll just repeat what I can
remember, and really pronounce it as beautifully, or creatively, as I
can. It feels good to do this. Well, even to be more precise, it could
be that I like repeating things that just sound good to me for whatever
reason, iunno. I could start there, at least on rough days lol, but
in general I feel like as long as I can be creative enough I can turn things
beautiful for my entertainment.

So I’ll try to get into these things and just make them into habits.

even with doing the dishes at work, I’ve created techniques and I do
them in ways that make them beautiful. Like, iunno, like a robot, or something.
Just really, I guess efficient and maybe graceful.

This is opening up a whole new way of seeing achievement.

Also another important thing to realize is that, well at least for me,
as I get older and a lot of my childhood memories are fading or so it
seems, I want to creat new memories. I see the importance of experiencing life
in a way that is memorable, instead of always seeking something else.

So it’s good that through this way of seeking goals by just enjoying them,
I can kind of do that because I’ll be more focused on making the things
enjoyable and so I’ll be more focused on the experiences. Way more than if
I could somehow get a high paying job that was meh.

So an even higher level of thinking that I’ve afforded myself here is that
I can see that this is my expereince of life that I am taking control
of by actively seeking to experience my activity, instead of just finding the
fastest way to the goal. The goals are really not that important. Final
Fantasy, is not about the goal, it is about the journey, and making it as
exciting as possible, so that you hope it never ends.

Hanzi Mega-Pictorials

This idea is inspired by the hanzi Biang which isapparently the most complex hanzi, or at least the one with the most strokes.

I realized hat allthough it s a big character, its’s components are all pretty simple and common, which make it a sinch to learn.

How, here is the thing. It’s probabbly as easy to learn and/or forget, as any other hanzi, even a relally small one, at least initially. It’s almost like it’s uniqueness and interconnectedness makes it easier to learn or something, iunno.

So my idea, is to create a bunch of mega hanzi which represent some larger idea. If I learn one hanzi composed on may 10 smaller hanzi that I have seen but haven’t memorized, I would only have to draw this one hanzi to learn all of the hanzi within it, as long as I could put them together in a way that should how they connect to each other. This would be better than trying to learn them in isolation, or even in sentences. I would be creating diagrams of the hanzi meanings and commiting those to memory.

Also, doing it thisway would allow me to be creative and expressive as I would be able to choose which hanzi to put in each diagram and it could be based on things other than just similarity or something. Although I could do it this way. One main radical in the middle and the radicals that add meaning spread around it based on some other ideas related to their meanings.

So creating a mega picture thing in this way is awesome on many levels:

1. It means you aren’t writing each hanzi, you right the radical in the center and then only the components around it so you don’t have to remember as much information. You create the diagram and then later you decode it if you need the info.

2. The context from having so many radicals and the positions you can play with allows you to add meaning to them and this makes it easier to remember the meanings just from seeing the diagram, which is easy enough to remember and reproduce because …

3. You have less diagrams to remember than if you tried to remember Hanzi at random. The Hesig method helps I guess in that you learn them more in order, but the method really increases how much information you need to process by requiring the creation of stories for each character. With this method you turn 8-10 characters (or maybe more), into one mega picture and the context of the radicals within means you have less trouble recalling. All in all, you have far less information to store, that information is associative, and by learning only one or two diagrams per day, each diagram will remain more familiar to you.

Instead of learning 3000 Hanzi, if you create diagrams with ten characters each, you only need to learn 300 diagrams.

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