Letting go of need for recognition: The Joy of Sharing Interests

This post outlines my process of discovering of an overarching interest I have that is strong enough that it brings love into my life which I can give to others without expectation of return in any way.

Introduction

Yesterday I was thinking the whole day of new goals I could work on. My reason was that I wanted to be known for what I was, for my potential, ect. However, that just led to a sort of stress as it’s unatural for me to just decide to do things, without actually wanting them for more intrinsic reasons.

I’m realizing further today that I probably need to let go of trying to gain any sort of recognition, at least for it’s own sake. It’s just as it is for attracting women. You attract them best when you
are living your life for you,being healthy, having fun, ect, and not for them. So I’m brainstorming what can make me happy when you take away women and take away the ego.I mean, should still want respect for intrisnic value wether or not it is admiration. Also, if wanting to be awesome is an inspired want(like, wanting to be like some idol/superhero/ect), then I guess it’s worth striving for. However I feel like I did a lot of that when I was younger and so now I want something more. I want to do things that will improve my life in more interesting an useful ways.

Anyway, I feel one thing I’m doing right that I wasn’t before, is I’m allowing myself to watch tv when I feel the need. Another thing is I’m in school around people. Whether they admire me or not is not as important. Just that there is a social exchange is pretty good.

I guess this is going into a bunch of tangents but the main thing is I realize there are two things I want focus on:

Focus on helping others
Focus on helping myself(like having more fun)

Also that helping others things might be based on fun, like extroverted energy building when teaching someone something. I rarely care if I’m admired for it. Just when I’m in the mood I see someone doesn’t know something, and I feel this urge to make sure they know it.

I guess that’s my way(way).

Two main categories of (goal oreinted)fun that I seem to focus on intensly are:

1.Being Admired (ego based, therefore expecting recognition in return for achievment)

In stuff like video games, or actually any form of goal where the value is based on what value others have prpoduced before it seems fairly enjoyable but at the same time if I look back on childhood there was a hint of obsession that developed where I would coup up in my room trying to make a deck and it was at least partly about proving myself because if I could prove that I could kick ass with such and such a deck then I would be admired, and I guess win friends?

Even stuff like writing has this feeling like I want the recognition for what I’ve figured out and achieved. However, the reality is that people don’t need a lot of what I’m writing. Not just because everyone is different, but because other people can and should figure stuff out on their own. Also because there is a difference between teaching, and showing off what I’ve discovered, I feel this feeling of recognition is not the same as times where I am helping someone with something they need help
understanding. I guess it’s different.

2.Curiousity (Interest based, not expecting anything in return)
Learning about things is extremly fun for me. I feel though that what I enjoy learning about (just for the curiousity, not to solve a problem) might be focused on the realm of people and myself. Isn’t it interesting that I cared more about cellini’s story than Da vincis note book of inventions. Well for one, Cellini’s was a glorious and entertaining tale, but I feel I generally care more about people are than what they have to teach. Unless ofcourse, what they have to teach applies to a problem or interest of mine already.

Music, Art, Language, (film/movies/stories), etc

These are all about different perspectives on the world. I guess these are higher forms of education, because instead of learning about specific concepts, you learn how to conceptualize in general. I guess philosophy stems from that, but philosophy is actually a level beneath. The study of how people think/feel/what they are/ect is the highest level education one can get. Beyond that there is a level of learning above education, which is experience.

I also spend a lot of time solving problems, and you could say this is productive, but it is far from ideal. The ideal would be to not have those problems, and be able to focus on the fun. At the same time, that fun, at least the definition I just described for me, would involve learning things that should very applicable to solving problems.

Oh btw, competition can be about learning how people think as well, and in that cause it would go under the second form of fun.

I feel that in focusing on what people are etc (including myself)(and I guess other curiousity based interests) I will automatically have things to talk about that I can go on forever about, without the focus nessesarily being on me (except when someone recognizes my contributions and observations ect by chance ( could happen a lot but it wont be my main drive)). My main drive will be enlightening people about all the cool shit that is out there. Sharing in that cool shit.

It’s making more sense now. I will teach stuff that is so interesting to me, that I can’t keep from teaching it. When I take the focus off trying to be something, I allow myself to find what is actually interesting for me (even if it’s a tv show, or a culture, ect) and tell people about it, giving that true passion to them, without even trying. I may not end up doing this through writing, or through youtube, but however it happens, I just want to make sure I enjoy it for it’s own sake. I just need something that is truly fun, in my life.

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