aesthetics and diagrams, obfuscation and fun

Based on the half dream I’ve been having for the last
few hours where I’ve somehow been mulling over the idea of
creating art out of a learning experience.

I remember one part where I had created a website? or maybe
more of a digital art collage? but with parts you could
click on to make things happen.

It was very intersting and beautiful, and seemed to be filled
with images that were symbolic of concepts and were connected
together. SO it was kind of like an artistic diagram.

I think it was a lot of electronic concepts actually…but maybe
other things as well.

Also my music “what age means” was playing along with it.
I either was displaying it to others, or imagining the time when
I might do so, and it was inspiring.

Now that I’m awake I find a paralell to the way I’v been trying to
learn hanzi which is that I’ve been making diagrams that show the
connections, and I plan to use a ruler to make even neater looking
diagrams as they actually seem like the most beautiful thing in
my journal.

Also the diagram was almost like a game, or a movie, I remember,
like it was fun and an experience. That would be good for
a method of study. To create something I enjoy re-experiencing.

I enjoy reexperiencing my music, that’s for sure.

This is interesting though, because it’s like I got a glimse
of a possibility, one that could be revolutionary in learning and
art and I guess in my life, and now I can try working backwards to figure
out how to get there.

So, if I want to create an experience I’d enjoy again, well what seemed
to really help in the dream was that the music went directly with the
images…so I guess it was animation…so like, like amvs??!!

That could be awesome, because I enjoy watching my amvs repeatedly!

Poetry was like…one level above simple diagrams, in the artistic sense,
but I struggled to make them fun to recite as they seemed devoid of
artistic expression.

It could be that my artistic expression is more logical and so creating
stories and poetry that don’t express logical things, things worth
understanding, it ends up being not relevant or meaningful to me.

So maybe, like the hanzi diagrams, it would be better to focus on
making the method of diagraming, more beautiful, instead of
obfuscating the knowledge with art. So, using art in a way that
enhances understanding instead of the opposite.

So for example, the pie chart, could be seen as a form of aesthetics
simply because it’s a way of symbolizing something visually that is
more EFFICIENT(as efficiency and beauty are related).

rhyme works, when linking relevant facts together. However, rhyme that
links facts together but through adding in irrelevant untasteful information
, might not be as beautiful.

animation works well because it is a way of visualizing something that
otherwise wouldn’t be visualized. Along with sound effects, music,
and art in the drawing of symbolic images, it because very aestehtically
pleasing, some times even creating a whole other world around the
concept when the animation, sound fx ect come together well enough. Then
there is no need for extra irrelevant information.

This can be seen as an ENTP goal actually. By that I mean, it could
be a thing that all entps are built to do somehow, or that is on of their
highest forms of self expression. For example, Steve jobs revolution
of Apple, and pixar, was at is base, about this. Adding aesthetics
to the expression of information.

Leonardo Da Vinci was also about this, or at least his drawings
of inventions in his notebooks etc, and the way he painted, it was
conveying information in the most effective way possible.

It could be why I like electronics more than programming…because I
get to see more diagrams in electronics. Even the actually creation
of deviced, involves wiring connections together between different

Maybe if programming could be done in this wayWow, with code blocks
connected together. Even parts of algorithms should be visualized
as components. Actually, even math itself could be visualized as
being made up of components. Even philosophy could be.

Wow, I learned so much by going to bed early…enough that I woke up
3 hours in to write all this.

When I look at the diagrams in my hanzi journal, they just seem like
…like expensive. Like the most expensive thing in my journal, the
most significant. (also it’s the only thing written in pen lol, but

So maybe, to me, I enjoy the expression of connectedness, or at
least I am more sensitive to it, than most people, and so it is
art, and beautiful, to me.

So maybe I can enjoy learning anything, if I can just express the
connections between things within and between feilds in the most
effiecient way possible.

This is a new form of communication so I wonder if it could
become it’s own language somehow lol.

As I searched for the word “obfuscated” I came across the
international obfuscated c contest. It’s so cool. It actually
would make programming fun…For one thing it is actually comical
in a way that is smart so it’s like…a new and maybe improve form of
comedy. Second it’s so creative and it’s a creativity for the
purpose of entertainment, and possible even just fulfillment in
ones ability to create something so crazy.

It’s weird that so many programmers seem so passionate about just
creating things that are functional. I feel like obfuscated c is
way more fun and maybe even a better learning experience, beyond when
you want/need to know something. I’ve searched programming poetry
before and while the philosophy was cool sometimes, the actually idea
of doing it was not. It seemed like it would just take energy away from
me. It didn’t present a specific challenge where I would gain energy and be
inspired by, but instead it seemed draining as poetry without reason
often seems draining.

Obfuscated c on the other hand is like, purposely doing meaninglessly complex
stuff. It is actually like a skill that you can develope and it’s
actually comical and fun.

It’s almost like an attack on the standardization of programming,
and for me just the irrelevance of programming to my life.

I mean, the dullest thing I’ve learned so far is making data based
for websites. However, if I gave myself permission to create the
most messed up databases, maybe I could actually enjoy
the learning process at least.

Really what obfuscated c seems to do is it opens my mind to creative
possibilities without limiting it to things that are needed by the
real world or following real world standards of efficiency. Basically
it brings the imagination back into the equation where otherwise I
would always be depending on someone else’s idea of how things should
be done. Now the whole goal of programming is to do things the way
they “shouldn’t be done” which means I can use every possible peice
of information and weave it all into doing something the wrong way,
because the wrong way, becomes right.

Why is the wrong way fun? So I think it’s because it’s not limited to
someone else’s methodology for one, but for two it’s because it depends
on you ….

just wow…I mean I wish I had thought of that earlier, like, instead
of learning from books, I could just do things the wrong way on purpose,
trying to see how wrong I could do it.

So theses are two ways of learning. One is using art to communicate
ideas more efficiently and it will be beautiful. The other is to
use ideas in the least efficient way on purpose, and using
creativity to make them the most ineffiecent, and this will
be comical.

Actually, obfuscated c reminds me of how I play mtg. I try to pick really
weird cards or combinations and make them work. So when I do this,
the game becomes about my deck making ability as much as my play
ability. I don’t do it in a funny way nessesarily, but more like a way
to challenge myself. I guess it helps that mtg is social, but still I
wonder if I could do the same with obfuscated c. Instead of going for
comical, go for something different that expresses me. Like how I go
for making music that is more obscure sounding. I can express myself in
code by my choices of what tools to use for a specific job, instead of
going for the tools recommended. In this way I also would be making
mini challenges like, “do this part without using printf” etc.

I wonder though, because this seems more social than more art related

Well also I guess it’s just that, duh the right or best way of doing things
is often not that hard to figure out. It’s not as challenging, at least
for my style which looks for more possibilities, as trying to make
somethign more “interesting”.

So really it’s not about it being “detail oriented”, it’s about
it being to common knowledge…I like exploring what is possible,
and the way to do that in programming, at least until I reach some
master level where I just know how things should be done better than
anyone else, unless/until that happens it’s best to flex my creative
muscles through obfuscation and doing things in different ways
regardless of what is more efficietn, but just focusing on what could
actually be possible outside of how things are usually done.

So for things based on logic such as strategy games, programming etc,
artistic expression seems to come through individual choice in how to
do things. So it’s best to give ourselves permission to do things
in whatever new and creative ways we want in order to express ourselves.

In music and other fine arts this plays a role, but also individual
tastes like musical tastes, play a big role.

In things like physical labour, artistic expression seems to come
, at least for me, from a combination of pure physical intensity, and
creative efficiency of momevement.

Now, artistic expression in the actual learning process, that seems to
be more about just the way the information is laid out.

Actually the idea of obfuscation can be applied in many interesting
ways it’s so cool that I just found this through googling and that
google autocorrecting to the “ed” ending helped me get there.

I could make a store, that is made of CSRs who standing in formations
to create iles etc.

I could also make a store where everything is just drawn in the snow
but have security gaurds protecting it, being really serious.

JUst taking a goal, and finding very weird ways of accomplishing that
goal. That is one power I have that most people don’t and that people
will probbaly find very useful or at least entertaining.

If I want adventure, that is one really good way of getting it.
I feel like that is the kind of thing I would do in video games
but should also do in real life more. STYLE! Cool style!

Also, to obfuscate can mean, to make dark/(er). So in a way it is
gothic. It is venturing out into the unknown, the unbeaten path,
the mysterious, and expressing that, maybe in a way becoming that.

I have two things now to think about. Perposeful obfuscation,
and aesthetics diagraming. Both are interesting and seem fun.
One seems more fun in the moment though and more connected to
doing. Although, AH, I could use obfuscation in my creation of
diagrams maybe…but not in a way that adds irrelevant info, just
that that form of organiziation could be more obfuscated.

Meaning you might have to work harder to extract the meaning,
but it would be interestin to create, and could lead to
actually innovation in creatin diagrams. IUnno.

Brings me to think of entps as dancing with death but maybe more
accuratly, with darkness, as we search the darkness, the unknown, through
ourselves, for new possibilities, where as most people are content to
just use what is known and there already.


Thoughts after going for a Jog

So after deciding I needed to let go of the urge to meet people cause it was to desperate,

Then after realizing I’m an extrovert so of course I want to meet people what else would I do,

Then realizing that the problem must be something in my mind biologically that was making me feel so desperate and nervous,

Then deciding I would go for a jog and that once again I think I need to jog, more than most people, for whatever reason, and that if I’d rather jog than meditate I should just stick to jogging,

I decided I would record my thoughts during and after the jog to compare the differences so here are the major thoughts I had

Start of jog, up hill, chest burned from the smog and dry air I guess

Second lap I started coming up with all sorts of ideas from making a video of myself running with cameras on all sides as I lisynced, then thought about using that as a motivational thing for training clients where they get to record themselves working out, or me working out with them and recording them,

Then I started singing and doing air guitar to some cell dweller song and thought someone should record this

Then I ended off singing and went up to the hill to sit

Then I noticed a few good shots I could have captured if I had my camera

I put on some music and for a second I felt this vibe like, this is my scene, like I felt I had claimed ownership over that moment, which made me think, what about the rest of my life, I obviously don’t feel the same way if this is such a contrast.

Then I was fiddling with a stem of a dandylion and made it into a ring and put it on the ring finger of my right hand and thought about that for a second, cause I did it almost half thinking.

Also I felt like I had more control over how negative or positive I looked at life, like I could bring myself closer to feeling high, by focusing on the experience, the beauty of it, ect

On the way home I walked past someone and I felt the social side of myself, the side that understands people, that sees them for what they are, that side was more active at that time. I feel like that is the same side that allows me to be so social. It’s active and it allows me to connect with people deeply where as in other cases I’ll feel likeĀ  can’t connect and I can try to connect on a logical level but can’t even look people in the eyes because I feel like there is nothing for me to see almost, or nothing for me to feel, or maybe it’s that I have nothing to offer them in terms of social energy and so I just fear they may take my eye contact the wrong way. Something like that, when the social part of my brain isn’t active. It’s like I’m trying to become friends with someone, but I’m not a friend, I’m a stranger. Where as after jogging, I feel at some level that I’m good for people and I understand people. It’s basically the difference between pro-social and anit-social, at a biological level. I wonder if other personality types get this as quickly as I do cause it feel like it would be more of an NT trait as we are already so analytical.

So it’s interesting. I become pro-social, and at the same time, I become less desperate for social interaction. Maybe it’s because being pro-social extends to myself as well. Like it’s just an energy and if you have it you are good for you and everyone around you and you know it, and if you don’t have it, you’re…well, you’re at a disadvantage.

Then I came home and stretched/relaxed on my bed for maybe 30min with some music on and realized, the stretching, the relaxing, these are things I would usually think I would not find enjoyable due to the constant nagging urge to be around people or otherwise productive but in that moment all I wanted to do was relax and stretch. So I realized, maybe meditation could even be worked in, just after jogging, and maybe with music iunno.

So it seems so much of my experience of life depends on if I jog or not.

about an hour later…

However, it’s not like people are flocking to my door step because I worked out. I’m still here in my room by myself. I guess I’m still not quite as desperate. I would work on some programming but I’m tired. I’d go play magic but It’s to late to head there now. I guess it’s best that I go to bed early anyways. In the future though I just thought about maybe group classes, also of course meetups. I’d love to work on my comedy as well, so maybe I’d have something to bring to any social situation and make it light and fun, because after a jog, I am usually in a light and fun kind of pro-social mood which would be complemented by humor. Although maybe I don’t need to actually focus on making any. Actually maybe I just need to surround myself (virtually I guess) with more funny, and enjoy it in a pro-social way(which btw comedy is way more funny after a jog), and let it rub off on me. Then in interactions I’ll be natural with the spotting absurdity and my mind will be primed for funny from the comedy. Also watching comedy is priming for socializing in general because you get into the social groove when your seeing other socially intelligent people talking. Also comedy increase serotonin on it’s own.

Very technical for someone who just want’s to have fun, but I’m taking into account the down time, like now, where there isn’t anyone to meet up with.

On second thought, after watching some comedy, I feel like I will just watch comedy because I enjoy it.

Contributing to the social consiousness

*ramble intro* I feel like one thing I’ve always wanted in life was to be able to show people things about myself and just things about the world, that they would not have guessed, things that would awe them in a good way. Just sharing that sense of awe with people is pretty important to me. I guess that’s why I share the music I make on youtube, and the photos I take on tumblr, instead of just keeping it to myself. I want to express myself, and express the world, life, ect. *ramble intro*

See I was thinking lately again about what I should be doing with my time since it’s summer and maybe I could be doing more for myself then I am. So I thought about things I could work on. Firs programming, business, economics, bioinformatics, investing(still an option cause it takes minimal education to start).

Soon though I came back through the loop to the realization that ENTP’s invent things often to fit needs that they actually believe in. There were a few entp writers and that kind of inspired thoughts of doing so myself. Not even novels or fiction, just writing educational pieces on things that I find important.

Then just thinking about that, about setting up a blog to collate information about stuff someone somewhere MIGHT want to read, sucked.

Then I though about humor blogging which kind of felt right, then i questioned why. So what I’ve discovered is that the way I feel most able to contribute to society is through social means, and self-expressive means, because for my whole life that seems to be what has been driving me, not pursuit of technological savvy. So I feel like I’m more on the social end of things and so if I innovate in any way maybe it should be in that direction. This is a great thing because although many people talk as if technology will be the things that saves humanity, I feel that most of our problems come down to how we interact with on another, and how we interact with ourselves.

I mean, wars start over misunderstands of others, and squandering potential seems to come from misunderstanding of one’s self. I feel these are the main things holding us back from utopia. So that is my argument for why I, not everyone, but I, should focus on more social innovation as that is where I seem to have interest. For example, If I think about writing something funny for people to laugh at, I mean, I guess I have a second reason why I like being funny, but beyond that, I think getting people to laugh, means getting people to like me, which isĀ  great very powerful thing. I think it’s important for people to have someone out there that they like.

Anyways, so I’ve separated my creativity in to two areas. One is creativity that I do for me, but would love to share. Music would go here and story ideas as well. Mostly all the beautiful and romantic and personal stuff goes here. This categorie is the stuff I do for love, but not for money.

The second category is things I do to improve social harmony. Humor would fall here a long with more hard hitting punch line intensive rap lyrics. Just things that I enjoy doing but only because of how much other people like when I do them. Plus maybe criticisms about society, and social psychology studies, ect. Also what falls here are things I do for achievement, but only in a social context, and discluding games. SO if I mean a bunch of programmers and we work on something I will try to do my best for them, because it feels good to contribute to real people. Although I may not go this route although I will try to meet some programmers, this would fall in this category.

So with this understanding that there are things I am driven to do for me, and things I am driven to do for others and actually believe in, maybe I can say monetizing the things I would do for others, would be do-able.

Also I wonder about the idea of healthy, wealth, relationships, where the catch is you can only have two of them. I would choose health and relationships in this case. It seems like with relationships, the wealth takes care of it’s self?

I just feel like I’m somewhere near the top of society in terms of seeing where we are as humans. So if I choose to talk about it, with humor, and with rap, it should do well. It should be innovative, and valuable to the social consciousness.


Basically I will be like a challenge to all the gangsta rappers and their mentality. I mean, I’ll still have a swag and use gansta beats and clams casino beats, but I will be taking from a way higher level that will make them seems very small in comparison and hopefully be a positive influence on the impressionable. It would be fun, not sure if I’ll end up doing it.

“I leave ’em feinding like a virus on the internet”

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