After stepping back to see what I’ve been neglecting, Daniel H. Pink, Right Brained Economy

A few days ago after all the attempts and deciding on a path, and thinking maybe programming would work, I noticed that the choice didn’t feel sincere. Like I was selling myself and everyone else short by going that route. I felt like I just had so much more to offer although society didn’t have a place for it. So I took a step back and looked at all the other people in my life who at the present moment I had been kind of neglecting and would probably have to continue neglecting to give what I was truly capable of if I went that way, and it looked grim. From my research (not much I’ll admit) apparently although there is less war, there is actually more conflict now in the world. It’s just the way people relate to each other in general now that is far from optimal.

I realized, I mean just what am I even living for it I’m going to walk through life following the money and letting all my natural abilities that could help a lot of people just be relegated to the side project status. I thought about it, like when I die, what do I want to leave behind. Not based on other peoples idea of what a legacy is, but mine. What would feel worth while for me. So I realized I had to do better. Art, music, writing, just something. Something that would make an actual impact.

So yesterday I stumbled across “A whole NEW MIND: Why right-Brainers Will Rule the Future By Daniel H. Pink.” and it shed some light on the situation from an economic perspective which was great because even though I would rather my life be about helping others in the best way I can than making money, I still felt I shouldn’t have to neglect myself. So he basically says that in the future people with my skills will be in demand and that it’s slowly happening already and I totally see it. So I think I will focus more on doing things I feel are important and not on just money, also not on fame or anything like that either. I don’t want to be motivated by trying to get love, I want to be motivated by the growth of my own love for others and for the universe.

According to Daniel H., meaning is found in the service of others. However at least for me if feels like my true feelings of love don’t come from helping people, but instead they come from hearing an amazing song and witnessing other beauties and art forms, and mindfulness and meditation, and philosophy, and I guess to some extent novelty. So I wonder if I should be focusing on helping other people, or if I should be focusing on reaching some sort of nirvana or something. It just seems at least so far that all the value I’ve created was based on me seeking my own happiness. Although I have empathy, iunno if that comes from my parents infj isfx?, or from watching good tv and reading good books, or just the social environment in general. Iunno, and it helps to have empathy and want good things for the world(also philosophy for wanting good things for the world (terry goodkind)) but I still don’t see myself as a therapist. I have empathy and/or sympathy but I’m not too emotionally available.

I actually feel weird when I do something nice and a person is over joyed ect, because I just wish they could do it themselves, like be self-empowered and not so helpless. I think if I do focus on others it will be with that as the end goal. For people to be more self-empowered. my problem though is I get very easily discouraged when I try to help someone and they don’t want the help. I mean I don’t get upset but I just feel like, maybe I shouldn’t be trying so hard. That and the above is more reason to just focus on myself.

Then there are things like striving to become more attractive, body building ect. Do I do these things for me, or is it to try and win the love of someone else. Is it vanity or is it art. Is it abundance or scarcity. I know I have always wanted to have an awesome body, however now that I am pretty close to it I wonder if it is still for the right reasons. I am more sex obsessed now and I also wonder the same thing about sex. Is it good to want a partner to be very attracted to you or is it the same as trying to get someone to love you instead of loving yourself. Well what I think is that as long as you aren’t depending on it for happiness it makes a nice bonus. Like, if you are happy with who you are and if you feel you could be happy if you were unattractive and with no one finding you attractive, then I feel by all means strive to be even more attractive for your lover and for your enjoyment. However, I feel that in this day and age maybe priority should be on loving ones self first because in this age of abundance there is no need for self hatred as a motivator for survival, so all it does is takes away from enjoyment and growth and actually it takes away from survival lol. This is the age of intrinsic motivation, and intrinsic value.



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