SJ Problems: Guy at A Starbucks Told Me to Put my foot down!

After a 4 hr shift on a foot with plantar fascistic and after doing dead lifts at the gym an hour earlier, I decided I didn’t want to go home right away. I thought I’d go to the starbuck’s in the same mall and use the internet there. I had just had a big revelation today and I wanted to indulge in it online. I have varicose veins in my leg which were exacerbated by the standing at work after the dead lifts. My left leg to be specific, so what I do in this situation is sit with my left leg bend and the foot on the same chair I’m sitting on, like, tucked into my crotch I guess you could say, but the heel down. Only my sock because the shoe would have meant too high a foot hold, and shoes are dirty.

Well, an hour into my foray, I am interutped by a guy, probably younger than me, who decided it was his job to tell me to foot my foot down. He just said it so off-handly too, like I should know better. I looked at him up and down, realized he was not wearing a uniform. He does not appear to work at the starbucks. I think I asked him to repeat his request, and I made sure to give him the look that while smiling, meant, why would you think this is ok. Then I asked him if he worked there. He said yes. …, I didn’t believe him, so I asked, “where?” which could have meant “at the starbucks or the book store it was a part of?” or it could have meant, “where in the mall”, if he assumed I was asking him if he worked in the whole mall. Either way, his response was, “look man, just from person to person (95% sure he was not employed there) it’s indecent for you to have your foot on their like that, people sit there.”

Well, I decided I would let him have the win, as he was at least… I don’t even know. I’d like to say curious but…

I went up to his table a minute or two later and explained why I was doing that. I asked him, if he had a better idea. I don’t know why I went this way with things, just playing into his hands in that he feels he has this authority. Well his response, while nicely put, was basically that I should go home. I ended it there.

I think as an extrovert, and with Fe, sometimes I just want to keep harmony socially, although I can be a rebel when it suits me, at that moment I just wasn’t in that state of mind. Although now, now I am.

Anyways, the story isn’t quite over.

He finishes his meal and I await his final thoughts as people are predictable that way. I pretend I’m reading and as he walks past he says, hey it’s nothing personal I just think a lot of people are not respecting each other. I thought, hmmm, esfj? and I thought I believed him about it being not personal. I responded that I was still thinking critically about what he had said. He seemed surprised to hear that for some reason. Obviously I haven’t decided he was right, are you kidding. He said he sees it all the time on the bus ect and that he’s not some “social defender” which is a word I have not heard, but that he just doesn’t think it’s right. I mentioned that he also didn’t know where my pants had been that day which he laughed and seemed to think about, but said he knows he just thinks the foot thing is disrespectful. He said he was sorry about my leg and hopes it gets better, to which I respond by showing him I had positioned it on top of my other shoe as a pitiful attempt to abide by his rules. Must have been high from all the walking at work.

He seemed pleased, we exchanged names, I invited him to sit because I still wondered if he was an esfj which is a type I’m kind of fond of for some reason. He declined. Shook my hand tightly and when I tightened my grip in response he quickly released with a bit of a flick to his wrist as well. hmm, probably estj.

My analysis and comments now:

Although he was offended by me having my foot on my chair, that doesn’t really reflect any wrong doing on my part, beyond offending him. Beyond that, he has invaded my life to tell me to either position myself in a way that is not healthy, or to leave the store that is a public place in a free country. A free country! Oh how the high horse doth chafe! I felt my freedom being threatened by this guy honestly. That’s always how it feels when an ESTJs, just comes on the scene trying to control their environment.

He says it isn’t personal, but when a white guy tells a black guy what to do in a room full not black guys, and comments on how he sees people doing said thing, but never mentions doing anything about it, except with said black guy, well I wont say it’s personal, because I don’t take things personal especially with people who I don’t even know, but it’s questionable. Not only that, but in society, for someone to decide it’s ok for them to order someone else around just out of the blue, with no professional capacity to do so, is harassment, plain and simple, and if he was speaking to someone less stable, things could have taken a different turn, but I guess he saw I was dressed nice. If he had a problem he actually should have spoken to the store owners and let them make the decision.

I know I could have just said f-off, right away, but I didn’t feel like it. For one, I felt if he had the balls to talk to the store owners they actually might have taken his side for whatever reason(which actually I could handle, and shouldn’t have avoided). Not only that, but  didn’t want to disturb the harmony, I was just in that mood where I wanted to be the good guy, not make an enemy.

I just realized, he didn’t shake my hand at the end because he liked me. More so because I did what he said. My goal for next time, will be either for the offender to shake my hand because won him over with my charisma or I made him see things my way, or for him/(or her actually) to realize I have needs as well.



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