Thoughts after going for a Jog

So after deciding I needed to let go of the urge to meet people cause it was to desperate,

Then after realizing I’m an extrovert so of course I want to meet people what else would I do,

Then realizing that the problem must be something in my mind biologically that was making me feel so desperate and nervous,

Then deciding I would go for a jog and that once again I think I need to jog, more than most people, for whatever reason, and that if I’d rather jog than meditate I should just stick to jogging,

I decided I would record my thoughts during and after the jog to compare the differences so here are the major thoughts I had

Start of jog, up hill, chest burned from the smog and dry air I guess

Second lap I started coming up with all sorts of ideas from making a video of myself running with cameras on all sides as I lisynced, then thought about using that as a motivational thing for training clients where they get to record themselves working out, or me working out with them and recording them,

Then I started singing and doing air guitar to some cell dweller song and thought someone should record this

Then I ended off singing and went up to the hill to sit

Then I noticed a few good shots I could have captured if I had my camera

I put on some music and for a second I felt this vibe like, this is my scene, like I felt I had claimed ownership over that moment, which made me think, what about the rest of my life, I obviously don’t feel the same way if this is such a contrast.

Then I was fiddling with a stem of a dandylion and made it into a ring and put it on the ring finger of my right hand and thought about that for a second, cause I did it almost half thinking.

Also I felt like I had more control over how negative or positive I looked at life, like I could bring myself closer to feeling high, by focusing on the experience, the beauty of it, ect

On the way home I walked past someone and I felt the social side of myself, the side that understands people, that sees them for what they are, that side was more active at that time. I feel like that is the same side that allows me to be so social. It’s active and it allows me to connect with people deeply where as in other cases I’ll feel like  can’t connect and I can try to connect on a logical level but can’t even look people in the eyes because I feel like there is nothing for me to see almost, or nothing for me to feel, or maybe it’s that I have nothing to offer them in terms of social energy and so I just fear they may take my eye contact the wrong way. Something like that, when the social part of my brain isn’t active. It’s like I’m trying to become friends with someone, but I’m not a friend, I’m a stranger. Where as after jogging, I feel at some level that I’m good for people and I understand people. It’s basically the difference between pro-social and anit-social, at a biological level. I wonder if other personality types get this as quickly as I do cause it feel like it would be more of an NT trait as we are already so analytical.

So it’s interesting. I become pro-social, and at the same time, I become less desperate for social interaction. Maybe it’s because being pro-social extends to myself as well. Like it’s just an energy and if you have it you are good for you and everyone around you and you know it, and if you don’t have it, you’re…well, you’re at a disadvantage.

Then I came home and stretched/relaxed on my bed for maybe 30min with some music on and realized, the stretching, the relaxing, these are things I would usually think I would not find enjoyable due to the constant nagging urge to be around people or otherwise productive but in that moment all I wanted to do was relax and stretch. So I realized, maybe meditation could even be worked in, just after jogging, and maybe with music iunno.

So it seems so much of my experience of life depends on if I jog or not.

about an hour later…

However, it’s not like people are flocking to my door step because I worked out. I’m still here in my room by myself. I guess I’m still not quite as desperate. I would work on some programming but I’m tired. I’d go play magic but It’s to late to head there now. I guess it’s best that I go to bed early anyways. In the future though I just thought about maybe group classes, also of course meetups. I’d love to work on my comedy as well, so maybe I’d have something to bring to any social situation and make it light and fun, because after a jog, I am usually in a light and fun kind of pro-social mood which would be complemented by humor. Although maybe I don’t need to actually focus on making any. Actually maybe I just need to surround myself (virtually I guess) with more funny, and enjoy it in a pro-social way(which btw comedy is way more funny after a jog), and let it rub off on me. Then in interactions I’ll be natural with the spotting absurdity and my mind will be primed for funny from the comedy. Also watching comedy is priming for socializing in general because you get into the social groove when your seeing other socially intelligent people talking. Also comedy increase serotonin on it’s own.

Very technical for someone who just want’s to have fun, but I’m taking into account the down time, like now, where there isn’t anyone to meet up with.

On second thought, after watching some comedy, I feel like I will just watch comedy because I enjoy it.


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