About Increasing Mood as a Science, as a purpose

I was on the subway home this evening and I was in a really good mood. It was probably a combination of cutting out wheat, and working out hard, and lot’s bananas.

Anyways I was feeling this energy. This kind of like potential, or inspiration. It was like a wave that swept over me. I had music on and it was like it went with the music. It was like, “You are awesome, or you cab be awesome” or maybe it is more accurate to say the energy was simple, “about awesome”.

It made me think about doing things. Awesome things. Things other people would think are awesome.

However, this is not what I am interested in anymore. I realize that by depending on how others view me, I leave myself weak and vulnerable to their desires over my own.

So now I focus on making myself happy. It seems weird to think about. It’s hard to impress yourself. To entertain yourself. It’s definitly not the same as having other people love you and be impressed by you.
What it is though, is just working to put yourself in the best mood you can, and then enjoying it or working with it to make it even better.

I realized that what I was feeling on the subway didn’t have to be put towards something. It already was something. That sense of awesomeness, wasn’t something I needed to achieve in that other people would recognize it. In instead, it was something I already had and was experiencing, just by being in optimal or near optimal health. Iunno, it does lead to an inspiration to do something and I guess doing things to help others is good. Just that it needs to be based on my desire to help them, not on my desire to be loved.

You can get happiness through other people’s love, but you don’t have to. You can also get a more dependable happiness, by increasing your health to the point that the endorphines and feel good hormons flow all the time and you just feel awesome.

In light of the realization of how happy I can feel when no worrying about how others feel about me, and how that often makes them like me more, I have stopped focusing on women as much. In doing this I have realized that I wasn’t having trouble projecting the sexual state because I was unhealthy(at least that’s not the only reason). The other reason is that it’s just not authentic. When I’m in a good mood, I have a lot of thoughts and I don’t just stand there being sexual. I have too many other dimentions to exist in.

I can make eey contact, but it wont be just sexual and calm, it will be excited and erratic and wondering, ect, and maybe sometimes sexual. Only if I feel like it though. Only if after all the things I enjoy in life, the sexuality of the moment somehow overpowers me. I don’t need to be overflowing with sexuality and women, to be a man. I don’t even need to be a man lol. I just need to let my awesomeness show.

I felt at somepoints today like I was totally outside of the suffering most people face these days. I felt above it. Like I was looking down. No I didn’t have women swarming me. Instead, it seemed like what those women would be after, was beneath me as well. At least in the moment. Like I didn’t want what most of them wanted, and I felt my perspective, was more right. It is, for me, and it is important therefore that I feel that it is. Unlike before were it seemed my wants could be disqualified as not masculine.

The idea of being satisfying for women sexually is actually a huge source of suffering and confusion for a lot of men, and some women. It’s the idea that a woman’s sexual appreciation is a measure of ones worth and that the more sexually attractive the woman, the more important her appreciation becomes.

In this state though, I find I can chose to just go beyond all that. I mean, it is obviously only valid in the same way peoples appreciation is valid in general. It is valid if you are not happy otherwise. We might just be hardwired to see women’s sexual appreciation as a form of love and social security. However, being health on our own allows us to move beyond all that. Hopefully to everyone’s benifit.

I felt like I was beyond a lot of that stuff and looking down at it from a place, maybe too high to help in a way. Like it felt disfunctional in a way. This actually is how I felt at one point in elementary school. Like I didn’t have the capacity to give emotionally what other people needed, but for the most part things weren’t getting to me. So I was like a self-sufficient outside. An alien. Also because I could give what most people seemed to need, it seemed like I must be a worhtless alien, at least in there eyes, which mattered to me at the time.

Now, two things.
1) is that I realize what my value would be, and it would be based on ideas, not emotions.
2) I don’t really desire people’s selfish judgements of my worth. (maybe because I know what I have to offer, and or I really just don’t care because I’m happy).

I feel like increasing mood in this way as I have been doing, which has been arduos, could be a science on it’s own. Especially in how individual it’s processes are.
Also I feel like with how my mood makes me feel, that feeling good and better, seems like an actual purposeful venture. It feels that good, and also it makes sense that the sercret to life extension could be found in how our moods react to certain inputs.

Also, I might not care much about money, but I do care about living right. It could be that people will notice how I shine in this way. Possibly I could become a role model in this area. The area of self love. If you have red this far, maybe you think I live myself too much lol. Iunno. It feels good.

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