Extroverted Enneagram Type 5, Let people approach me instead

Kind of a paradox to be an extrovert who is one of the most introverted enneagram types but I feel that is my situation. This gives me even more ideas as to how best to interact with others, and way doing so in other ways doesn’t work out.

It’s almost like there is a sort of order in natural social interactions for me where when people approach me, things work out fairly well where as if I approach them things don’t work out as well and don’t feel as natural. This could be a natural thing type 5s or born with, or it could be nuture like I get approached often and get used to it, but I don’t it’s the later for some reason.

Although I am an extrovert, being type five means I’m sensitive to reactions of others. I don’t mean sensitive like getting emotional, I mean sensitive like I’m kind of a perfectionist when it comes to social interactions. Anyways, I feel this may have been what caused me social anxiety in the past, and is now what makes me feel someone inadequate when it comes to initiating conversations. However, it’s not that I don’t know how to be social, it’s more like if it wont go perfectly or very well it will be a downer to my energy levels. However, is someone else initiates it and I am reacting to them, maybe it’s like I feel like I can’t put my best foot forward in an interaction because my best foot will depend partly on what the other person wants to get out of the interaction. The same way I don’t feel comfortable telling people what to do, I don’t feel authentic just pushing myself on people. I’d rather they decide for themselves if I am someone they want to talk to.

It’s not only for my sake, I also acknowledge the possibility that an interaction with me could end up being bad for them. Not like I’m a bad person or anything but just that we might not be right for each other and end up doing more harm than good by being being introduced to each others lives. I trust myself to be able to overcome any negatives, but I don’t trust them I guess, and don’t want to hurt others unintentionally. I guess since I’ve done a lot of obvserving I can see more variables than most people and to me people seem extremely fragile.

So all that plus the general demotivation that comes from poor reception, makes me feel
more comfortable letting people come to me. Also I am very good with answering questions about topics I am comfortable speaking about. Even just trying to be funny, I can be funny but I realized I don’t feel comforable being funny for the sake of gaining friends. That does’t feel right at all. I am funny WITH friends, or for my own enjoyment or just if something comes to me, but trying to be funny isn’t me being more social, it’s me being inauthentic.

The only problem is being an extrovert means losing energy when not around people. What I’ve been doing here so far is trying to do my studying and stuff at the library or somewhere public, (and with podasts?/). Also I try to find game events and things where I am interacting with others on working towards a goal. Plus there is school with classes where I can get involved by asking questions. Then there is work, and also the gym. All this being around people gives people chances to see who I am and decide if they want to talk to me for themselves. I think the reason I get energy even from just being around people, is that somewhere in me I know that is social and it’s enough that the right relationships will come out of it.

I feel(noticed) that for all my approaching of other people this past year I’ve still made more friends from being approached than the other way around and most of the girls that seemed to like me, seemed to like me before meeting me.

People seem to think that the man should do the approaching and they make it into a sort of hierarchy thing, like dominance and submission. However, that stuff is not a concrete human thing, it’s a phenomenon that exists in interactions between certain types, of which I think I am not. For me it seems to make far more sense to let people approach me, and it also can be seen as dominance(if that is the masculine thing iunno) as I am being sought after, instead of me being the one chasing.

I can extend this even to careers. I like this blog and I like my youtube channel and things of this nature for there own sake, I’ll just say that. For careers though, it seems there are two ways to go about it. One is to go out looking for a job, and approaching employers and selling myself. The second is for employers search for me. Either because they heard of me and want my help, or because they are looking for someone with my skills and stumble across me. Although it’s safe to say that said employer must be looking for something specific for them to come across me with any reasonable probability, I also think it safe to say that a type 5 would have a a unique skill set.

Also I feel this is might be way I don’t enjoy making videos of me talking on youtube, but rather just do music. Videos don’t seem appropriate because all I want to do is express my thoughts, and mainly to myself first, and second to anyone else stumbles on them. This is done far better through writing for me, than youtube so I see no reason to use youtube. It would be like advertising mostly, and I don’t feel that is authentic for me to self advertise as if I know what other people need or even just what is worth highlighting about myself in video format. Right now I’d much rather that be based on someone elses needs. Iunno though, we’ll see.


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