Next Day After Jog (June 20)

Woke up at maybe around 8 and still felt tired, had to pee, so I went to sleep hoping I’d be ale to fall back asleep and I did and woke up around 9. Pretty good since I went to bed around 11:30, very good sleep indeed.

Still felt a a bit tired but I could feel myself becoming more energized as I did laundry, shower, ect.

I also noticed my stomach which had been bloated for the past few days had flattened out by like 50% over night. This means my high fat diet was not the problem, just the sleeping late making me store fat instead of using it, plus the cardio doing things like increasing serotonin and priming me for sleep, plus the extra 450-500 calories burned in that 35min jog.

Then I started singing, and then beat boxing, and it was sounding really good so I recorded it.

creativity, confidence, positive mood, is one of these the parent of the other ones?

I also took more pictures, it seems everything has more potential to be beautiful now.

On the first bus, I got on and the bus driver smiled at me, another black guy lol, maybe that was why.

On the bus some older black lady talked to me as the bus was turning into the station, commenting that it was stopping in a different place. By talk to me I mean she turned to face me and her hand was touching my shoulder. By older I mean a senior citezen.

Next bus, I sit between senior citizen white lady who is talking to herself, and some younger Asian girl. An old guy comes on an I offer him my seat but he declines. So I sit again. Then I spot a dime under the seat opposite me and so when the bus stops I try to get it with my foot while everyone wonders what I’m doing. I am about to give up when the old white(european) lady says in some other language it sounded like, to keep trying or something, so I get it and say “yes” and everyone enjoyed that when I picked it up. Then I offer it to the lady and she’s pushes my hand away for me to keep it so I do.

Then I look around at all the smiling faces. Then the lady get’s off the bus and says have a nice day and I say you too.

I continued monitoring my thoughts and watching for signs of subtle desperation but it seemed they weren’t there unless I actually chose to follow the old philosophy of trying to meet people. Then that desperate feeling seemed to come along with it. Otherwise I feel content, and not lonely or sexually frustrated. I just feel like fun.

As I walked through the halls people made eye contact but when I made eye contact I guess I didn’t feel like I could smile because it felt like the desperate feeling was coming back when I tried to form a connection. Then they didn’t smile either. So it’s like, when I focus on having fun and sharing that fun, I make connections, but when I focus on making connections it’s like, I stop being fun. Of course, either way I wasn’t really fun until after the jog yesterday. However I already had realized at the conscious level that the desperate way of thinking, of wanting to make connections for the sake of my happiness, was not ideal. I just had no other options until after jogging.

(Right now someone, has moved from the couches at the end of the room, to the table I am sitting at)

So I am wondering if with creativity, confidence, positive mood, ect is one of these the parent of the other ones? I wanna say t fun comes from the creativity, but I think the fun creativity comes with being positive. Iunno, I’m thinking there should be another emotion that combines all of these states. Well it’s more than an emotion because it’s actually a mental state that allows increase creativity. I’m just wondering if this is something that can be controlled. Actually I think the positive emotion is at the center of it somehow and I feel at isa very hard thing to just will myself to have.

Well, the next thing which just happened is a an estranged friend just responded to the txt of a semi estranged friend and is interested in catching up.

Maybe everyone is becoming more happy in genera because of the weather, but jogging definitely offers more control.

Now I’m talking the person who sat near me. infj?


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