The exploration Mindset: Making Boring things fun and feel like not a waste of time

It isn’t hard to imagine that if you go into something trying to explore, you will come up with something interesting eventually. Also, everything is connected, if you are looking for connections, you should find them…although trying to find connections can sometimes be like iunno, work? lol However, I feel like it can turn into more of a day dream once a connection or something interesting is found, so that from there it is smooth sailing.

So the technicalities. One I thing I’ve just realized, is that when I’m trying to learn something I might need to actively stop and explore my experience, instead of just continuing to try and cram my head with stuff.

Just like mindfulness when if you are in a bad mood, you can explore that mood and it becomes less bad,exploring the mood is different from just experiencing it.

So! I tried exploring and it felt ok. What happened was I started with and was just reviewing, then I went onto some new characters, but instead of just going through a bunch I started asking questions about each one like “what is the main concept?” “do you have anything to add to this observation?” “can you give three observations about this character?” “does any thing come to mind that this idea relates to in your life?”

This kinda helped for the first 2 or 3. Then I came to one where I really had very little to say. So what I did was I moved on to the words it was used in, and obseverved those, then the characters in those,
and the words they were used in. So I ended up taking notes on I guess 10 characters, 7 of which are part of words. I still feel a kind of stress from this, like I feel that lump in my throat or the need to swallow…however I feel like if I can explore endlessly and voraciously, only trying long enough to
TEST if there is something interesting, befor moving on, maybe I will be able to keep some kind of interest.

Also, after that, I though, well I have a comic book I can read now I guess I’ll do that. However, then that felt like, too easy. Like, it felt like just eating candy or something unhealthy but that tasted good. Iunno. I wonder if maybe the exploration mindset is healthy, and the mindless entertainment is unhealthy, and if I can somehow switch to only exploring. It feels like, with the exploration mindset, it’s challenging yes, but it’s also like I am responsible for my own fun, instead of sitting back to be entertained by someone else. I have to find the fun, the interesting aspects of what I’m working on. This is good because if I can do this, the “interesting things” will be probably more valuable than things I didn’t have to work to notice or discover and that are closer to common knowledge anyway.

I just started a Mandarin Blog

Before I get to the Mandarin:

I’ll get to the mandarin in a second, first I wanna talk about art. I realized that when doing art and I guess music as well, I am way more motivated when working towards a goal that I will benefit from, rather than just practice. I find I learn pretty fast already and that I can learn things as I go. Practicing just to be practicing…to possible “master” something eventually, doesn’t appeal to me as much and I think that holds me back from any practice at all. So I realized I should probably focus on acquiring skills through purposeful use of them.

The Mandarin(not the restaurant…unless you are asking me out. In either case the following bracket is to close this aside, not to create a sad face with the colon that follows it):

Now for the mandarin bit, if you haven’t guessed already. I decided I should try to find a way to do the same for mandarin, and I realized one of the best ways would be to create a journal. Btw, I can’t help but notice my art ideas(a comic at least) and my Mandarin ideas (blog) are both very social in nature and I am motivated by this I THINK, but I wasn’t a few weeks ago…like back when I wasn’t on nofap. Just throwing that out there as it’s (common)knowledge that testosterone is a pro-social hormone.

Anyways, so as soon as I started making that first post I realized, wow there is a lot of review going on here. First I have to copy and paste from google translate, double checking the characters seem to say what I want to say. Also I can look at the pinyin for the words. Then I have to copy and paste the keywords again for tags. Then I have to search for keywords in the categories, or in this case add new ones as I had no categories as it was my first post.

I think  should do more of this, just immersing myself in Chinese, using it in my life. Using it to express myself.

Keep a beautiful journal in Chinese (Power of Aesthetics)

I stumbled on some motivational tips in a scientific america magazin
which initiated some pondering, which resulted in some ideas about what
I might enjoy doing in Chinese.

namingly, writing in a cool ass journal.
This journal has to be cool, and look cool, etc, as this will be part
of what motivates me to write in it.

Also the fact that I be able to show anyone who reads it, “this is the chinese
I know” etc, would mean everytime I write I get an instant sense of
being more chinese and that I am making visual accomplishments.

Also, the more I write in it, the more valuable it will become, especially
if I write observations about my day, or notes about myself.

I just hope I can learn enough through using it, instead of an Srs.
I mean, I hope I will memorize enough.

I plan is to make it like a TAG style Journal where I have a set of questions
that I answer every day for a week or so, then next week I will have another

For each day I write, I’ll first write out the question, before answering
it so I at least get practise writing and comprehending the questions
I write out.

Also this structure means less burden on me to come up with things to
say on the spot when I write. It makes it more of a task based thing.

Although I can still write stuff afterwards for fun.

I also like this because it allows the artistin me to come out in a more
passive but stll rewarding way.

Just like when someone was asked how to turn toasting bread into a game
someone would want to play. The first thought was, make the toast “cute”.
Aesthetics seem to actually be that important.

I mean yeah you can see businesses where people stay on websites or
in stores or whatever based on beautiful or user freindly it is.
What I’m discussing here though is like, can you make doing homework,
more fun than going to a party, through proper use of aesthetics?
I hope to prove this to be the case.

Aesthetics seem to have the ability to add meaning to something.
Would samurias be as romantizised if their swords and armor didn’t look
beautiful. Probably not. Aesthetics might actually hold a huge amount
of power that we can use to our advantage by weighting our tasks
with aesthetic appeal so that the most important task, is made to be
the most beautiful,(and I guess most personalized (like adding your
own touches to the stuff you beautify)) so that they draw you in the

I mean, Chinese drew me in because of it’s beauty.

That is also another thing. It would suck if liking chinese so much, I
didn’t allow myself to write in it and own my writing.

Also those writing prompts could even evolve into a game that
I could play with others. Like, everyone getting the same question
and having to answer in just a few words, but getting lot’s of comprehension
from the reading, etc.

Also, notebooks have way more context than srs cards, and after a few
reviews you will have the connections of a whole page for each page of study
instead of just one card.

Also, I will be able to draw on previous pages in future writings allowing
me to use more and better language the more I keep at it.

I went for a jog today, and after work as well, I was feeling pretty motivated.
I’m just waiting till tmr, though because I want to by nice notebook, probably
from coles/indigo

“following a formula get’s old fast”.
How about I decide each day what I’m going to write but I need to
write a minimum of 50 words plus reading a number of previous pages
chinese first just to see how much has stuck. Once it’s allo stuck I
leave it for a random review which I could even schedule as a day where
I pick  few pages at random to review.

Hanzi Mega-Pictorials

This idea is inspired by the hanzi Biang which isapparently the most complex hanzi, or at least the one with the most strokes.

I realized hat allthough it s a big character, its’s components are all pretty simple and common, which make it a sinch to learn.

How, here is the thing. It’s probabbly as easy to learn and/or forget, as any other hanzi, even a relally small one, at least initially. It’s almost like it’s uniqueness and interconnectedness makes it easier to learn or something, iunno.

So my idea, is to create a bunch of mega hanzi which represent some larger idea. If I learn one hanzi composed on may 10 smaller hanzi that I have seen but haven’t memorized, I would only have to draw this one hanzi to learn all of the hanzi within it, as long as I could put them together in a way that should how they connect to each other. This would be better than trying to learn them in isolation, or even in sentences. I would be creating diagrams of the hanzi meanings and commiting those to memory.

Also, doing it thisway would allow me to be creative and expressive as I would be able to choose which hanzi to put in each diagram and it could be based on things other than just similarity or something. Although I could do it this way. One main radical in the middle and the radicals that add meaning spread around it based on some other ideas related to their meanings.

So creating a mega picture thing in this way is awesome on many levels:

1. It means you aren’t writing each hanzi, you right the radical in the center and then only the components around it so you don’t have to remember as much information. You create the diagram and then later you decode it if you need the info.

2. The context from having so many radicals and the positions you can play with allows you to add meaning to them and this makes it easier to remember the meanings just from seeing the diagram, which is easy enough to remember and reproduce because …

3. You have less diagrams to remember than if you tried to remember Hanzi at random. The Hesig method helps I guess in that you learn them more in order, but the method really increases how much information you need to process by requiring the creation of stories for each character. With this method you turn 8-10 characters (or maybe more), into one mega picture and the context of the radicals within means you have less trouble recalling. All in all, you have far less information to store, that information is associative, and by learning only one or two diagrams per day, each diagram will remain more familiar to you.

Instead of learning 3000 Hanzi, if you create diagrams with ten characters each, you only need to learn 300 diagrams.

Theories in motivation and learning

One theory is that there is this period of development where a child wants to take things apart and see how they work. If they are aloud to do this and taught about the things they take apart, their interest in those things will grow, but if they are not aloud to take them apart or if they can’t figure out anything about it afterwards the interest may fade. Just an idea. In addition to this is my idea that that interest doesn’t go away completely but remains as dormant interest that can only be rekindled in the proper environment where things can be taken apart and understood.

Notice schools mostly don’t work this way. For the most part school relies on teaching kids about individual components and only at the very end do they learn how things come together in maybe on or two applications. This is the reverse from a childhood motivation which is to seem many completed devices and wanting to work their way down to see how they work.

This leads me to my next idea. That maybe I could create a learning environment for myself based on things that are whole, completed things, that I then take apart.

Beyond this is the idea that it doesn’t necessarily have to be like, a whole computer, just the basic functioning component. What I mean is, if you hand me a capacitor I wont be intrigued. Sure you could hand me a whole computer, but really if you just handed me the smallest application of the capacitor and let me look at that whole thing, I would also be intrigued. By application I mean something where I see a visible or audible effect. Something that has an effect on my physical world.

So this is another theory I want to think about. Are we more intrigued by things we can actually see, hear, touch, and even more so by things that we can see having a mechanical/automated effect on the environment. If this were true it would mean the difference between learning computer programming by just writing code for a long time vs purposely compiling and running that code every minute just to get that hit of dopamine when you see your program have an effect on the screen.

You know how people say, ” I loved programming from the first time I got the computer to print words out to the screen.”, ya? So this must be a pretty important idea. Maybe critical to the enjoyment of learning programming. Being able to see often, the results of your work. This could be hard in some cases when you have a lot of errors etc, but  guess the whole point would be to create a system of learning that keeps errors to a minimum, but also if possible is not predictable in what comes to the screen.

I notice a strong paralell between this and learning a language where learning just hanzi in chinese has become actually painful, and I would much rather learn sentences which are actually functional.

I’m already in school for psychology, I might as well see if it’s possible to create the kind of system that makes learning anything fun.

Are you the type who likes someone to teach you how to play a game first, or do you like to learn as you go along? I feel most people would rather get right into the fun of the game. To me that is the difference between learning about components and learning about simple applications.

In fact, even a capacitor is more fun if you hook it up to a dmm and see how current reacts to it etc. But a small application hooked up to that dmm would be more interesting.

Physical Environment and artistic Inspiration: Interior Designing

I am realizing now that I am actually way more influenced by my physical environment then I thought. Influenced, and inspired by it. Ok, let’s begin!

So I have thought and wrote about this before. That it seems unlike most hobbies, music is something that I can kind of slip into. Like once I start making a song and it sounds ok, I can just keep going and it will sound better and better as I go along. The same can’t really be said for something like writing. I mean yes I could potentially get started writing a short fiction story and as I get more into it I’ll maybe become more interested. It’s not the same thing though. Here is why.

When I write  story, I rarely read it again. I have it in the back of my mind of course, if it’s any good, but just like with most stories and most people who read them, it’s only if you become obsessed with it, that you would sit down and read it again, multiple times.

With music though it seem it’s often the case where if it’s good you will play it over and over. Unless you purposefully try not to ruin it so you only listen to it once in a while.

What I’m getting at, is music is a physical thing, it has a presence an influences us whenever it’s on, regardless of whether we are paying active attention or not. In this way it is a lot like exercise and learning a second language. They are things that once acquired/worked on etc, have passive value.

I came to this realization because I have been trying to become inspired to do something like create games(which combines many elements of art into one almost). However I have troubles getting and staying inspired.

The first reason for this I think is I do better when I am working with other people because I get inspired by their energy. However, I have just realized another important aspect of what inspires me. I am inspired by things that effect my external physical environment.

Yes I have wrote fiction ideas down when the inspiration hit, but that was actually rare. I get ideas of course, and I think about philosophy, etc, but this is different. My thoughts and ideas gain inspiration from my internal world, and unless I see a need to express those thoughts, or if I write them out as I go along or later, like a journal, that is not the same as work.  Thinking is something we do to solve problems etc, Butting all that stuff on youtube in video form though? That is work lol, so I haven’t done much of that. Although I may at some point iunno.

Anyways, I realize I just crave r at least draw energy from my physicak external environement and so it makes sense that it would be the area where I could put effort into, knowing I will get energy back. It’s important that I get energy back from my endevours, and if I can’t depend on people online because the energy I get from a screen is not very high, and people have way less invested in online interactions/ I need something physical.

One thing I could do is join groups, but I’m already in school with a full course load and this may be enough. A lot of themost inpiring ideas I get are based on the physical world. Game stages irl with high falls, and undertoe water pools that lead to different chambers. Another thing I always like is putting posters up n my room. Sure this isn’t a big deal in an of it’self but the idea is held up. I often have had ideas for turning my room into some crazy other worldy experience actually.

I feel like if I were to join groups it woudl be good to join ones that allow mr to improve on them if I get the ideas. A drama theater club might be everything in one, but maybe no.

In general though, a focus on things in my physical space like my room, and kind of moddifying it, could e fun to do, and maybe even fun to post on youtube. It would at least feel inspiring to me. Just like my music. Infact I could put these two things together.

It really is an ambient based thing I have going here. My music sounds pretty ambient, and I like making cool environments.  could be just tired, but this seems like a good idea right now lol.

Then f I really wanted to, I could extend this idea by creating games based on my room. Iunno.

It seems like an extension of my enjoyment of building physical things, for instance I would love to build a house but that isn’t aloud in the city just like that, for safety reasons.

So iunno, basically I think I may need to get more physical in order to keep the energy flowing.

Getting over recognition to find inspiration.

After I read a fair number of enjoyable books I started thinking to myself, “I can do this”. Meaning I can make one of the same, equally amazing and deserving of praise. Once I realized that, and really it was a case of new found confidence in myself, I also decided it wouldn’t be right that I just keep reading without ever making something of my own. I disliked the idea that I would keep letting these architects of my education spoon feed me, not letting me grow in my own direction. I disliked the feeling that they were the authorities and I would remain only a student of theirs. I disliked that everyone else would see me as only that as well.

So after that, I guess I was less able to enjoy the writing of someone else because I felt like it was a lie that I would settle for being entertained an educated by a false authority who would overshadow me in my experience of life. Part of it I think was just that I grew out of the authors I was reading. However, the other part I’m sure was this feeling that I was not getting recognized for my strengths(which was partly because I didn’t feel a strong sense of connection intellectually with anyone).

Well, I still read some things, just mostly focusing on works that would help me find myself more, instead of entertainment. Even then, I tried to figure things out on my own often.

Now I have discovered that one thing that makes me feel most alive is discovery. Not to be confused with searching. I enjoy discovery, but I’d rather get there through making connections, than through searching endlessly.

Anyways, so I feel like one of the most fun methods of discovery was through entertainment like books. Now if I wrote my own books, yes I think I would be discovering just by making connections in order to make something entertaining. However, that is limited by my creative energy. Also, in reading more, I gain more ideas that I can weave into something else. Novels should remain for the fun of it, and I should read more discovery oriented things, for discovery.

Basically, once I am not focused on gaining recognition, I can focus on gaining inspiration however is best.

New Focus: Connection:Through art exploration and through conflict engagment

I think I can tie in a lot of ideas into this new focus actually.

I realize there are a lot of goals I’ve had only for the feeling of being admired or otherwise looked upon strongly by others instead of what I want. Recently though I’ve been teasing a lot of that out and so I’ve come to a place where I know a lot about what I don’t want to do. I don’t even want to do art or music if it’s just going to be for the sake of fame or otherwise being seen as valuable to others and not for me. I don’t want to ever have to be anxious about needing to keep up with something to keep up my image ect without being inspired.

What I want is to be inspired. To find things I love so that I can follow them no matter how many people look down on it. I watched Teal Swan and she talked as well about the importance of inspiration. However, she said things like people might need to try stuff out to find out what they like. This could work, but for me it seems I don’t often get inspired after trying things out. I often am inspired by the idea of something, and then I try it out. It seems like to try something out to see if inspiration will hit, would be almost the same as working at something I don’t enjoy hoping I’ll enjoy it afterwards. I feel a lot of my inspiration comes from art and from music and from people I connect with. So I watched some super hero stuff and some video game theorist stuff.

Then I started thinking deeply about art and the shared consciousness. Basically going on how I want to feel in my daily life. I want to feel awe and intrigue and I feel these things most often from art and music ect, as well as dreams and different states of consciousness. When I think to them I feel like those are experiences with working for, just for their own sake. However, that isn’t inspiration to create them, it’s more an inspiration to seek them out and experience the. The inspiration may come from wanting to create some of my own. I have had this inspiration for it’s own sake. I remember this, especially when I was younger. It was taking a piece of art or music and I guess changing it somehow to make it more powerful for me. Now, that might have evolved into me writing or creating my own music, but maybe the idea of “not copying other people” forced me to want to do my own work to early, and more importantly for the wrong reason. To prove myself.

So I want to try again just seeking out art and music to experience it, and if I get inspiration I’ll just go with it. Otherwise I’ll at least feel like I’m on the right track.

The other thing this ties in with is the feeling I had when I was sick last night. The feeling of what if I were to die, and realizing how lonely death seemed at that moment. Realizing how important human connection was to me. Made me want to focus maybe my whole life, on helping people connect. Whether with me or with each other iunno. Just that I felt it’s something that should be done. So it’s cool that this idea of the shared consciousness is about connection with others, as well as with the universe and creation.

Also you know how they say film/tv/stories are a form of catharsis. So I wonder why I mostly find stories with a lot of showdown type fights to be cathartic. I feel like it’s because there is so much conflict in general in interpersonal interaction. Most people ignore or avoid it. Me included. However, in avoiding it I seem to never quite get rid of it. These are strangers as well as friends, intentional and often unintentional conflict. I feel though that in trying to avoid other people and their feelings about me and themselves, and how they feel people should be treated, I just leave things untended to. I feel like these stories therefore are cathartic not because I should become a super hero as I thought for so long, but because I should meet these conflicts head on with a positive open attitude. In some ways it feels like other people are at once the slave and the master of me, but if I engage maybe create something better.

Fun For Youtube: Find Intrigue then dive deep into understanding it

So what I have been thinking about this weekend, is the focus on fun. I’m am feeling more and more like the future will depend to some extent on people having fun. By “fun” I mean attaining higher levels of happiness, joy, passion, feeling alive, ect. Well, I guess you could say I’ve been distracted even from that because I’ve actually been focusing on how the fun I plan to have, could translate into a form of value for other people.

See I am creative in general, but mostly I don’t do as much with it as some other types. At least, I don’t do as much on the outside. However, on the inside things are happening.

I wonder if I could just extrovert those things that happen in my head, just express myself more fully, would would be the result. I’ve already learned lately that in conversation, the more I am able to say what is on my mind (where it’s invited) the more value and enjoyment I end up bringing to the converation. Even negative opinions of someone, if said in the right way, will come across as not a complaint but as a humorous observation of my own disliks.

Anyways, here is the brainstorm of the solo activities I enjoy and where I feel I could add value to an audience:

Books – On the rare occasion that I’m reading a book, I am not the type to just say “that was a good read”. If I am reading a book, a book I like, I will be making connections to other concepts for the duration of that read. Sadly I think reading a book is not video worthy, but the discussion about what I’ve read might be.

Also, while I enjoy writing story ideas, it could be more efficient to instead of trying to put the random inspirations into something. I could just speak about them as they come up. This leads me to, when watching a movie and I think, well wouldn’t it be cool if this happened instead. I could voice that idea.

Music – Just nodding my head wouldn’t work. However, if I can go in deep about what exactly the song makes me feel, (like I have done in some comments, with great response) I feel like I could be adding some value there as well. I could even do this with my own songs, as well as more popular songs, or just a wider variety. Also I could accept other people reccommenting me songs as people love to do. I get it. The value that comes from reccomending ones tastes to someone else. It’s like, the chance to form a connection with someone else based on something very deep. That’s gold.

Movies are one where you could actually watch and do commentary while watching. It would be like what I do anyways in my head. Something strikes me and I just go off on a tangent and think about something for a few minutes. I could have that process outloud. Ect.

Video games, same thing. I mean there are games that are enjoyable for the gameplay and for me it would be stuff like smash bros, starcraft, mtg. That stuff is goal oriented, competition oriented stuff which is also fun (with other people) but it’s not the thing I seem to fight for the most. At least, in the past it hasn’t been the thing, or the only thing, I’ve fought for. Zelda 64 was all about just exploring and learning more about the world and about people and their perspectives through the worlds they create.

Now, this is just sticking to stuff that is fun. I’m sure people could learn from watching the way I do dishes. It’s just that that might not be as attractive, as fun. So it would be better to learn possibly the same ideas, but through something I actually find fun.

I’m now wondering how much can be learned from me, just being myself, instead of actually trying to make a name as a teacher. I wonder if the the foundations of my cognitive style could somehow be summed up in how they are expressed why I am enjoying myself. This would be very valuable I think. However, it seems at least right now, that much of my congitive developement, happened through me trying to solve the problems to get me to this point. Trying to reach a state of passion and enjoyment in life, and connection with people, and meaning.

It is possible, especially with the music analysis, if I focus on the emotions, that I could be leading people in more emotional/spiritual exploration and that this would be as/if not more important than the reasoning that got me here.

I am kind of shifting to the focus of value more than fun at this point. Iunno, maybe I shouldn’t. I think I now focusing on it for the sake of seeing if I have somehting worth putting on youtube, and something good for humanity.

Anyways, so I kind of feel like that sweetspot for me for engagement, would be letting people recommend me songs and also my choice of songs being stuff more than just I enjoy. Then leading the views through my emotional analysis of myself as I listen to these songs. Not just for them, but also for me, as it would be a form of learning about myself and about the world and other perspectives. Also it activates my imagination in a far more natural way than if I just sat down trying to create stories.

Oh, this sounds familiar. I realized the same thing about learning Chinese today. I don’t enjoy making up stories just for the sake of productivity. I’d much rather be making a story based on guessing of what actually could be. It’s a form of exploration, or wonder. Sometimes that wonder is initiated by some random thought or sight or occurance. However, in cased where a person has created a sort of mystery, my imagination can often run wild in search of possibilities.

So there could be this natural trend in my productivity where I do best when I have something in front of me that is intriguing. Wether it is a written language, or my own emotional reactions to something. Also I guess you could say this creativity is a good form of problem solving and that the more indepth I can go with my digging, the more other could benifit.

The secret here seems to be in finding things that generate that intrigue. Not all things do this. Physics doesn’t often seem to do this. It’s just to of this world for me. I see possibilities far beyond it.

Hanzi Burnout impending: My Counter Measures

well I’m starting to get that burnout feeling with the Hanzi again. Well, either that or it’s that I did them right after a wheat based meal and that is the real problem. and/or sleep.

I’m gonna try something though because I think the problem is reviews and new mnemonics are both too much of a strain.
Btw, I’ll note I’m not using RTH. WHy? Well mainly as a challenge.

So, during reviews I’m gonna skip any Hanzi I can’t get really fast, and for reviews If I don’t know it in 10seconds I’ll suspend. it. Also I could even try to add a new one for each Hanzi I suspend in this way.

As for learning new ones, my pIan is to go through the deck learning all the easy ones first. Skip any of them that I can’t easily make a story for. I might even focus on etymology, or what seems like it would be the etymology or could make sense in that way. Those seem to be the best for me in terms of memorizing. The ones that are enjoyable to do.

Then I go back through the deck and the ones that WERE hard will be less hard the second time through because I’ll be able to use my knowledge of the already known characters as a stronger base. I’ll just keep doing that, making it so I am only ever learning easy Hanzi.

Ok I’ll try it.

Also I’ll add, that peole usually can do rtk/rth and learn them in 2-3 months at 20-25 a day. For me it’s been 10/day and taking 30+ minutes. I know it’s because I’m not using rth so I’m left having to come up with stories including 4+ elements which rth would avoid.

So I think this new idea will adress that problem because I will skip over any characters that have more that 2 elements, unless I can make sense of them right away.

Also it’s actually very interesting that the characters where I make mnemonics using stories about super heros ect, actually make me mad and frusterated (which leads to burn out). Where as the characters where I just make sense of the radicals in some way, lead to satisfaction. I’m going to take this seriously. I feel it has to do with my personality, where I enjoy learning things conceptual logical things, and dislike learning things that have no connection to anything else (and a very strong example of having no connection is stories that I make up just to form a memory but that I have no interest in otherwise).

On the macro level the example would be going to school for electronics and computers which is not something I had much interest in, and it being hard. Then now I’m studying psychology and philosophy ect which is very connected to who I am and what I want, and it being easy.

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