Living for inpsiration: Finding it (or Getting out of it’s way)

After my last post I started thinking maybe the best thing for me to focus on, at least when not inspired, would be my own  health. However this was partially based on my motivation to be creating something people might want to buy. Like, making a fitness blog when I’m in a less positive state which while I’ll be researching on ways  improve my own health, the only reason I would make a blog out of it is for money which is the opposite of my authentic desires. I am actually still recovering from that thought that supporting myself right now financially was somehow imperative to my well-being and even more, imperative to my self worth for reason of me being taking responsibility for myself. I am re-learning other ways of seeing my life now, other more positive ways. For instance, as far as doing something inspired, if this was my last day alive, would I rather spend it moving out on my own when I don’t have to, or spend it doing something I actually feel is important, regardless of what most of what is socially acceptable.

So I was realizing also, that maybe health isn’t enough. I mean yes I think health is a perquisite to living the type of like I want, but not the only one. I think at the end of of the day, maybe that thing that makes me feel most alive is inspiration which actually, to inspire means to breath life into. So what I’m wondering is how do I go about being more inspired. Even while I’m pretty positive today, without programming which I’m not sure is authentically me, I can’t think of anything else I could be doing right now and that leaves me obsessing over what I should be doing, even just for fun.

So I’m going to try creating a tree or graph thing to brain storm and try to come up with a system that works to build inspiration until I am automatically inspired to do awesome things. Here we go:

Method 1:

Feel like shit and obsess over what you can do for money and enjoy -> find that something -> jog and sleep well and do that something

Method 2:

Method 1+reassess if what you found you enjoy is actually authentic and if it is continue.

Method 3

Jog/sleep well -> feel inspired but with no goal, just positive -> just be curious about everything and take it all it -> when something from what you take in inspires you, act on that.

So I just listened to a song I wrote a while ago. Mainly because I read review your older creative works can help inspire and I realized I do that all the time when I’m seeking inspiration. So I did so and the song sounded better than usual which makes sense because my serotonin is higher than usual which makes music sound better.

I thought about the song which I love for reasons which may not make sense to everyone, but it’s basically has a feel like facing my own mortality.

This is one of my best if not the best. I feel like when it comes to what inspires me, sure there are lot’s of little one off ideas I have often, but…

Well when I was nearing the end of high-school I was watching a lot of epic style movies like 300 and troy ect, and samurai style movies and I was in this frame of mind that dying passionately would be a beautiful thing. It was kind of like life and death had become two halves of a life well lived. At this point I was also way more into Tae kwon do and martial arts in general. I felt like fighting was one of the highest forms of expression for me. Not as in, I have a lot of problems so I have to fight. Just like, I loved the idea of fighting and even the idea of a life and death struggle. Well I grew out of that I guess. As I grew older I realized how much people cared about me and I them and death stopped seeming so interesting and virtuose.

However, well I don’t think I’ll go back to feeling the way I felt in highschool, I feel like life in it’s entirety including mortality are the most interesting things. I feel like if I am to feel a sense of awe and wonder, it will probably be based around what life is, what consciousness is, who I was before, who I am now, ect. This is something I think I would gladly trade a big house and nice car for. These are things that, if I was to die tomorrow, I would want to experience as much of these things as possible and share them with people. It’s that deeply spiritual(including emotional, mental, social) stuff from an analytical perspective.

I feel like, when I’m in a high serotonin state I am more spiritual in this way. I’m not sure if I will find something, like a goal or anything specific, to work towards, but this is something that I would be ok focusing on in this state of mind, regardless of whether or not it nets me anything financially.

So maybe the way inspiration works for me is

jog/sleep -> high-serotonin state -> let it happen(it: The curiosity and enthusiasm and eventually ideas worth pursuing)

Basically, ones I’m getting the serotonin, I am inspired, but I just have to get deep enough to connect to it. Deep like meaning of life/death/reality/soul/music/art/poetry. This deep place is more authentic to who I am but if I shy away from it thinking I need to focus on something more practical or even worse deny myself in completely by not staying healthy and/or letting outside influences dictate who I should be, then I wont get it. Once I get it though, I think the poetry and art music and curiosity and everything will flow naturally. Just the thoughts of the day.

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