Self-actualization, not the end goal of being distinuished in society for the sake of feeling important, something more

I feel like the idea of self-actualization in some circles seems to focus more on how one is compared to others and so how much one get’s in terms of admiration. For me this way of thinking wont help. I kind of enjoy being admired but only if I remain true to myself and let the admiration continue to be just a possible consequence of me doing what I want. The moment I feel a pull to improve for the sake of others loving me more, is the moment I feel I’ve started to give away my personal power. So I always try to let go of the judgements of others. After all, we are responsible for only ourselves. I am not responsible for others, not even in how good I look after the gym ect.

I think my focus has always erred towards me finding a way to admire me the most. I say the most because growing up teachers were always favoring a select few other kids which made me feel inferior, until I learned how to deal with it. At first it was about the dream of becoming impressive to them. Eventually, I guess as my tastes grew more refined, I focused on impressing myself. Eventually I started becoming able to do so. I’m guessing this advice wont work for everyone but for me, and younger entps who find themselves in a position of self doubt, it will help. Be true to yourself in that you find ways of being(through movies, books, other inspiring people, ect) that are so inspiring to you that you would like to assimilate them as part of who you are, regardless of who else cares. Be true to that love. See it’s easy for some monk on a mountain to say stop focusing on the ego, on striving, but some individuals(some personality types) will enjoy striving to impress themselves, and not doing so would be neglect.

I am just looking back through life and how I have become happier with myself over time, and some of the tricks I used to get there. I feel this is also the key to self-actualization, but actually I’m not sure there is any point in thinking of some end goal as a human where one is self-actualized. I don’t want to imagine an end in personal growth and discovery. I don’t think there is, and I don’t think self-actualization is a definite point, beyond Maslows identification of the distinguished. If we all became self-actualized, would we all be distinguished. How would that even be possible? I mean, can everyone be famous? I mean I guess everyone can have 1000 followers or so on social media, maybe that would be a sign. It’s interesting that becoming distinguished in the social media way seems to be happening faster in North America but it makes sense because of individualism ect. However, I feel like a person is self-actualized the moment they decide to take growth into their own hands and be true to themselves. Beyond that, outside feedback isn’t as important especially when people can get famous for just about anything.

Actually a very important moment of growth for me, is realizing that other people weren’t better than me, no matter what and that I didn’t need their friendship to be happy. This was easier towards the end of high-school where I just stopped caring and after gaining so many different perspectives on life through other people, and movies, anime, video games,ect. Hard to believe parents thought those things were a waste of time, they were some of the the only things that were not at that stage in my life. Before that, in elementary where I felt I needed to socialize but wasn’t fitting in, and only had a few possible people I could aspire to be, it made life, well I still had inspiration, but when it met up with reality in junior high and my sex drive, it wasn’t pretty at times.

So maybe self-actualization for me is just growing to become all the things(or the things I’m most(for efficiencies sake)) inspired to be, at any point in time. See part of me wonders if self-actualization is just about being responsible for ones own bliss. Inspiration for growth seems to be more ego based, and in some ways more frail, like what if something happened to said individual so that they became less than what they were? Wouldn’t that hurt? Where as if they were just focused on enjoyment, they would always be focused on enjoyment. Although I guess growth is enjoyable as well. Some games are based on this. Also removing enjoyment could also hurt. So I guess self actualization could be both of these. Also I guess both of these things are the same really, as long as you base your ego on how much you can do for yourself. Then it’s like, personal growth, becoming “cooler” where “cooler” means better able to make oneself happy.

Even things that seem as vain as appearance, I feel can be based on the pleasure of being more pleasant to look at in the mirror, not necessarily about what others think. Maybe even the pleasure of being inspiring and admirable to others, for the joy of it, but to fill some need for love though. This is where it get’s tricky. Differentiating between impressing people for the fun and for being inspiring, or for some deeper need that is not being met. I think the way to make sure it’s the former is to be healthy enough mentally(philosophically) and physically, that this love energy is being produced from within.

So it seems that beyond the things I do for myself, I am driven to have fun by working with people on projects, both with my ideas and adding my ideas to theirs ect. I wonder if I and other ENTPs are natural collaborators. I mean, there are things I do on my own, like music and writing/thinking about life and solving problems, but I think unless I get together with people to work on cool things, and especially to share ideas, something will be missing. I feel like efficiency for me when it comes to creating something fun and passionate, is collaboration.  I mean, when it comes to solving my problems in my quest for personal growth, I do so alone, although the internet is at my disposal. However t just seems that when it comes to fun, I become inspired when working on something with other people where I can just throw ideas out there based on inspired thoughts or based on something they’ve said. So after jogging, I feel like I can be happy by myself so I’m not desperate, however for more fun and fulfillment, I should find people to collaborate with. I guess u could call this a bit of self-actualization as I am realizing the value of collaborating by sharing my ideas and expanding and initiating things, even though a lot of people seem to think being the idea person means slacking off.

 

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