Keep a beautiful journal in Chinese (Power of Aesthetics)

I stumbled on some motivational tips in a scientific america magazin
which initiated some pondering, which resulted in some ideas about what
I might enjoy doing in Chinese.

namingly, writing in a cool ass journal.
This journal has to be cool, and look cool, etc, as this will be part
of what motivates me to write in it.

Also the fact that I be able to show anyone who reads it, “this is the chinese
I know” etc, would mean everytime I write I get an instant sense of
being more chinese and that I am making visual accomplishments.

Also, the more I write in it, the more valuable it will become, especially
if I write observations about my day, or notes about myself.

I just hope I can learn enough through using it, instead of an Srs.
I mean, I hope I will memorize enough.

I plan is to make it like a TAG style Journal where I have a set of questions
that I answer every day for a week or so, then next week I will have another
set.

For each day I write, I’ll first write out the question, before answering
it so I at least get practise writing and comprehending the questions
I write out.

Also this structure means less burden on me to come up with things to
say on the spot when I write. It makes it more of a task based thing.

Although I can still write stuff afterwards for fun.

I also like this because it allows the artistin me to come out in a more
passive but stll rewarding way.

Just like when someone was asked how to turn toasting bread into a game
someone would want to play. The first thought was, make the toast “cute”.
Aesthetics seem to actually be that important.

I mean yeah you can see businesses where people stay on websites or
in stores or whatever based on beautiful or user freindly it is.
What I’m discussing here though is like, can you make doing homework,
more fun than going to a party, through proper use of aesthetics?
I hope to prove this to be the case.

Aesthetics seem to have the ability to add meaning to something.
Would samurias be as romantizised if their swords and armor didn’t look
beautiful. Probably not. Aesthetics might actually hold a huge amount
of power that we can use to our advantage by weighting our tasks
with aesthetic appeal so that the most important task, is made to be
the most beautiful,(and I guess most personalized (like adding your
own touches to the stuff you beautify)) so that they draw you in the
most.

I mean, Chinese drew me in because of it’s beauty.

That is also another thing. It would suck if liking chinese so much, I
didn’t allow myself to write in it and own my writing.

Also those writing prompts could even evolve into a game that
I could play with others. Like, everyone getting the same question
and having to answer in just a few words, but getting lot’s of comprehension
from the reading, etc.

Also, notebooks have way more context than srs cards, and after a few
reviews you will have the connections of a whole page for each page of study
instead of just one card.

Also, I will be able to draw on previous pages in future writings allowing
me to use more and better language the more I keep at it.

I went for a jog today, and after work as well, I was feeling pretty motivated.
I’m just waiting till tmr, though because I want to by nice notebook, probably
from coles/indigo

“following a formula get’s old fast”.
How about I decide each day what I’m going to write but I need to
write a minimum of 50 words plus reading a number of previous pages
chinese first just to see how much has stuck. Once it’s allo stuck I
leave it for a random review which I could even schedule as a day where
I pick  few pages at random to review.

Words I wrote with mindfulness (from art of war)

書籍簡介編輯
其军事巨著《战争艺术概论》共分七章四十七节,另有一个结论、一个补遗、两个续编及七幅附图。在”告读者”中,主要介绍作者本人为什么要出这本书及个性成书的过程。在”现代战争理论及其作用概论”中

ENTP-SI and order and aesthetics and rhythm

Si – Organization

I feel like Si, at least for me, is possibly the missing link then
in making who I am come together.

I remember reading the guy on personalityjunkie saying that an ENTP
would do best to focus on the first two functions as far as careers
go.

I guess I agree with that but I think an entp should focus on Si as
much as need just for the sake of personal development which in turn
will lead to getting the career that uses the Ne-Ti and is fun or whatever.

For a very easy and introductory point on the importance of Si, if you
don’t exercise it’s probably that you will feel like shit eventually, which
is Si telling you to exercise. Then you exercise and feel better and
your magnetic personality shines through and you get jobs etc.

More than this, you have so many ideas, but they are not organized in a way
that allows you to present them to anyone else or even look back at any
specific thought you had. In order to do this you need to ORGANIZE them
probably on paper or a blog/journal.

After doing this, and to the degree that you do this, you will be better
understood by the people around you and so more likely to get work.
All because you organized your OWN life to make yourself feel better.

You can think of exercise as physical organization. It sets your biological
clock so you get tired at the right time. It Stokes your metabolism and
reward chemicals. It is biological maintenance.

You can think of meditation as neurological maintenance. You focus on your
breath, or on counting, and your brain organizes itself and grows to become
structured in a more efficient way.

You can think of cleaning your room as spacial or personal facility
organization. You organize your stuff so you know where it is, so your
brain has this same structured image of your stuff. You do the same
for you journal. Your brain will have a spacially structured image
of your life. You can surroung yourself strategically with only posters
that compel you to think about certain aspects of life, as environment
will trigger thoughts and ideas which we thrive on.

Aesthetics

As well, I guess you could say order is a form, or maybe even the
highest form, of aesthetics.

Random notes

Si as rhythm, event based, time based, like history, based on duplication,
like the universe. Based on order.

Is there a rhythm in things like writing chinese characters for instance, that
can make the process of writing them more enjoyable?

ENTP-Ne Needs, and Rousseau

Rouseau states a lot of what I said, but not in a convincing
enough way. He says beyond the natural needs to eat, sleep, etc and
well he puts reproduction as well. Oh, this is in the state of nature.
He says beyond that we don’t have
other needs. Just that as society grows we start to see more trivial
things as needs. luxery, entertainment. (friendship he says?).

He says this is the basis for inequality because it means as we have
more, we require more, and so we continue needing to compete with
each other.

He goes on to say that as people organize their lives around artificial needs
they become inauthentic even with themselves.

He says origin of civil society wa when a man enclosed a plot of land
and convinced people that it belonged to him.

So then, as I said, freedom is not about what you can gain for yourself.
It is about who you can become.

It is important to know what is authenticity especially if you want to
be in a relationship. At least for me, I do much better with people
when I am in a place where I know and like who I am.
It seems society has dictated a lot of my needs, including and maybe
especially sexual needs. The “need” to masturbate.
The “need” to have as much sex as possible.

Maybe for some people these are needs in that they don’t yet know how
to be happy without them. However, if I d, then it would make them
not needs.

Until I can let go of these “needs” I feel like I will never have
the true authenticity and I guess self respect that comes with that
for me to be truly confident. Without true confidence, I guess I will
always suffer from sex drive issues, social anxiety etc, and feelings
of inadequacy which would lead to not doing well with women.

I feel like if I could be authentic, doing what I really want to be
doing, I would feel whole. It would have to be authentic independant
of praise from others. Just based on what I think I “should” be doing
where “should” is based on what I think is morally the right or best thing
for me to do, not what seems most fun. Fun should follow.

Learn perfect self control, let go of Ne

Green tea
exams tmr
code geass last night

Ok, so today I was with Ivan studying and a girl flirted with me and I
mistook it for condesention and kinda regretted it after

At work I see the INTJ with the really nice body and I guess face too
and I just feel like I have nothing to offer and at this point with watching
porn for the last few days I feel at the point of not caring.

I was washing dishes and thinking, it’s almost like I’m ready to give up.

I can’t even feel the attraction (cold be cause of the porn and my state in
life though) and it feels so shitty, like I’m missing out on that part of
my life and am destroying my mind because why not if I can’t get anywhere
otherwise.

Then I thought, no I need to not destroy my mind. I need to do the exact
opposite. I need to become better, healthier. I need to figure everything
out. I need to correct my sex drive and outlook, at the biological level
if nessesary.

I don’t remembe how I got to the next point but I thought about going back
to having the awesome focus I had back in Seneca(at least in the first year lol
and maybe the last).

I don’t know if I was thinking about it for the sake of the money,
or if it came out of seeing how I devolved into watching porn again.

Oh, I remember thinking I need to sleep more and be healthy in every
way possible and make it a routine I can’t break Then I thought,
the thing keeping me from sleeping is just my search for novelty.

So I thoug, wow, so this search for novelty, this Ne that everyone
in the MBTI land is praising as something I should just let run free,
actually ruins my sleep? So then, maybe it isn’t so important that
I keep it unhinged at all times. Maybe I need to control it.

Sure this guy on youtube is telling me to watch humor for Ne before bed
and maybe that would HELP, but the fact is I would be watching humor
instead of what I REALLY want to do which is surf the internet endlessly or
watch all of code geass and then porn lol.

What I did in college and before was I decided that my natural inclination
towards constantly seeking novely was actually in excess and was
like a drug like behaviour and that it needed to be controlled
(not eliminated, just tempered).

I did this by creating times of the day where I could play very vanilla
games and watch tv shows, and maybe daydream about other things, and
other times when could not. I would not deviate from those times.

I also didn’t allow myself to focus to deeply on other life paths like
becoming a musician etc. Other things that could end up taking up
my focus. I decided if I did those things it woudl have to be after
I finish school and get a job(heh, I only ended up wiht a part time
job unrelated to my feild so in a way I never stuck to the plan.

Anyway, it worked out extremely well both in college and before
when I was studying for a personal trainer exam.

I realize that in that part of my life, I wasn’t bored out of my mind.
I wasn’t suffering. I found it hard to really get passionate about
the work(partly because I decided passion would only be distraction and
partly becaue I just had other dreams). Still though, I enjoyed myself
the majority of the time.

See the way the brain works, (anyones brain I guess) is that if you do
and accept doing boring shit for long enough, you will find the fun in the
boring shit. It’s basically mindfulness. You gain more dopamine receptors
and are able to feel the enjoyment in what was boring.

If you shut yourself in your room for a whole day you would find yourself
fiddling with whatever was around you. This is because you are
becoming aware of the fun that could be had in just fiddling.

So really, by trying to seek out more and more novelty, of which there is
an endless supply, all we do is make it harder to enjoy ourselves.

Succuming to this feeling of wanting novelty, is paralell to succuming
to the feeling of not wanting to exercise (if you feel that). The more
you succumb to it, the weaker and more needy you will become. The harder
it will be for you to do simple tasks. The less FREE you will be.

Get it? See I am not simply in school and looking for work so that I can
meet women. I also want freedom. What is freedom though? Do you think
freedom is being able to have sex with whoever you want?
I disagree because that could infring on their freedom to have or not
have sex with you.

Do you think freedom is the ability to go or see or experience novel stimuli
whenever you want? I feel most people would say this is freedom, but I
disagree. See you could have that freedom, but if you always have the
need to experience those things and that need for the novelty constantly
overcomes you then you are not free.

Freedom comes from self mastery. Being able to be whoever you want to be
whenever you want to be it. To be able to be happy when you want to be
happy for instance, or at least to be able to work toward that feeling.

So what is with Ne and being a blessing and a curse?
Well I guess it works until it doesn’t. It works until there is too much
in the world for us to get into. Until there is drugs, and porn, and an
endless sea of information. Once we’ve reached this point, we should also
have reached a point where we can control our impulses because our impulses
are based on survival, on scarcity, which is not what we have now.

What we have now is the chance to evolve. It could be that evolving the brain
evolves the genes and the body. We will find out when we get there.

See if something is keeping me from sleeping. That is, keeping me from
being healthy. Then IT must have limits on it’s ability to aid my well
being.

I’ll just note, after a lot of boring stuff, to be able to sit down and watch
an anime feels so good. Which to me means the dopamine.

Also, as soon as I get in this mindset of taking control of myself, I no longer
feel weak and at the mercy of my emotions. As soon as I let go of Ne and
decide I need to just be ok with boring, I feel so much more confident. More
confident, stronger. I feel powerful. Like I can do anything.

Self Mastery, Mind even more than body, is what becomeing supernatural,
having super powers, is all about for me. It even feels like it.

So what do I want to do.

I thought of just going for programming again but I realized what is the
point. For one, it would suck if worst case senario 2 years down the
road I still can’t get work.
It would even suck if I did get work because I would be limiting myself
as to what else I could do to possible get paid to do something more
meaningful to me. Meaning is indipendant of novelty which is another reason
why fun has no place in job decisions. The job could be boring and not
fun in some areas but still be the most meaningful thing you could be
doing in the long run.

So I decided I would continue with school and lean more towards political
science snd philosophy because I feel that is an area where I can actually
make a huge difference.

I mean making a difference is good for two reasons.
1 is that most likely I can make more money that way.
2 is that I will make a difference either way which beats going into
programming and not making money or a differce, or making money but
never feeling fulfilled.

So I choose to go into the poliscie stuff but with focus, not seeking
novelty, and a “fun time”.

See, the more you seek out a fun time(novel stuff), the more fun time
eludes you because you just grow weaker. The more you just do what you
think will make a difference in the world, the more the fun will come
with it.

So my plan is to stick to that. Also on the side I want to study chinese
by reading and writing out phrases, only those I see in the software
etc that I use often so that I will always be using it. For speaking
and listening I might have to do a serious srs thing again and I can
do it.

So I will put a lot of my focus into perfect body habits.
Then into school.
Then into language.
Then if I had to pick oneother thing it might be writing or music I don’t know.

I feel like in letting go of Ne, of trying to get it all for my Ne, I will
actually become more open and enjoy life more. Only when I’m not trying
to though, so it will be tricky. Either way I should always feel more
powerful and in a higher state of mind knowing that I have a path. The path
I feel is most meaningful. That with my superpowers I can do anything and
with them, this is what I have chosen to do.

Can’t really beat that.

I also remember meditating with resident eveil soundtrack music playing as
well as other cool memories like that. With all the rigidity I had going
on, I feel like I lived more, experienced more, tnan if I were in a
constant state of trying to find something more fun to do.

Might as well start on whatever seems most meaningful(not fun). If
somethign comes along that is truly more meaningful to me etc, then
sure I can switch but otherwise I will achieve things that need to
be achieved.

Aesthetics and Evolution

Well I spent most of today again thinking about what I might want
to do. Like, what I might want to strive towards in life, beyond
the basic ideas like helping others, improving, etc.

I did some research on the development of Fe which led me to
people saying it was about thinking more about others and wanting
to help them more, or something?

I thought maybe this could mean like, career goals would change
depending on hwo developed Fe was, which mine is developed strongly.

Btw, I might have been a tech nerd had it not been for parents gettng
a computer late (lack of funds lol) and schools not understanding me,
plus the way math is taught, yuck lol.

Although as I think about it, I was always more drawn to arts.

I also thought more about me, an my own evolution, and
how best to go about getting there.

I watched some teal swan stuff and in comments I checked out some of
the users and they often had liked some of the same vids as me.
One was a song by freddy and graffix called major happy. As I listened
to it I remembered how much I like landscapes.

I remembered ATB – The feilds of love, which has a music video with
even more of that beautiful landscape, and a few years ago I had a
fantasy about building an aircraft and flying away towards such
things.

I realized beauty is still a huge passion of mine.
I remembered my first girlfriend and how that relationship was
based on our shared passion for all sorts of beauty. We were in
high school and some of wat we were studying back then was interesting,
but if I recall correctly, beauty was our focus then, and I was
very happy.

So part of me wonders what art and beauty do to the mind, which is
I guess where my scientific side will stay active. Wondering about these
things, and what we can do to improve ourlives and evolve.

I think about the fact that eventually we wont have to work as much. I
mean, as people are replaced by computers etc. Iunno, maybe it wont
happen that way, or at least it wont be for a long time.

However, what it made me think about was the celestine prophecy(which my
first gf gave me lol) where beauty which turned into love, was the thing
that was thought to be paramount in a post scarcity post worker society.

So it makes me think…that is when art forms and beauty would become
more important.

As well, I feel like, if people started, not forcing, but advertising
their art more, they would be advertising the idea of art, as well
as sharing the beauty, with everyone.

Well, this all has me thinking, that maybe meaningful work could come
out of just cherishing beauty more, in more productive ways, than I have
been. I mean because lately I have been torn between what would bring me
closer to money and therefore sex, and the fact that my happiness is
important and may not come from those things, and that my happiness is
what might get me those things.

If I were to just focus 100% on even just surrounding myself with beauty
what would happen? I mean take control of my environment in this way,
systematically, based on, and as I continue, becoming more intouch with my
emotions.

If possible, I would love to be able to create a shift in societies
appreciation in true beauty, as opposed to what I’ve been seeing in
most of the media today which is just watered down.

Davinci was most well know as a Painter.

So I want to do a thought experiment right now. If starting now I were to
surround myself with beauty, what would I do, and what would the result be.

I would do music, maybe get a few new room posters, sing more and walk
around outside more, I could commit to drawing
based on one art peice every day. I could commit to reading a certain amount
of poetry, every day, trying to discover or uncover poets I resonate with.

I just thought of one major thing that could happen which is memory
improvements. I feel like beautiful things , music, art(at least drawing
something) rhymer, etc, are easier to remember. If you think about it,
the more you can (and want to) remember, the more you will have to draw
from when thinking. So really, the more beauty you take in, especially that
which has some intellectual/conceptual competent, the smarter you should get.

So an interesting area to look into would be the bridge between cognitive science
and aesthetics. What are the algorithms of aesthetics and what are the
corresponding states in the mind? For example. I’m guess it will have
to do with being more interconnected conceptually and in the brain.

This is interested as life and reality are also based on everything being
connected.

So iunno what is more important to me at this point. Beauty, or understanding.

I guess I should do both as I’ve said. If I can’t produce one day I can
at least surround myself with it in as many ways as possible, and exercise
for more beauty and better perception of beauty.

How to focus on the journey & Can you make it enjoyable?

Heres another idea,

I just thought of, when I realized, even though I
can learn Hanzi way faster, I still feel like rushing,
just getting it over with, and that that attitude is like
almost garanteed fail.

Even with something like exercise. If I were to say,
“ah, I just need to be 180lb and I’ll be set for life”
I would burn out, because then I’ve set like a goal,
an end point that I need to reach, as opposed to just
working out.

“just working out” for me, is more like, seeing every workout
as a goal in itself, where as “trying to reach 180” means
every workout inbetween counts as almost nilch/ziltch/whatever lol.

When I forget about the long term and just crank the music,
and get the pump for that day, and be strong and awesome
in the moment’s I am working out, and focus on those
things, it becomes enjoyable.

So I think it’s important, maybe especially to really focus on
feeling awesome in the moment for my performance.

Now kind of related might be that I enjoy making music more
when I’m just out for a walk and doing it to entertain myself.
In this case maybe I’m more focused on an artistic awesomeness
Still though, I mean it maybe partly about the enjoyment.

So iunno, I wouldn’t call it mindfulness exactly, but it is
about being present, making the most of the situation, basically
turning it into an expression of me(well that’s how I’ve been making
the most of things with working out etc.

I turn it into an expression of awesomeness. I play music, I make it
dramatic, almost role play. It’s also creative, even though in a
more subtle way. I pose in the mirror, I lift to the music, make
facial expressions, focus on technique(which is probably diff for everyone).
All these things enhance my experience at the gym and at this point they
come naturally I guess.

With singing etc, same kinda deal, imagining I’m on stage,
expressing myself. Being creative with how I sing, with technique,
facial expression, timber, pronounciation, etc.

My hypothesis as I sit here and reflect on all this, is that all those
little things I do, give me little boosts of dopamine.
The time between chosing to be creative in some small way, and
acting on that impulse and thus being rewarded, is so small that
the dopamine is almost instantaneous.

Let’s compare that to if I were just focusing on reaching some
far off goal. Every day that I measure myself and see that I
have not reached that goal, could be seen as a small failure in
which case dopamine would decrease instead of increasing.

That is no fun.

So what I need to do when I pick up a goal, is to not be
focused on the long term at all. I mean, I can set the goal
so I can work effectivly towards it, allocating the right amount
of time each day. Beyond that though, I need to let go of it,
and focus on enjoying every moment of the process.

How do I do that.
It seems for me it will come down to creative expression through
whatever work I am doing. It needs to be creative for the sake
of enjoyment though. Like, I have decided to do this thing, now
I want to turn it into something I love.

So part of that is I need to have decided, otherwise if something
better comes along and distracts me it wont matter if I was
enjoying myself. So I need to first decide that this thing is
important enough to me, which for Chinese it is.

Then, how do I make it fun?
For learning the hanzi, I need to write them out, so the best
I can do there, is write them in a beautiful way. The strokes,
the positioning, sentences, altering lines to make it even more
cool looking. There is a lot to play with there.
Then after creating these things, and I need to make it as
perfect as I can along with it being creative, so that I wont feel
like it’s creative but sloppy. I want it to be displayable. Then I
want to actually have them on the wall of my room, so I get constant
feedback about the beautiful work I’ve created. Constant reward
to add to my motivation.

For talking, for one I can watch funny things. For another though,
I mean, when I’m bored (yes this again), when I’m bored and I just have
chinese flowing through my head, sometimes I’ll just repeat what I can
remember, and really pronounce it as beautifully, or creatively, as I
can. It feels good to do this. Well, even to be more precise, it could
be that I like repeating things that just sound good to me for whatever
reason, iunno. I could start there, at least on rough days lol, but
in general I feel like as long as I can be creative enough I can turn things
beautiful for my entertainment.

So I’ll try to get into these things and just make them into habits.

even with doing the dishes at work, I’ve created techniques and I do
them in ways that make them beautiful. Like, iunno, like a robot, or something.
Just really, I guess efficient and maybe graceful.

This is opening up a whole new way of seeing achievement.

Also another important thing to realize is that, well at least for me,
as I get older and a lot of my childhood memories are fading or so it
seems, I want to creat new memories. I see the importance of experiencing life
in a way that is memorable, instead of always seeking something else.

So it’s good that through this way of seeking goals by just enjoying them,
I can kind of do that because I’ll be more focused on making the things
enjoyable and so I’ll be more focused on the experiences. Way more than if
I could somehow get a high paying job that was meh.

So an even higher level of thinking that I’ve afforded myself here is that
I can see that this is my expereince of life that I am taking control
of by actively seeking to experience my activity, instead of just finding the
fastest way to the goal. The goals are really not that important. Final
Fantasy, is not about the goal, it is about the journey, and making it as
exciting as possible, so that you hope it never ends.

Hanzi Mega-Pictorials

This idea is inspired by the hanzi Biang which isapparently the most complex hanzi, or at least the one with the most strokes.

I realized hat allthough it s a big character, its’s components are all pretty simple and common, which make it a sinch to learn.

How, here is the thing. It’s probabbly as easy to learn and/or forget, as any other hanzi, even a relally small one, at least initially. It’s almost like it’s uniqueness and interconnectedness makes it easier to learn or something, iunno.

So my idea, is to create a bunch of mega hanzi which represent some larger idea. If I learn one hanzi composed on may 10 smaller hanzi that I have seen but haven’t memorized, I would only have to draw this one hanzi to learn all of the hanzi within it, as long as I could put them together in a way that should how they connect to each other. This would be better than trying to learn them in isolation, or even in sentences. I would be creating diagrams of the hanzi meanings and commiting those to memory.

Also, doing it thisway would allow me to be creative and expressive as I would be able to choose which hanzi to put in each diagram and it could be based on things other than just similarity or something. Although I could do it this way. One main radical in the middle and the radicals that add meaning spread around it based on some other ideas related to their meanings.

So creating a mega picture thing in this way is awesome on many levels:

1. It means you aren’t writing each hanzi, you right the radical in the center and then only the components around it so you don’t have to remember as much information. You create the diagram and then later you decode it if you need the info.

2. The context from having so many radicals and the positions you can play with allows you to add meaning to them and this makes it easier to remember the meanings just from seeing the diagram, which is easy enough to remember and reproduce because …

3. You have less diagrams to remember than if you tried to remember Hanzi at random. The Hesig method helps I guess in that you learn them more in order, but the method really increases how much information you need to process by requiring the creation of stories for each character. With this method you turn 8-10 characters (or maybe more), into one mega picture and the context of the radicals within means you have less trouble recalling. All in all, you have far less information to store, that information is associative, and by learning only one or two diagrams per day, each diagram will remain more familiar to you.

Instead of learning 3000 Hanzi, if you create diagrams with ten characters each, you only need to learn 300 diagrams.

Ne-Ti Career Idea – Philosophy

I have been doing philosophy on this blog from the start I believe.

My idea right now is that, well, for some reason making a living as an artist is said to be hard to do. First I want to think about what possible reasons there could be for this. One is that most artists are just not that good for some reason and that if they were all so able to move people emotionally they would all be able to make money. Another is that people create so much art without being paid for it that it’s almost like art is some sort of by product of certain people and doesn’t need to be supported.

At the same time though, certain types of…well, entertainment, are making money like videogame streaming and possible other types of streaming.

It could be that some of the types of art people are doing are just no entertaining anymore and people just need to find more entertaining styles of art.

Btw if it is that artists are just not good enough then two ideas: one is that people might need to experience and enjoy more of other artists art and be cool with learning from each other more. The other is that maybe artists need to study psychology more to get better at making people feel different emotions.

after this post I’m gonna look up what types of art and entertainment are making money, just because, but I have another idea that could work for me.

The other idea is that all of this work I’ve been doing has been very productive and that if I figure out a solution to this problem of mine I’ll probably help a lot of people. If this is the case then I just need to stick it out and I need to just learn even more and think even more about our world and reality and different perspectives and sciences. This is an emotional path in a way because I am putting everything into finding a way of life that will allow me to be happy.

It is emotional but drawing on and developing my problem solving skills and so this is another thing about emotion that might be underestimated. As well it might be that this level of thinking, in the pursuit of happiness, is actually what I want to be doing with my life. If that is the case then I have learned that it could help to read other peoples though (which I already do a lot of) to help me attain this happiness, by adding more view points and thinking techniques to have I can draw from. As well it’s important for me to have high standards about what I want. As high as possible and never settling, but also be able to see what I have and enjoy that in the meantime.

hmmm, now I’m looking up info on other entertainment. It seems like the business model is a huge part of where the success can come from, as well the new business models that become available with the new technology. For instance, the only reason people pay video game streamers is because that business model exists. There are other business models as well, a lot of them based on donation, that work. I kind of feel like the evolution of business model could stem from and cause the evolution of society and human morality.

I guess business models might be psychological in nature, meaning the way you present your service, how you explain what they are paying for (piece based, time based, etc), may enlighten people, morally, to a different extent, based on the dimensions of your business model. If this is the case that I am in the right field.

Exploring Art forms

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This hit home for me as well! I have been thinking lately that I might need to do things more focused on emotions and ideas, especially art. As you said it feels like some art forms, although efficient in terms of expression, can be draining. For me, writing is awesome WHEN an idea strikes me. However, if I have to sit down and write something just because it’s gonna be hard. I want to explore drawing because on the other hand with that I can just start with a reference and work from there. They can both tell a story, they just use different methods. Another pair I noticed is between song writing and just singing. With singing I definitely feel full after every time I do it, where as with producing songs, the song will be good but I usually only work on it for a short while because I lose steam. Well I’m into MBTI and socionics and there are concepts like Ti and Te which could explain part of this like needing a reference or a muse vs getting energy from seeing a blank page. I liked this post.

So I’ll continue from this and say that art might also be good in that it is another way of communicating an idea, but it’s doing it in a way that is iunno, I guess a more efficient way depending on what you are communicating. It just doesn’t take much effort to see what drawing is about, it’s an image. For an ENTP it can be both beautiful and a way of expressing my ideas. This could be good.

Well I guess I can also write(or draw?) to music.

I also have a theory that emotions(especially those felt through art) evolve WITH the evolution of understanding of the universe and reality and beyond, at least for some if not all. The more outlandish our emotions <- -> more outlandish drawings <–>more outlandish thoughts on what is possible.

Another way of looking at this is to say that each art form may have an inspired side and a therapeutic side.

The inspired side is the stuff that just comes to you without thinking about it initially and that drives you to create.
The theraputic side would be stuff were you are using the skill or talent of the art form but for more therapeutic reasons like just singing along with a song because it feels good.

Or it could be, because from singing other songs I eventually add to it, that I just need a reference, something to start with and then from there I take it further and in different directions.

Another note, like singing, I feel that drawing is encouraged by Fe, the idea that I could one day show off what I’ve drawn. However, Fe would be even more important for drawing than for singing because singing has a physical component which is psychologically beneficial in its own right.

Writing it seems is almost like, it doesn’t reach the external world. I often am thinking up scenarios for different events in a story-like format. As well I tend to view my life as a story. However it seems there is a difference between singing and drawing which are both automatically sharable and appreciable and relatable, and a story which might be more personal and self-indulgent. Not to say I want write my stories, just that they feel like the kind of thing to share mostly with people close to me. Or maybe they require use of other art forms to give them life.

Another thing is that it feels like Ne takes in ideas which then charge Ti(or Fi in the case of an ENFP). Then once  the auxillary function is charged to a critical max in a form of art, it is called inspiration and it will be the production of more of the same and eventually and evolution of those ideas.

For instance you hear enough GOOD music, eventually you will have ideas of your own. Look at enough good art and eventually you will have ideas of your own. I don’t know if it is about having a reference or that and seeing ways to improve on the ideas you took in(this could be it).

Another things I realized is that, well for most of my life I’ve been searching for a way to live the type of life of adventure that I have seen in video games. I just realized now that the experience I saw, of the video game stories, is something that can only happen in video games. I mean, I guess I still have hope that there is more out there. However, it’s just, these games were created by peoples imagination. What I loved about the games was the idea, even if it was so intense that it inspires me to want it for my life, it makes sense to appreciate that these feelings are the result of someone who created this thought experiment.

So I feel like, I might enjoy it if I could also create some of these myself.

I keep coming back to games because they are taking a lot of art forms and putting them together plus it’s like another reality you get to explore based on the logic you program.
Now taking what I learned about how Ne-Ti works, it makes sense that my inspiration will come from seeing GOOD games. A lot of GOOD games, and also they need to be at my level, easy to make. After this I should become motivated by the ideas that provoke my Ti and then if I have easy access to the source code I can start making changes and expose myself to those changes. Then, just like with how my music production flow works, I need to expose myself to my creation to inspire myself to add new things to it. Each time I expose myself to something interesting I am seeing it from a new perspective and so I get new insights on what would make it even more fun.

See for the longest time my thing was, figure out how to make enough money so that I can travel and live as if in a video game. Now I’m wondering if what would really make me happy is to take video game ideas further, intrigue myself, create another world to explore. Things like generating randomization could make things very interesting as well, but even beyond that, I feel like just the experience of certain things gives an experience. Sure you could say why don’t you just use your imagination, but then the whole point of ART is that there is a difference at least in intensity between the real and the imagined experience and so we seek to make real, our visions.

I may enjoy and/or need to just generally combine or balance the emotional and logical sides of my Ne. Feeding both of them constantly. For instance the most I’ve enjoyed programming was when I did it with music on. Although I guess in a way that music is partly feeding Si through the dopamine and serotonin pathways.

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