Thoughts Before meeting friends: Focus on person security, Math

I want to feel empowered and I wonder if math can do that more than just writing can.
I mean, it’s my Si wanting career security but maybe even more so it’s wanting
independence. To the extend that a super hero would have although I don’t mean I
want to be super in that no one else has what I have, just that I think we should all
strive to be empowered.

I feel like I learned math in college only to pass tests, and even more so only
for that specific field, not for the greater purpose it could serve in my life.

I do find myself using math in my life, to the extent that I have knowledge, and
beyond that I wonder about what could be explored if i knew more. For instance, if
algorithms the body is based on can be seen in the physical manifestation. Math seems
like the quantitative half of philosophy to me actually. I have been exposed to
and developed the qualitative side in my life very well, but it seems the world
is moving in a way were qualitative study is more important. Or at least in my life,
at least with my Si, it is.

I also think, maybe what I should be focusing on is exploration in general and that
exploration is where a lot of the biggest wealth comes from, especially for someone
like me who can then make connections. What to explore though? Technology would be good
but maybe I’m just a bigger picture person but I feel like math is more interesting as
it applies to everything, where as technology is technology first. Just a tool.

People say math is a tool, and maybe it is, but beyond that I think math exists
as part of reality,even if only in that we perceive quantity, it’s important because
our perception of quantity is how we survive and a large part of how we experience
life.

Part of me also feels like maybe if I felt a greater sense of belonging, no matter
what the field, I would feel far more secure. Is that a good thing though? I wonder
because I would only be as secure as I was a part of the community which from experience
things happen, its not absolute. It might net me a job, but would I feel completely empowered.
I have for the longest time had the fantasy of empowerment through personal power. Although
I realize I do use a lot of what society offers, not to mention my love of people.
I just wonder if my Si could be fulfilled if say I joined a writers society and could
make a living as a writer, or would I still feel like something is missing without
being able to say I could make it actually on my own.

Like john Crichton. I feel like maybe I wouldn’t be fulfilled unless I become
super human and becoming superhuman would depend more on my mind than on physical
powers, and that I need at least equally strong qualitative and quantitative power
and they both need to be very strong. It’s kind of like yin and yang. Just like
Ne and Si are like yin and yang.

I guess it is possible that I actually could do a lot more if I just focused
more on philosophy and actually read more of what they have to say, searching, asking
specific questions, and gathering knowledge. However, It seems like philosophy can only
go so far in the physical world and is mostly about perspective. I guess it is possible
to discover things about the world, that could be converted in to a quantitative thing,
but why should I limit myself when math exists already and I sometimes find it interesting.

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