Getting over recognition to find inspiration.

After I read a fair number of enjoyable books I started thinking to myself, “I can do this”. Meaning I can make one of the same, equally amazing and deserving of praise. Once I realized that, and really it was a case of new found confidence in myself, I also decided it wouldn’t be right that I just keep reading without ever making something of my own. I disliked the idea that I would keep letting these architects of my education spoon feed me, not letting me grow in my own direction. I disliked the feeling that they were the authorities and I would remain only a student of theirs. I disliked that everyone else would see me as only that as well.

So after that, I guess I was less able to enjoy the writing of someone else because I felt like it was a lie that I would settle for being entertained an educated by a false authority who would overshadow me in my experience of life. Part of it I think was just that I grew out of the authors I was reading. However, the other part I’m sure was this feeling that I was not getting recognized for my strengths(which was partly because I didn’t feel a strong sense of connection intellectually with anyone).

Well, I still read some things, just mostly focusing on works that would help me find myself more, instead of entertainment. Even then, I tried to figure things out on my own often.

Now I have discovered that one thing that makes me feel most alive is discovery. Not to be confused with searching. I enjoy discovery, but I’d rather get there through making connections, than through searching endlessly.

Anyways, so I feel like one of the most fun methods of discovery was through entertainment like books. Now if I wrote my own books, yes I think I would be discovering just by making connections in order to make something entertaining. However, that is limited by my creative energy. Also, in reading more, I gain more ideas that I can weave into something else. Novels should remain for the fun of it, and I should read more discovery oriented things, for discovery.

Basically, once I am not focused on gaining recognition, I can focus on gaining inspiration however is best.

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