Are you fidgeting? Wait! What exactly are you doing? It could be your highest form of self expression!

So I was on reddit originally just checking out another redditors blogging experience post. I was lead to the small business and entrepreneur subreddits. Through thee I learned of a start-up called star stuff and the way the guy talked about how it raised over $35,000 in start up funds from kick starter and all the cool strategic ideas he thought about during the process, and  everyone commenting said they loved the product, it was inspiring. It inspired me to look at my financial goals a different way kind of. Like if I focused on making a product that many people, including me , loved, not necessarily that filled a need, but that they just loved, then it would be best I think. So I realized that brands are also like metaphors in that they represent a persons or peoples vision and their love for what they do and it represents the societies love for that product in that the product was supported. This is why a good brand can make a person release the hormone oxytocin in levels similar to what would be released when thinking about their child.

So what could I do to create such a brand. Also I wondered if I was traveling in the right direction as I was becoming more obsessed about making money. However the strategy involved in setting up such a business sounded like fun, just what product? A physical one might be best as it seems to generate more oxytocin which may be  philosophically a good thing, iunno. I like magic the gathering cards, the physical cards, and I know they are called cardboard crack fr a reason. what product would be right for me though.

So I went to bed but couldn’t sleep. So I thought more and the following in sequences is a god idea of my thought process.

Steve jobs with apple, focused on aesthetics and efficiency. Actually aesthetics is part of efficiency(see previous post)
Jobs the entp?
How about that n64 controller, that was something. the shape was so nice
what other shapes do I like
I often when just fiddling, find myself rearanging things to be ordered geometrically

I take pictures and focus on making things have some sort of order there too
My body, I work out to make my body more aesthetic
When I was in college designing a prinited circuit board I went into flow state
When I draw based on somethin already drawn, I go into flow state
When I was trying web design I went into flow state
The shape of women
The shapes of tae kwon do moves, the angles
The shapes I make when doing weird improve fight dances by my self
When fidgeting I am often really making geometric order out of random objects
I scored very well on a test of spacial intellegence
I like architecture, and chinese writing

So I think I just realized something about myself. I mean, yes I consider myself artistic, but I don’t often feel the urge to create something artsy in that it is expresses some facet of my imagination, or at least that isn’t usually the major role.
What I do have is almost an obsessive bubbling beneath the surface, drive for expressing myself geometrically.
I’m thinking maybe most people don’t try to highlight files on their desktop in such a way that the lines of the highlighting web are flush with the edges of the files facing outward. I guess if you don’t underrstand what I just described then probably no you don’t do this. I do this, it actually feels good when I do it, like it’s satisfying to me. I never paid any attention to that fact until now.

The thing is, I have always felt that this form of creativity was too easy to be valuable. When I designed my first printed circuit board, I was in a trance and the teacher pointed me out and everyone saw what I was doing and they were like “wow”. I was like, why is this cool, it’s so easy. You guys are on average doing better than me in most classes. The teacher even said if you like this their are jobs in this, but I was thinking I don’t want to be stuck doing just this when anyone could do it.

Now I realized, well I don’t think anyone could do that. Also I realize that it must be extremely important if if makes people happy to just look at it. It makes me happy as well. It’s an expression of love from me, and not in the way that it will make me happy when I’m done and it doesn’t have to be perfect just has to show the idea to others. No, with this it’s almost a compulsion and it does have to be perfect(meaning high efficiency, meaning love) and I go into flow state when I do it. Now that I realize this I realize this isn’t art I am after, it is design in that it is visual efficiency. So now that I realize this, my test might be to see how far this facet of myself can carry me. Will it be just another thing I do once in a blue moon, or will it be something I can do all the time in some form and if so, what form?

3d graphics modeling
web design
3d printing
PCB design
wood working

Btw I am also good with color, like for web design, color is good.
Iunno, should I just make some cool designed shirts like that other guy? Or should I run with this concept and try all the things that feed that drive.

I feel like geometry is an entp thing actually, and leonardo davinci was pretty huge on it. I wonder if my expressions of geometry will hold some latent truths about reality. That would be the best case scenario and would increase my believe that humans are naturally moving towards finding the things they have a drive to do and that it is evolution.

So I feel like maybe everyone has something like this that could be valuable but maybe they are not doing it because they don’t see the value in it. Not something where they like the idea of it, but something they just do out of compulsion almost. I felt the same way about drums also. It just seems so easy to me, and my music teacher told me I should give it a go but I said why would I do that, piano is more challenging and therefore it must be better. Ha! I don’t think that way anymore, especially when the world is ruled by people who have found things that are valuable to society and that they are the best at (meaning things that are easy for them, and not for most people)

I just realized, even when I eat, like I just had a piece of bread, and I eat it so that it always stays a square, because it just feels good to do so.


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