Stoicism, Perspective, Sex, success, “giving up”

So yesterday I was feeling tired and so I decided I would just stop trying to think or keep myself awake etc. I was sitting on the bus and so I guess I got some micro-sleeps because I felt better soon after and was actually horny and for the rest of the evening a lot of women looked really attractive to me. However, then I started researching stuff about increasing or maintaining this feeling using herbs etc, and then I was up until past 12.

I originally decided to take a nap out of a sense of being overwhelmed slightly, and realizing I was doing it to myself. Why was I doing it to myself though? Well, because of other people and other perspectives out of which grew
a kind of damaging idea. The idea is that if you want to be happy you need to push yourself beyond what is healthy to earn it. That you are not good enough that you should be happy and that the only way to get there is to become something more.
“More” which is really a target moving further and further in to the distance forever.

Then there is the other way. Instead of striving for happiness, just strive for relief from unhappiness, in the healthiest and most
effective ways you can. Heh, then as I got up to start walking I starting thinking hmm maybe it’s about denying yourself things, like, not indulging. Based on how much peanuts suck for my mood. Then as I starting walking I though, wait, i don’t want to have to deny myself happiness. Then walking more I thought what is it I keep doing that keeps me in this cycle of happiness and then unhappiness. Also I thought about perspectives.

Then I thought, I’m really tied right now and no sex drive and it feels shitty, but what if I had just had a huge orgy last night and THEN woke up feeling this way? Maybe it would feel like a success so I would feel satisfied. So maybe I just need to change my perspective from one of constantly seeking sucess to one of seeing myself as already and always successful. In the short term people might not understand this way of seeing things, but I guess as long as it ended up as me being inspired and
doing more, then maybe it would work out. Sitting down again I feel like, would I feel that ONE orgy was success if it could never happen again? hmmm

So I think this is very important, especially in times when you already are kind of happy but thinking about being more happy. Here it seems I have the choice. I can either just chill and be happy with what I have and who I am, or I can stay up later than I should trying to get somewhere better. Iunno, because it’s hard once you are in a shitty mood to just have the perspective of being awesome. Or at least, even if you can feel like a success, it wont stop you from being in a bad mood. I guess it could at least stop you from letting your mood get any worse. So it could be that the best time to make the change in perspective, is while in a shitty mood lol.

So I guess a very stoic way of looking at the world then, which would be independent of social judgements so free of interference by other peoples perspectives, would just be that achievements don’t matter. Money doesn’t matter, travel doesn’t matter, sex doesn’t matter, health maybe doesn’t even matter. All that matters if even that, is consiousness. It matters as much
as it IS. You can’t have perspective without being conscious therefore consciousness “matters”. now that is a sleek design.

All these other things, even happiness, are all kind of transient as experiences in that you could expereince being happy one moment and then not happy the next. Consiousness isn’t quite like that. For the most part you are conscious or you are not. Well I guess there are levels of “clear hotheadedness” or fuzziness so I guess even there it’s hard to say.

Also if teal swan is right that you can’t stop wanting something you want, namely happiness, then the perspective of not care, wouldn’t be in conflict with this, it would just make it easier to get it.

Christianity and other religious views of an afterlife are also different perspectives that probably had an impact on me when I was younger. The idea of having unlimited lifespan is appealing.

Also, well, there is a difference between changing perspective of success and changing perspectives on relationships and general health. I am all for letting go of the idea of “success” I think success is realizing success is a fad and then having only the goals you just want to do and that would be painful to not do.

Health I hear from teal is perspective based as well, like you could be wounded but just change the perspective so that you don’t care. I guess maybe this has a place, if it adds to happiness.

The relationships, I think this is tricky. I don’t want to become sociopath. For now I think my biggest issue is just success so I think if I could let go of that idea I would be happier and sleep better etc. Basically realize if you die without achieving all your goals it isn’t really…iunno. It feels weird to say this, almost like it’s welcoming death lol. Well I can say at least for goals involving expressing myself, it’s kind of like how a child will want attention, the more growing should lead to less caring about it until you don’t care if anyone praises you for anything.

It’s almost like that Fe(people focused part of me) was trying to please other people, I guess through Si(body focused part, but if I let go of that perspective, iunno, maybe it will free me to actually just love people. It seems that this is what happens. It seems like today a lot of what people hate each other and fight over are just permutations of need of love from each other. Based on a perspective that it actually matters that people love you.


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