Acting: Emotional Education/Display, Strong connection, Adventure

I have been thinking for the past few day, what form of artistic expression gives me the most energy in return.

I thought it was music, since with music I explore and show case emotions that are very far out, and maybe very individualized. It’s like, it’s a very clear expression of me.
However not too many people listen to my music and almost no one feels a very strong connection to my music. Iunno, maybe becaue I do it totally in a vaccuum, totally for me.
So when I get up on stage to perform a rap, or to sing, or to let someone hear my music, I don’t feel like I am recieveing energy from teh experience. I feel like it’s either nuetral or often I feel like I am just losing energy as most people wont feel as strongly about it as I will.

Nothing wrong with this, just that music for me seems to be a very introverted activity, at least when I’m doing it alone lol, and that is not something I can depend on as a way of geting energy. It’s more of something I do when I’m bored or something, I don’t eve know. It has a place in my life, just not as something to do consistenty.

Poetry is also a low energy artistic pursuit. I have extremly unique tastes with my work, which is also reflected in that I don’t really read other peoples poetry. It’s just something really personal. It’s basically me sharing who I am, and I can’t expect everyone to be interested or connect, especially since I am less interested in most people as well.

Writing is about the same, although it has a little more energy coming my way. I think people can connect better when I write stories where other people have personalities and emotions ect. That stuff gives me energy, not the stories where it’s just a “cool idea” like new age zombie creatures and psychotic time travelers. No, the energy comes from people connecting with the characters. Connecting with me through their enlightenment of how a person can feel.

AMVs are another thing that I feel energy from. Most of them involve some lip syncing and this turns into me expressing characters emotions through the blending of the singing and the out of context animated characters expressions.

This brings me to acting. With acting, I am becomig a character. Sure I am creative and I put my own spin on emotional expressions into it, but for the most part, I amd playing with emotions that all humans have and so I find I connect better in that area.

Another way to look at this is based on how nervous I feel doing a specific type of performance. Reading poetry, or playing music or singing, I don’t really get nervous. I guess cause when I play stuff I care about, it is already assumed that many if not most people, wont be able to connect, cause my tastes are very different. So if they don’t like it, I just don’t care. Consequently, if they do like it, I care, but it’s more like, they are agreeing with me. It’s not like I’ve made a difference, they just already are the type of person who will like what I already do.

With acting, and to a lesser extent with amvs and writing, I am expressing my emotions. Not emotions I’ve created and like to experience as is with music and poetry ect. In acting, it is the emotions I have. Emotions I feel, or emotions another character feels. It’s like, with acting I am expressing myself, where as with music I am expressing stuff I like or would like which is an indirect expression of myself or my
preferences or something.

So with acting, I get to use myself to express emotions and even if it’s based on another character, it’s my emotion. Not to mention in my daily life I am far less emotionally expressive.

Also there is the idea of adventure. I have thought of acting as a process where you create a character and a story that becomes real for the audience, and their connection with the emotions you express are real, and therefore the performance, in some way, is actually real. It’s real because the performance impacts them as if it actually happened. As well, if you get really into it, it will feel more real to you as well. The emotional aspect.

I used to want to have some crazy plot happen to me in my life. I thought that would be cool. Now I feel like, it’s more valuable, to be able to lead people through a catharsis that is in a sense real, and not have to be waiting for fate to maybe deal you an adventure you may or may not want. I could create something that is real in the sense of it’s capacity to educate and enlighten. At the same time, life is already an adventure, and also the acting and the role ect, will be adventure.

EDIT: I need to add one thing. I remember acting on time and I decided to do a monologue based on a sci-fi show called the lexx. People really didn’t connect with it, and I feel like it was because it was not a well known thing. That’s another thing. It’s like, the further I go into less undestood territory (MBTI Ne territory), the harder it will be for people to connect. Where as if I use the monologue of Julius Caesar and focus on expressing emotions, to actually transmite a vibe, (MBTI Fe territory) I think I do better.

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