“the grip”, voluntary isolation, ENTP socialization

As an ENTP isolation doesn’t feel very good for me unless I have a reason to be isolated like a goal that requires my 100% concentration. Otherwise, and I’m only recently figuring this out, most of my motivation, most of the time, comes from other people in my environment. To a limited extend this includes virtual company like videos on youtube, and connections to fictional characters from tv shows and books. However, these abstract connections have very defined limitations, they are no substitute for face to face interaction with another person.

I’m gonna start over here. When I was a kid in elementary school I had trouble making friends and although my mom INFJ told me to just find something I enjoy and people would come to me, and this actually worked, it was not a long term solution because:

1) Although I could get into something else which was reading about starsigns(reading about people), there was always something big missing.
2) When kids finally did wonder, oh what is he reading? looks cool! Let’s ask him about it! I thought, wtf, why was I not good enough for you when I actually wanted to be your friend.
3) Iunno what to say for 3, well reading just couldn’t be a long term solution, I’m not an INFJ, I’m not an Introvert. When I actually do things with other people the feeling is just so much better. It’s cool to read about starsigns and MBTI but mostly it’s because of how I can use it in my relationships.

Anyways, I feel like now I realize how important doing activities with others is for me. I mean, I feel like the definition of ENTP is not shut in the basement mad scientist. The basement part is only out of necessity if people don’t get us, or if we are deeply obsessed with something. The basement is not our passion. At least for me, it seems ENTP means:

E = For others
N = Big Picture
T = Goals
P = Possibilities

Or something like that. So the topic of this post is how “the grip” if that’s what I’m going through, is affecting my sociability. It seems that as soon as I’m out of school for even week I get this feeling of isolation. I guess I need more extracurricular which is something I had when I was a kid, which back then it was helpful but not nearly as much as it will be now. Back then I still had 8 hours of school where I obsessed over how to fit, until I eventually did I guess.

The thing about “the grip” I think is that it makes me not want to be around people for some reason, or that that is “the grip”. So I feel like it’s when I don’t have any goals and maybe some people to talk to but who don’t really share my need for goals, I basically feel like I have no outlet for expression. Like I can’t really be me. The only thing that can fix my desire to work with others, is to find others to work with. However, in realizing that I am so desperate to find people to work with, I realize that desperation is a weakness and that people often step on and snub the desperate. On a playground if a kid decides they are going to just read a book, people might approach them about it. However, in real life where no one knows you, it’s far less likely to happen, especially by someone you actually want to have approach you.

So how can this problem be solved, solved meaning my needs are always met, and people no longer look down on me for having those needs. Well for one, and what I did today was I took some time to just relax. I realized that relaxation and meditation are a source of contentment no matter if the person is extrovert or introvert. So I’m never really desperate. Also exercise, eating an sleeping. Being healthy means being well. This is not a long term solution to wanting to actually have fun and enjoyment, however it means I am strong and healthy.

Next I have to look at the philosophy behind wanting to work with people. The philosophy behind why people would ever look down on me or snub me for wanting to do something together. I feel that this is just the doubt that comes from people who don’t understand me and what I have to offer.

Next, the philosophy behind why they should, what I can offer, and how to present it in a way that allows them to connect to me. So it’s socials skills, although not very basic ones in my opinion. More like, “socialization skills”.

So my ideas are mostly take classes and join groups/projects/events. As many as I need. I mean, it’s not like elementary school where groups are run by 5 year olds who wont except you because their parents don’t because I was very loud ect lol. As we have all grown and developed we’ve realized the strengths of one another hopefully and so baring some immature people, I should have no problem. If group work is my natural state, I will excel, and be valued. Sucks that I have to prove myself to be accepted, but actually it doesn’t because I also don’t enjoy working with people who don’t connect with me, understand my goals, ect. Also I might start groups, I guess based on the classes I take and the people I meet as well as other interests I have. Start groups based on ideas I think of because they will be inspiring to others and then others will be joining in my ideas.

So that is how it will work. That’s the harmony. I am passionate about working with others, my challenge is to find others who want to work with me. If I could be really disciplined and just start churning out material to show my worth it would be great but it would have to only be for the sake of advertisement and would have to be based on something I am passionate about which is working with people on stuff and so the cycle goes. Well one thing I’m willing to do is take risks. When I go bowling with my friends I’m willing buy an extra lane to practice on. I’m willing to start uni without being too sure whether I’ll even stay. I’m willing to talk to people I don’t know.  Also I like people enough that I understand how to interact with them and understand humor ect. I’m willing to share ideas people might think are crazy and willing to back them up with logic to show that they are not crazy, or even commit to them in order to show that they can work, without the assurance that others will jump on board, in this way I teach. Basically I’m willing to do what it takes to be able to have fun working with people.

Also I’m trying to surround myself by virtual influences. Mostly youtubers, who talk about things I like listening to. This way I gain energy and motivation, even though they aren’t present, I still gain some. Also I think  want to make vids as well. These youtubers are inspiring me to become an authority on the things I’m interested in, by making videos of the things I discover as I discover them.

 

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