The Lexx: journy of my Si & Spiritual growth

I am checking out an old tv show called the lexx. I first learned of the show when I was probably 8 or 9 maybe 10, and I watched it I think it was every Friday evening. Anyway it was a pretty messed up show and being that young it was often like I was just hoping I wouldn’t see anything too scary.

So now I’m watching the making of, which I have seen already, and might watch the whole show again. I’m learning things from re-watching it though:

1) the music was so phenomenal and I’ve just realized a new way of looking at music. It is used as a way of expressing a context for the scene. This show does that so well.
2) The characters and ideas are so unique that even though it’s fiction, so much is learned, so many concepts are learned. Even if concepts like space ships, living ships ect, are fictional, it doesn’t mean the ideas aren’t educational. They are extremely educational. Th whole experience of that show, the way the different personalities interact with each other. It’s just amazing.

This might sound vain, but I wonder if I would have watched it if Zev was not in the show. I’m not sure because I definitely appreciate beauty and it really attracts me to things. Iunno, maybe I would, or maybe not when  was younger, but maybe when older. I don’t know honestly. Well even if Zev was the main attraction INITIALLY, I gained so much more from the show in the end.

The youtuber Zero One Infinity, and now on her new channel as Rachael Lynne mentioned that one way ENTPs and others with Si as their last function try to develop it is by Nostalgia. I realize I have been doing a lot of that, a lot of looking at my past to understand who I am, how I came to be, what I like, what is important to me, ect. My problem with my desire to do this was that it felt like I was not focusing on the future. Like it feels like a lot of “successful” people must be constantly focused on the future and on big ideas ect. However, part of me just wants to curl up in certain points in my past and just re-experience. Now I’m thinking I might actually need to do a lot of that. It feels like I have been losing a lot of who I was, what makes me me, and it really bothers me. So I think I might start looking back and this time taking notes.

Society makes it seem like meaningful things are about starting successful companies. Also society has an obsession with super heroes fighting bad guys.  I’m starting to realize I’ve been kind of indoctrinated to value these things as success, instead of things that actually matter to me which might not mean saving the world. Meaningful to me might just mean not forgetting my childhood, hanging out with people that matter to me, waking up early ect. I mean, sure someone could focus on trying to bring order to the warring states of wherever, and I applaud who ever is doing this. However, I also want to realize that people wouldn’t be so messed up if they were happy, and they would be happy if they knew themselves well enough to be happy. Basically I feel the biggest issue in the worl today is corruption and that starts with unhappy unhealthy individuals. Therefore I feel the biggest contribution I can make, is to not be one of those unhappy, unhealthy individuals. Not only for other people, but even just for me. I don’t want to suffer. Why should I hurt myself.

So I’ll go to bed on time, and tomorrow I’ll think more about my past, and the dreams I had while sleeping, and the people I want to talk to. It’s just seeming like my path is more about enlightenment, maybe a bit of healing, and lot’s of spiritual growth, and less about academic or financial achievement or influence.
I’m so glad I decided to just randomly put of youtube videos after coming home from what felt to me to be a lame improve group thing, and almost an hour long walk in getting food on the way back. I feel like all that stuff did something to improve my energy levels. Also before even setting out, I did an hour and a half of work on my neighbors basement renovation, and then a 30min workout in my own basement with weights. Also I ate pretty clean all day, subway for dinner. Also bed time has been before 12 for last few days, also on that zinc again.

Definitely though I need to keep my environment filled with awesome influences! This will give me the energy, meaning, and more knowledge I’ll need in order to grow spiritually which seems to be what I’ve been trying to do.

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