Motivational Instincs: Social-Sexual , and the trouble with careers

I just realized something that might be extremely helpful.
I’ll describe the thoughts leading up to it.

So beyond varying my study material so that I can stay engaged, the things I am focusing on, have to have meaning to me.
I love school, but I don’t love studying for tests if I’m not going to retain or find value in the information afterwards. I love discussions in class and connecting with classmates, and I love learning ideas that I DO find useful.

When learning on my own i also tend to gravitate towards topics that will have a use in my life such as learning a new language, fitness, music, etc. So I wonder, what is one topic that will have use in my life that will also be useful to others. Well I realized that just being able to connect with other people which is something I’ve spent my whole life trying to figure out how to do, is very important. As well it seems the disease of civilization is that some people are losing the ability to connect, or just they are losing connections some how and it is a huge source of depression and anxiety.

Some people just find it easy to connect on whatever level they do and they stick to the groups they are born into (race, culture, socio-economic classes etc). Maybe that works for them but to me I only see missed opportunities to connect with people outside of that and therefore grow. I life my life outside of that so I have no choice. I feel that within the same cultures, the same families etc, there still isn’t enough connections being made. I mean, Japan has an extremely high suicide rate for a country that is supposed to be so homogenous.

Anyways, I don’t want to do something if I can’t see it making a big enough difference that either I make a living, or I don’t need to because I change the world to that extent. So I continued my thought experiment by thinking about what I could do with the understandings of different people and how they relate and how to connect with them. I don’t think being a guidance councilor is my destiny for instance.

I thought back to a few posts ago where I realized again that I can get interested in lot’s of different things, including math, if I am at least discussing these topics with someone else who is interested in them. At the time I thought it was that I needed to like them but today I read about the “social-sexual instinct” which is described as  almost exactly what I needed to hear lol:

To provide mental and emotional stimulation for others.

If it was exact maybe it would say something about connection as well. However it helps me see that it’s not as much about people who are “cool” as people who are passionate. I stumbled on this because I was looking for a dating website that would go based on type, because I do abysmally otherwise do to the huge factor that race seems to play online and my interest in other races than my own. Another example of the challenges I’ve faced when it comes to connection. Anyways I stumbled on projectevolve and then today I sat down to my laptop with the idea of connection and then read about social-sexual instincts and it clicked. I feel like it’s hard to see where this type fits into society because most people don’t say they are looking for this. Most people say they are looking for someone who can produce a product or a service, not someone who can make deep friendships based on passion. However, apparently this is a thing, so I want to see where it goes.

If I hadn’t read about this instinct I guess I would have tried out the position of connecting with people and seeing where it goes. It seems too important to my own well-being not to. However, iunno at what capacity I would have done so. In fact I still don’t. I just want to read more right now and figure out where this type would fit it.


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