Transition into Art for psychosomatic heath, letting the profound happen on it’s own

I wonder if as a society, and as a race, we are moving towards beauty as being of primary importance. It would make sense if this were the case because, well beauty impacts humanity in many ways. Psychologically, psycho-somaticly, even intellectually and philosophically as beauty carries elements of mathematics and philosophy  both by extension of math and for the epistemological analysis of the function beauty might serve. Iunno, I guess not everyone will really appreciate beauty to the same extent, however, I feel it is one thing that has guided me throughout my life.

I am thinking about this because well, last post I kind of built up argument for focusing on research and idea generation. Also the idea of the focus split between empowerment and exploration. In this post I am thinking that beauty is also a huge factor to focus on. Also I will note now that although I love discovery, I find I am not as motivated to do the searches that lead towards the discovery, or at least, those searches must be efficient, not like, reading half way through a book to decide I don’t like it. Anyways, I feel that what ever I decide to focus on as a daily thing for the joy of it, I should focus on it for intrinsic reasons. empowerment doesn’t really have intrinsic reasons. While it is important, it’s we focus on as needed, not as an end to itself. So I don’t think it makes sense to consciously focus on it, I would have no direction.

Focusing on beauty and exploration however, would be to empower myself to find/create more of those things. So what I’m getting at is that empowerment for it’s own sake is useless. This is why even if you could shoot fireballs out of your wrists, if you had no need to, that source of power would be basically useless beyond a party trick. So I do focus on empowerment, but mostly in that I don’t accept dis-empowerment.

See I have been very attracted to games with beautiful scenery and characters, but for the most part, as far as inspiring characters go, they would have to be both beautiful and powerful. I wouldn’t feel comfortable playing a character who was not taking control of their own destiny. In video games this wouldn’t manifest as a desire to play the character of a hard working man, it would be someone who shoots fireballs out of their hands. This is because the carl jung archetype of hero, which I was trying to live through, fought physical battles. Man or woman didn’t matter as much when it came to playing with the character or watching a movie based on them. All that mattered was beauty and physical prowess, and more so, enough to be the ultimate hope of humanity even. That’s the archetype I think.

However, the more I grew the more I learned about different situations a person may find themselves in beyond the physical challenges. After many years I realize physical challenges are rarely the problem, but that the problem is more broad and more about mind-set. Do you fancy yourself a bad-ass, or a wimp? Can you do anything, or nothing? So focused on positive psychology for the time I was still developing and becoming my idea self at the time. Also I guess my mbti type naturally has a positive can-do attitude but we just realize it’s importance and work on it even more when needed. For me, it’s partly about pride, and self-respect, I need to come to the conclusion that I can do anything, in order to feel best about myself. That I can either do anything, or at least still be happy with myself, respect myself for taking responsibility for myself either way, and therefore see myself as an amazing and inspiring person, even if I fail at some things.

So beyond that which I feel is at a good level for now, I just want to have not simply hobbies, but things that light me up inside, which therefore I am empowered for being able to do. I feel like what kind of discouraged me from art was the idea of the starving artist. It just does not seem too empowering. My earlier solution(many years earlier) was to get a good job and then pay people to make the art. Now though, my solution is for me, art is empowering. If I make art it should be because it’s making my life better than anything else would, not because I just can’t do anything else, or what other reasons are there, therapy, like a persona with emotional problems or a drug addiction needs to paint to get it out. That to me is like, they are victims in their own lives and art is their only escape or something. That’s not my bag, that’s not very inspiring to me, no disrespect for them. For me, I want to make art because it makes me feel even more awesome than I already do which is pretty fucking awesome.

I just feel like an artist who spends most of their time unhappy and just expecting art to solve it, is doing something majorly wrong. Art is not a cure-all thing. I just have this image of a lot of irresponsible artists and that’s like, what people are being shown as what it means to be an artist. Like, if it weren’t for people enjoying their work and paying for it they would be miserable and just accept it. That makes me not want to be an artist because it conflicts with my core value of self-empowerment. It makes me think art can’t be empowering, but at the same time the things I gravitate towards and feel power from the most are mostly artistic. Basically I feel that if I found the right thing to do, working a shitty job wouldn’t feel shitty at all, just like level grinding in wow doesn’t feel as shitty when you are in such a beautiful world in the first place. If I had beautiful things on my mind to think about and get home to, my life would feel more vibrant.

However, do I want to focus on creating something like drawings or music ect? I mean that stuff is good but it often seems like I get almost as much enjoyment from just finding other peoples stuff. However if I do things like film, like music videos, where I am combining stuff other people made, together to express more complex ideas, I find that more valuable in a way. It’s like hacking. Like innovation instead of invention. Putting cool things together to create other cool things. This way what I am doing is enjoyable the whole time because I’m already playing around with something I enjoy, not making something out of nothing. The other idea is film instead of novels because I often see my ideas more than feel them. It’s often more analytical and less about expressing emotion (although I do feel and have emotion to express, even then I feel I find the strongest emotion in the visual and audio content expressing the idea. Although I don’t know, I guess I do have a way with words, I think it’s more about what comes more natural when I am trying to create something. I create things in pictures first, then I can describe them.

Anyways, the thing is, although I love art and beauty, I’m wondering if my focus should be on the nuts and bolts of beauty or on the level of ideas. With AMVs I have the chance to focus more on beautiful ideas where as if I were to focus on just art it would be, well it would be a grind, but also it would limit what I could achieve. I also just realized I could do even more if I got other people to join me in creating something, but that’s another story. Well actually, that would be the same as if I were to do mash ups for music and for other art instead of trying to create everything myself, some of it would be my original ideas, but most could be taken from other inspirations. All the most beautiful features I can find, put together in a way that works.

Also part of my interest in beauty is as it pertains to my own physical appearance as I feel that has a huge impact on other people and it’s really cool how it works. Beautiful language, beautiful fitness, hair, clothes, beautiful way of moving, ect. Then there are beautiful personalities which would include mental efficiency and knowledge ect. I guess all of this stuff would relate to stories and film. Film though also allows for beautiful ideas about what events could happen. Then there is also interior design which I find cool as well. It’s something that actually has a large psychosomatic affect on the individual. It’s something that if I had the money I would make my room look awesome because I want to, and then I could show other people it.

So maybe there is a separation, beauty for psychosomatic purpose, and beauty for emotional-intellectual purpose. Of course movies could combine all of these and more, I just want to note it because one may be more motivating for me.

On my way to the gym I realized that the same way empowerment comes naturally and doesn’t need to be focused on for it’s own sake, I feel the same is true for creating curious things. The universe already creates things that I can explore and find curious. These things come to me, I don’t need to create them, and may not even need to seek them out, not for they’re own sake anyway. It seems they come to me as I search for other things and just go about my life. I just catch on to things as my mind picks up on them.

For example, now I am thinking I should focus my artistic ability on feng shui type things. Psycho-somatic health based art I might call it, iunno. Not to limit myself to feng shui, or even to visual art, just that I feel focusing on what feels good is maybe more important than trying to create so kind of super exciting thing. It’s like, maybe I need to sit back a bit and let the universe do it’s part. I mean, when I create things without trying to make the masterpeice, not only does it give me more motivation to actually create something, but this means more chances that what I create will end up being really cool, without it being cool because I set out to make something cool.

I mean, I almost would rather that. I enjoy it when I surprise myself. It’s more entertaining than if I set out to create something surprising because how can you surprise yourself if that was your goal in the first place. That makes it demotivating, or at least not as fun as if I surprised myself which has happened quite a bit since this blog began. Also if I did something just for the sake of that makes me feel good, I’m thinking it would be a hobby therefore, or something meaningful iunno. Btw this gives even more credit to personalityjunkie who said NPs who write usually do so in a more free flow way and it’s like the universal impulse speaks through them. That’s interesting.

So for example, I decided to read up on zen as apparently steve jobs, another entp, was into the physical side of zen and I can understand why. Then I decided I’ll check out fung shui instead of focusing on just doing what other entps are doing. Then I read that carl jung studied fung shui lol. So I realized, I guess I’m on the right track? Then I remembered my friend msg me today saying he was glad I told him 8 reps was the magic number, because it let him know he was on the right track in the gym cause he just decided to try it.

So what I’m thinking is that just like exercise is like a battery for my mind and it very important to my health, and I realized even simple things like a hot shower make a difference,  maybe that extends to design as well, and maybe if I gained skill in design for areas of my life, if it didn’t translate into a job, it would at least be something that would improve my life by a lot, making it worth the time investment. Also I’d be not as bored, although I still want to do fun things just for fun, with friends.

I feel like a lot of man made things that seem mystical, were not created to be that way, they just are that way because life is that way. Man just made it to promote it’s life. I guess that’s what I should focus on, promoting my life, including the things that make me feel good but with the exceptions of the  the revolutionary or profound things and hoping that maybe those will happen on there own as they often do, and then writing about them here as I do everything else.

It’s almost like setting out to do something remarkable is biting of more than one can chew but that it is something that does add up over time, to become something profound, even though that may not have been the aim. I feel like I do enjoy the awe inspiring things, but that to base my life on that would be inauthentic in that there are just many other things to enjoy. The awe inspiring things will happen on their own and that is half of what is awe inspiring about them.

I just realized that if improving the physical environment is good for psychsomatic health, that may party explain the urge people or at least men, have to be physically dominant in some way, through strength or martial arts or iunno. Or maybe it’s more of an instinctual thing. Or maybe it’s both.

Also I realized that although reading about entp artists I read most gravitate towards music than visual arts. I thought oh no maybe my best bet is to pick up an instrument. No though, I realize, not that I will just follow what my type says, but I already sing. I sing because it feels good, although I do hope one day other people can hear me sing, I will sing regardless because it’s goof for me.

I will end this post with an interesting thought. The crazy idea that maybe human self-consciousness ego ect, is only there so maybe we can learn exactly what we should be doing. Maybe if we new down o the second exactly what we should be doing, we would live our lives without conscious thought. For example, people when driving often just zone out until they reach their destination. Another example would be the “flow state”. However these can’t last because eventually some thing happens like we ge hungry, or we need to do something else, something we haven’t predicted so it doesn’t enter into our work flow. If everything was a part of our work flow, it might be that we would stay in flow state and humans would cease to be conscious in the way we are now, and instead be more like machines, and consciousness would be a separate thing that exists as the observer only. I don’t know, I guess I don’t see this happening because who wants to have everything planned out, and also we need to socialize and I don’t think that is a flow state thing.


MBTI of the Chinese Language: Symbolism:Learning styles

I thought through a bunch of different ways of learning Chinese but I think I’ve settled on etymology because of which

shows the etymology very clearly and how words connect. Through this it is easy to see that Chinese is a language heavily based on symbolism which I think makes it such a rich written language as it contains a history within it’s pictures. As well this makes me wonder if maybe people should try to create another written language of symbols based on the present time. It would be easy to introduce to society if it was done slowly. In fact I think it is already being done especially in electronics with icons for settles universally being represented by a gear, ect. So it is interesting to see these symbols being born in a language specifically for technology, almost as if technology is becoming another level of abstraction.

Anyways, I realized what attracts me to Chinese more than any other language is that it uses symbols that can be understood and are based on something else which will automatically also be understood. I also feel that it is because of my personality type that loves making connections, that I feel so strongly about this language. So I have to hypotheses to make now.

1) That the Chinese writing system was invented by an Intuitive or rational or NP or something like that. Especially since it was started by a more shamanistic sect of Chinese which would most likely be Ns at least.
2) That this type may gravitate towards the language, or otherwise find benefit and growth from it more than most other types who don’t think in the same way.

So my plan for edutainment in learning Chinese now is to learn through etymology, which results in almost instantaneous understanding for me actually, and still not too many words per day, but something, and then review. Should only take 10 min in total, although at the same time it seems more would not be better because I would quickly find my motivation fade. Another thing is I should probably have fun things in Chinese so I might check out and maybe even produce some very short stories with pictures ect, to start of my learning.

So, what I am wondering, is if there are natural ways of developing for each type that people need to follow in order for their lives to be a constant stream of edutainment. Oh, and I could use the Hanzi to make drawings as if the symbols where actually picture components instead of just words. Then i could make scenes with the characters I learn that are based on that history. Or would it be easier to study ancient Chinese history like the very start of the writing and just get into it? Mostly I just want the language as painlessly as possible, for the love of it. Not the money actually because I know I’m money now, if I focus on things like this, like edutainment, in order to empower myself.

10 Characters, form a picture that uses them all in an understandable way
repeat until bored?

I say if I’m learning it because I want to know it, it’s fun, as long as I don’t set a schedule or a due date, AND I think as long as I can use everything I learn as I learn it, not needing to reach some critical max before I can have fun.

Now it seems we are creating a whole other economy based around edutainment. For example, I would love to have cool comics that are graded, but making my own just doesn’t seem like it would be the same. however, I might be motivated by the fact that if I make them, they will exist for others to use, and that I will get practice even if not enjoyable by making them, and other people may join in finally providing me something would enjoy.

Also I think sooner rather than later, I will be familiar enough with the radicals and components that I will be able to guess at the meanings of many other characters from them. At this point if not before, I will easily be able to start reading. In fact, maybe I should start reading, with a dictionary, from the start, and for each unknown, go through and use the etymology to understand the dual meanings of the words. That would kind of bridge the gap between learning and enjoying actually. Then it would be:

Open comic
Look up first character’s etymolgy, 2nd, 3rd, few more
then understand what the first picture in the comic means, and all those characters

Then I can decide, how much time do I want to spend reading a comic every day. I could spend very little time, but if I’m actually interested I guess and hope, it will be more about spacing out the fun.

hmm, the next thing I want to address social gamification and how much more enjoyable that often is for me. So do I really want to read comics, or am I doing it just to learn the language. What do I really want to do. Learn more about the culture? Iunno, I think I wanna do cool things with people, like play mtg, and therefore that is what I should be trying to do in Chinese. The exchange of ideas, through Chinese. Give and take.

Also, names are good. If I come up with ideas for cool characters or stories or ideas, I would want them to have cool names. Chinese would be great here because the characters that make up names have meanings behind them so I could use those add significance to my ideas. I could just come up with characters ect for fun, and then just title them based on Chinese characters that relate to them. Then since they would be based on etymology, there would be an instant absorption of those names.

I though of this because in MTG, one of the things that I like the most are the names. Even in English, the names have specific qualities. I just think that in Chinese there is a whole other level to that.

Ah, ok, I got it. sure I can learn something like 10 hanzi, but I need to retain it. Even a good movie isn’t full retained. To retain it there has to be rehearsal. In order to want to do the rehearsal it needs to be fun. In order for it to be fun it needs to either be social things, or, interesting things. Especially since hanzi are smaller concepts they are more easily forgotten especially when many are learned. This bad if they aren’t interesting. Good if they are, because if they are, rehearsal would basically mean being able to enjoy it again without being tired of it as fast. So basically what I think I should do is focus on learning and recording only interesting hanzi AND words, and then being able to review for enjoyment. Also, if it does become fun, there will be more of a motivation to not get tired of it by learning all at once. I will be naturally more conservative. So the only real work will be in collating the interesting Hanzi. So since this is work, that means I can provide other people with the fruits of this work as well, at least those who share my taste.





I walked into my local game/comic book store to meet interesting people and learn of new and intersting things. I saw a bunch of guys playing Kaijudo. They were ver friendly and quickly introduced me to the game and let me play a few rounds. Then they got me some promostional decks that were free and I played with those. Then they told me about a legue they are starting and something they are doing tommorow. I thought wow what a nice group of people. If only I found the game interesting.

So I started to reflect on why I find Magic interesting but not Kaijudo. It comes down to a few very important concepts.

Art Work – The art work in magic the gathering is so much more advanced, the art work in kaijudo is cartoony by comparison, imo.

Linguistics – The choice of language is far richer in magic as they make may references to history, myth, and ideas from many realms of social sciences, health sciences, botany, ect.

Then for stuff like creature tokens, and dealing damage anyways you chose, and over a certain number of turns, omg it could get real with calculus ect. This could turn into a whole other game based even more solely on math skill but it would probably be intensely fun. If this is possible, if there is a way to make a math game that is actually fun, then even if I don’t get rich, everyone who plays it will be amazing in school and life. That is the kind of thing I want to focus on. Not drudgery.

Lore – the story hinted to through artwork, lore text, and other elements of the cards is also extremely rich

Perceived significance – The sum of the above three aspects and maybe others I haven’t even mentioned is a game is at the same time, an education, especially through the curiosity it provokes in those interested, those who feel the pull towards the powerful ideas the cards are based on.

Kaijudo cannot compare in these aspects and this is I think the reason I can’t get into it.

What I can do is continue analyzing what makes games like these, and other games in general, good. For instance, it seems most of the top selling games from larger companies make sure to have these elements in place in one way or another. They make sure the ideas behind them are as intellectually stimulating as the actual game, if not more. For instance most FPS these days are heavily based on real military combat meaning the player gets an immerse education in this field. Then there are games like starcraft where even though it is based on the future and on aliens, it makes sure to be brimming with technical concepts beyond game mechanics. I feel the element of learning is, well it’ important to me at least.

So if I were to make a game, I would probably focus at least a much on the ideas as on the game play, and I would go as in-depth as possible, as I feel the further in-depth you go, the more immerse the experience. What I wonder is what the limit to this is. I feel like Eve online is pushing this limit for sure. They obviously make sure there are ways to play that are immerse but avoid any dullness that rea life would have. I mean, could people be taught mathematics in Eve with the hope of using it to affect that world? Or would that be too immersive? I mean, is the enjoyment of the game in the removal of tasks that are too challenging, or is it about the world itself. See I wonder, is anyone using complex mathematics to help them in the game? Also, if the game introduced a way to level that involved mathematical manipulations on an in game screen with a really fancy design for the numbers and everything, would that remain immersive? Or would it be like snapping back to reality and not fun. Adding and subtracting is boring as shit if someone just hads you a piece of paper and says do it for 30 and hour. However, if it’s for the sake of a game it’s no problem. Same with reading. If it’s for a game I’m sure people would be willing o even learn a new language to take part.

Basically I think learning takes place best when there is a world that you want to get involved in but the only way to experience it is to jump through educational hoops. I mean, learning magic the gathering I’m pretty sure was were my reading comprehension really took off. However, it wasn’t like the game worked on a work reward basis. I think the pictures just made me want to know what the words meant, and then the words made me want to know the concepts and or history behind them. I can see this working with Chinese characters. For one, people already are probably curious about the artistic lines ect of the characters, but memorizing would be beyond their level of motivation. However, at least for some people, if there was a card game or some other sort of collectible item that paired curiosity peeking pictures with a Chinese characters or sentences that were related to them in a powerful way, I could see people wanting to know at least the meaning behind those characters.

Ways to do this

Beautiful Photographs/Art + characters

Possibly sexy and mysterious pictures/Art + characters

Photos/Art + small blurb with a few words changed to characters and characters as a title, then a legend that allows the person to make sense of the blurb. Or even make the legend a separate card. Or make it a puzzle where multiple(maybe just a few) cards are needed to piece together the meaning of a story, which makes them collectible in that way.

Or it could be short stories in general, with pictures, and collectible, and with a legend for figuring out the 10-20 words that are in each case written in Chinese.

That’s for languages, it would work amazingly well the more people got involved with their own ideas to collaborate on creating something. As well it can be given importance in another way by making it actually all related to some aspects of daily life. Either humor, or gossip, ect. So basically it could even be comic strips, but they would have to be organized around a specific set of vocabulary and graded so that everyone can start from a beginning or some starting point and work through learning as they enjoy.

Another way I’ve thought this could be done is take a comic book in English, and use whiteout over 10 frequently used works and write over them, or glue an printed out tag, of the Chinese for them. Then read the book with a legend to refer to at the start until you get those words down cold. Or maybe no legend or only some words in legend and just learn the words through context. Or do the opposite with comics that are only in Chinese write English over all of it except the word you want to learn, or write enligsh over key words and try to understand the rest through context.

Or someone could edit all online comics to make this an option for anyone looking to learn the language.

Now, that is for languages, and to make it even more of a game you could make it social online by letting people test their knowledge of what they learned and then get a score based on how many words they learned. That just bridges the gap between beginner and intermediate in terms of motivation so that people will be more likely to read for the learning as well as the story instead of just getting it translated for them. Of course this is assuming the comics are original otherwise they would be the ones to not even try the learner’s verision.

For math it might be a bit more tricky, but it would be basically some aspect of entertainment that already involves using math, and just add more math in without making it too boring? For example, if instead of the creatures having an integral power and toughness and spells integral damage, the damage they deal could easily be written as a formula the player has to solve, or even roll the dice to see which question of which page of the math book to complete to solve for damage. If the cards were printed this way, I think it would arouse curiousity for players so that without trying to solve the problem they would at least study the problem to get a general idea of how much damage would be dealt so they would know if it’s a lot or a little. As well, the numbers to plug into the formula could be based on number of swamps in control + number of swamps in casting cost of all creatures, ect, to keep people from just memorizing the number for the cards. Or even a more randomized way or doing it, like dice rolls with a computer generating dice. ect. The formulas would have to require some form of transformation to make sure it isn’t just a calculator plug and chug. However this may be too tedious and take to long for every turn, if this is the case maybe the math needs to become a more integral part of the game without sacrificing story and art elements ect. However, it would be fun if the players were then given a very high number of life, with the possibility that a card would come down dealing close to infinite damage. Then the players would have to constantly be thinking of way more complex equations so they could form their strategy to avoid that, and it would be based on the card formulas, plus other aspects of the board plus their hands, plus probability. It would be more complicated but I think it would also be far more competitive and therefore possibly far more fun.

If I were to do this I would need quite a few people working on it. We copy an existing game model almost exactly except for this to save time. How about it, do you want to compete based only on strategy and on who can add and subtract, or do you wanna take things to the next level. I feel that one of the only ways math works well in games is when it is related to competition, but maybe it could somehow work with other things as well like mystery or an adventure book. The math would have to be integrated enough that the answers wouldn’t be available online. Also the story and/or other elements would have to be top notch if this is to be a solo game. I mean, I guess I can see this working in rpgs if the swords damage is an equation instead of just a number, but maybe a lot of people would just do trial and error if they find it too taxing. Or it could be that there are time savers like avoiding battles ect, but they require the use of higher math skills.

For some reason I feel the best way to use math is when it is focused directly on the persons chance of winning, in a strategic situation. In this way because we feel a very primal relationship between quantity and winning vs losing, so it makes sense that where the quantities can vary more greatly and are more mysterious and unpredictable without higher math, I feel it should increase excitement.
If the cards were actual lcd screens instead of just cards, it would mean even more possible variation in card attributes from game to game. Also instead of MTG requiring set expansions, the attributes could just be downloaded from online every few months.

Infact, I wouldn’t even have to make new cards yet, I can just shove sticky in the shield with each card and the title would be something like Insane mode ect. Of course, when introducing it to new players I would have at most 2 decks and I would have a legend for the new formulas on each. Also the rule could be no using a pen to actually calculate these, you have to just know what the formula is doing and then estimate. You only get to calculate after the damage is dealt. That way more time is spent understanding the math under pressure, and less time is spent actually calculating. Rounds are already time limited so I guess there’s no need to limit turn times, just be fair I guess, no running up the clock.

As well, the math can become increasingly complex in each new expansion. For instance, if the next expansion introduced powers only, as a way of writing attack power, like 2^2/2^2 as a attack power, kids would quickly learn what that meant. WTF hasn’t anyone thought of that yet??? Then it could even be a new type of spell that involves all the crazy new formulas to start with, almost like a taste of what many cards may have in the future. Or maybe since people will say, why didn’t they just put 4 instead of 2^2, well maybe it would have to be 2^w where w = number o white mana, obvious cause it say w. So if the card as 2w/2w and someone destroys all your white mana, that card will die because it will be 2 x 0/ 2 x 0.

So Basically I feel the only way edutainment works, is where the new math or language actually enhances the game play. Chinese looks cool so it kind of pays for itself t have a bit of it in a game or book and absorb it slowly. Basically the math works if I find the areas that depend on the understanding of math and numbers to make it fun, and add more to the math.

I realize I enjoy simplifying my ideas to make them more easily actionable for me. I just narrowed it even further so that I just have enchantments that have functions that effect the numbers of any other spell you play. I could even narrow it further and say it’s those new cards called conspiracies, that way they don’t even have to be real cards basically lol. Maybe that’s taking it too far but a conspiracy could say your creatures power = Pw^w and toughness  =  Tw^w, however, that shrinks the number of cards that will be interesting and I feel this shrinks the richness of the mod.

I just realized, the most important thing to me is learning and that if I can’t enjoy my learning (endutainment) that is the most dis-empowering thing. If three years ago when I started learning mandarin, I enjoyed it all the way through until now I would be bilingual. However I was stuck in the situation of not enjoying it and that is why back then, I didn’t succeed. I tried to go to fast, and I tried to put productivity before enjoyment. Languages are not learned by memorizing, they are learned by enjoying things through them. I feel the same thing should be for anything else. It should be through enjoyable use and enjoyable results of that use, that any subject should be learned. Now I see why khats of ajatt(probably entp) had so much success and worked so hard on getting the fun in Japanese. He figured out + learned from antimoon, that enjoyment was key.

I will apply this to my life in general. First of all I will try to focus only on learning things I authentically want to learn, (chinese for example), then I will focus on making it fun if it isn’t already. For chinese I think the best way is through tumblr, characterize, I want to start using a comic book method soon, and learning and creating funny stories to learn the hanzi(I will check out koohi and make a deck of only very funny stories and learn  them maybe just 10 a day, and whatever ones I get tired of get deleted. Its fun first. I may use some of my own stories if they are funny enough that I would share them with other people, and maybe I will share them which will make them stick even better. I’ll focus on enjoyable learning of what I want to learn, first. Maybe through in a mtg mod or something else if I get a itch to revolutionize learning for myself ect.


Politics of the Passionate

 Wow, I thought I was finished but I’m not. Making a living is about people supporting you, because they support what you bring to the table. So either you believe in what you want to bring to the table, either fitness, or psychology, or whatever,  or you let other people decide what is important to you. It’s a lot like the SJ(not to say it’s only SJs or all SJs who are the issue) I had to deal with a few days ago. Do I decide to just follow the orders of the outspoken, in fear that I might be ostracized for being myself, or do I fight for what I feel is every persons right, the right to not be disturbed by someone who I feel really doesn’t give a shit about me or most people, and is content to just take what they want in life. Then do I keep silent, or do I make sure I am at all times being authentic with my views, especially my views on what I feel is important in life, authentic in what I feel is my gift to humanity, what I feel I should be supported to do.

So now I’m thinking(also based on something from personalityjunkie, that I need to be a bit more courageous when it comes to these things. I mean, I guess it’s easier to say now that I feel by following my functions in order will give me a strong productive direction in life, still, thinking about that SJ wakes me up even more because he was like a microcosm of everything I should be fighting against. Not to say it’s either me or him, just to say he thinks and he speaks for everyone in the cafe when he tells me I should do what he says, well I speak for me, and I say, I speak for everyone as well when I say I should not do what he says.  Who is right. I am pretty sure if it came down to a vote and we ignored who was more charismatic at the time it would not be unanimous. Some people would have thought I was being rude, some would have realized they wouldn’t like to have been approached that way either. Without my vote, the cafe becomes polarized in his direction. He spoke for everyone, so in a way he removed the freedom of everyone by there silence(although most were just not paying attention, I’m saying hypothetically) However, if I disagreed, I introduce a second view. Not that I want to win, just that I think I shouldn’t be forced to lose. That is what I believe in in those scenarios.

That is a microcosm of our society where in we have people wanting to work jobs that express what they think is the highest value they can offer others, and we have people working towards things mostly for themselves and who would rather the first people to just submit and work for them, and we have most people just in the middle undecided. As more people from the side of authentically working for others decide to go that route, there will be less people working for the side that works for themselves. As this happens, the undecided in the middle will also have to more further divide their support between the two sides. See, the people who work so they can share with others, really have nothing to lose because they are working for others, and inspired by what they can find, and give, they win by doing and by giving away based on their beliefs. They are therefore an unstoppable force if they decide they will all focus on giving. The ones that focus on taking, are the most unstable because they only win if they are gaining something for themselves. They win by doing and by taking. The undecided in the middle find solace in both sides. By receiving from the takers who give on the condition that they are supported in their taking, and by receiving from the givers who they are inspired to give back to if they are moved to believe in what they are receiving.

The takers make their choices fast. It’s not that they don’t have anything to offer, it’s just that they do it in a very yang way. They create order but it is order based on themselves. It is Machiavellian in that way. On the other hand the givers at this point in history in this society are being swayed more often by the takers BECAUSE most of the undecided are swayed by the takers BECAUSE the givers are still growing into their understanding of their place in the world and are not offering any alternate path. This is slowly changing as people now spend more on average on entertainment (and I’m guessing on soul searching as well) than ever. I believe it IS getting easier for people to follow what they believe in an make a difference and be supported. I just think it’s happening so slowly that the givers are getting scared that no one is going to catch them if they jump for it.

See it seems like for me having Fe as my tertiary function, I am more inclined to go with the flow of things(for the sake of social harmony), but then regret it later. However, that is only until I realize that doing so is actually worse for social harmony or at least for myself, than being authentic in my disagreement from the start. It seems all the NFs I know instead chose to go for what they believe in first, and only do what they have to in the mean time to support those wants. For me, as I said last post, I had been going based on Si, and also I think to a lesser and more big picture degree, Fe. Si for Moving towards stability by choosing the hard sciences and Fe by moving towards social harmony by aiming for a job with some company somewhere instead of striking out on my own, or maybe it’s Fe for deciding I need to make as much as the average person so I don’t feel like a loser, or Fe making money for future wife and family. So, it’s not that I should try to become an Fi user, although iunno how those work, maybe I am using it somehow.

What I need to do is go Ne for finding what is important to me, Ti (which I’ve been using to argue for why it’s important) for learning about it and developing and executing ideas, Fe for sharing those ideas with others, Si to stay healthy and if absolutely necessary do the most menial job in the mean time(which would depend on circumstances like how much money I need coming in to do what I want(the meaningful things I guess, + the fun, how many people do I need to support, ect) So if I am interested in starting a family then I’ll do what it takes to support one, but I’m not going to make that my priority when I’m not an Fe dominant. Nor will I go out searching for a girlfriend/wife, for the same reason. Nor will I do what some guy says for fear of being ostracized for standing up for what I believe in when I know I would not be happy with the alternative. That’s just compensating for an inflamed Si probably, even when it’s about loneliness, it’s the Si I think. Fe is about harmony outside the self, Si is about how you feel inside which would include extroversion needs and general well being needs of company. I guess sometimes I could fee pressured enough to use my Fe to please others for the sake of my Si, but that is moving backwards. The right way for me, is Ne seeing ideas that help people, Ti understanding how they work and implementing them for the sake of Fe’s desire for that harmony and Si feeling good about the chemical release that comes from making the world a better place.


The Proper Ordered Use Cognitive Functions

Use of cognitive functions In order(according to

1) Ne to discover and come up with new ideas

2) Ti to make sense with of them and even act on them

3) Fe to share the results of the first two with others

4) Si to stay healthy and weighted integration of how rewarding the first three were?

5) Repeat

The reason I put repeat as a step is because I can think of events where the major cognitive process starts with something other than Ne like for instance Si, including this whole blog, but an even more interesting example is when I got kicked very hard a tae kwon do class.

Here is the process for that, in the order that it happened:

1) Si It hurts, I can’t even

2) Ne Am I dying? I could have done so many other things with my life, I have so many other options

3) Ti I’m quitting after this, why would I subject myself to something like this

4) Fe I wonder how everyone else feels about me on the ground crying out it pain

and the process for creating this blog

1) Si I feel like I have nothing going on in my life, I’m wasting away and have no freedom

2) Ne What should I do with myself, I’ll explore all the things I could be interested in, as well as myself
3) If I chose this path, what would happen, how do I feel, is this good for my personality type and why

4) I’ll put this online so other people can benefit

VS out of order

1) Si I need a job so I can have a life and have freedom

2) Si I’ll do what everyone else is doing

3) Ne ok now that I’m here, what can I enjoy about this

4) Te hmm, transistors?

5 )Fe “hey, I’ve been doing some cool stuff at school that I don’t really find interesting and don’t feel like even sharing…”

This is out of order because I use Si for feeling like I need to do something, but then I guess I kind of use it to choose the path as well, just choosing based on what I see other people doing and that might have been interested only as I never did it before.

What to use Ne on:

So what I am realizing is that even if I’m isolated, if I am using Ne to explore, it seems I will always be occupied. The trick is to decide what to use Ne to explore, so I took a top down approach to philosophically determine what is important and I came out with:
1) I could focus on social work/policy/ helping people who are victims basically, but I hope in time there will be no victims, and then what job would I have wanted

2) Technology, but I hope eventually there would be no need for technology, at least not as much for health and basic survival reasons, and then what

3) Exploration, especially of life and self and others. As well, I feel like exploration of these things is really one of the main things that kept me going, as well I feel that doing so in these areas will help us overcome the suffering of 1) and to some extent 2).

Philosophy on the possible effectiveness of this method:

I read a comment on personality junkie that was meant for infps or infs or even just nfs, but it was basically about doing what you believe in and a career will present itself. I kind of think that nfs of at least ones strong fi are more inclined to have one main interest like music or something that they are sure they would like to make a career out of. However I feel like NTPs may have less of a singular direction but that if we have a general idea of where we want to head in terms of the bigger picture. I feel it’s about exploration of the big picture and more likely for ENTPs it’s also about acting on discoveries with vision.

I wonder though if all ENTPs really want the same thing, have the same bigger picture, and just get veered off course at some point, or if it really is that we all have different but most likely related big pictures of what we want. I mean, I know some entps are super passionate about computers where as I am not. Is it because they grew up around them and gained aptitude faster, were encouraged, are more focused on money, see computers as the big picture lol, ect? On the other hand is me and I’m way more into the philosophy and psychology and spiritual side of life. Is it nature or nurture and if it is nurture, is it wrong, should it be altered? Either way I feel my focus on the big picture is at the expense of discipline and focus on one area, especially one  have less interest in.

I feel like the more social sciences, even though they seem to be gaining in popularity, will be the last economic revolution to take place because until that point, most people are still focused on material possessions and living longer. Another example that I guess is less introspective but because of this it relates to more personality types is the fitness industry. This industry is really about personal growth and it’s fairly new, however it is becoming fairly influential. Meditation and things like that are also gaining traction. I feel like the longer a history a culture has, the more relevant these things become so places like China and India and places with a strong native influence would have more experience with it than places like North America. At the same time, the North American influence is so strong that it is kind of distracting new generations of other countries from these activities, but as it quickly matures, it is finding the usefulness of the health things. Mean while, as it matures as a super power, other already matured countries have taken a step back to rebuild their foundations based on the new standards set by the super power.

I could be that being raised by two f type parents influenced me more towards spiritual and holistic things, however, I feel it is more likely in my genes that I understand the importance of those things and gravitate towards them. It could be that I know better than anyone else what we should be focusing on, but I feel more likely that it is that I know what is better for me as both a personal focus, and what I can contribute to others. Among my friends I am definitely an authority on fitness and maybe even becoming one on psychology as well.


Anyways, I feel if I did take this route or the larger one of human development and life ect, it might not be enough to just start a fitness blog, or to become a personal trainer. I might have to go through all the cognitive functions, Ne explore, Ti reflect on new information, Fe share, and Si take care of myself + judge if what I’m doing is still fulfilling.








After meeting up with friends: ENTP: Relationships > Industry & Self-Empowered = Take responsibility you social life

Or maybe philosophy is what has been saving me this whole time, and I should give it more
of a focus. It seems to me that even if I was rich, if I didn’t have the type of
relationships I wanted, I wouldn’t be happy. There is just no substitute. On the other hand
if I was poor but had amazing friends, including a hot gf, I would be very happy. I mean
I would still probably want to focus on self-improvement but it’s no subsitute for
relationships for me. I think what has been happening often is some of those relationships
will go sour and I will rationalize it as I am depending on those people and they are
not depending on me so I am the loser if things go bad, and if I need them then I must
defer to them and they will make more money than me and they will get the girls that
I want, and I should just be happy that they are doing me the favour of being my friend.

heh, maybe one to many istjs or something, Iunno. See I feel like my most authentic
self is not bringing something to “the market” but bringing something to society as a whole,
which they wont even look at unless they know me and have the connections. It makes it
seem like I don’t have any power. If I was good at something that was needed in the market
already, something people pay for already, then I would make money. However, if my
true interests don’t fall in market areas I wouldn’t be bein authentic. Therefore I would
not be free, even if I was making money. I wouldn’t be free until I was doing what I
really wanted, and maybe not even until I was being paid for it, showing that people really
do appreciate what I have to offer. If it’s just volunteer for something I feel is deserving
of payment I will probably feel undervalued.

So it seems th most authentic thing for me is to get involved with other people. Basically
althought I like my independance, it seems the way I want to express it is by being
apart of something. Now, does that make me inherently disempowered? I feel that depends
on a few things. One is my attitude towards meeting new people and in what I become
involved in. I can see it from a point of desperation where I NEED to fit in with
these people no matter what, to feel good. This way I give all my power away to them and
if they don’t respect me I’ll just take it. That is bad. The other way is to say, my goal
is to make relationships that are mutualy benificial and where we both want to help each
other because we both like each other, and I wont except anything less, so if I can’t
have that with you, I will move on to find someone for whom I can. This way it is
way healthier, not desperate, and it means two people becoming friends through the
non-desparate intrestin in enjoying life and making good things(including money) happen,
but not willing to settle for relationships that don’t include a mutual respect and

If my enjoyment in life comes from being involved in projects with people
that only really becomes disempowering if the people I want to be involved with, don’t
want to be involved with me. This way it becomes like it was throughout elemenary and junior
high school. If I decide that I am looking to do cool things with people that respect me,
and who I respect, and only that, then there is no way it will be disempowering. It’s
all or nothing. I either get the good relationships, and the money, and the fun, or I
just keep searching. That is my job. I’m not a begger, I’m not a scavenger, I’m just
someone who knows what makes them happy, and I am happy even just knowing I am going
for it, instead of something I’m not happy going for.

See if life for me were mainly about being a super hero cyborg, then ofcourse I would be
focusing on that. However, I feel people are more important to me than that, which
is what makes it so inauthentic to try to be that person who goes for that. It’s like
I’m wishing I was that person who only wanted to be super powerful, BECAUSE I think it’s
not ok to want friends, but because in reality I do want friends, I am unable to enjoy
working towards that vision.

To be authentic would be to decide to focus on making new friends, and working with cool
people. To be empowered, is to accept that it may not work out, but also to accept that
you wont stand for anything less than the love and respect you want from people and people
you love and respect, and goals you love and respect. It’s All or nothing. No settling.

I’ll just restate he importance of my value, in my area of passion, actually being useful
enough that I feel fulfilled in my contribution and as well that others are actually
helped as much as I feel they are. and useful enough that people gladly pay. I think I
stated this already, but yeah, I think if it’s the most important thing to me, it will be
worthy of payment.

Now, I did after all, realize this perspective through, well for one it was through
meeting up with a friendI hadn’t seen in years, as well as other friends I would call
closest in a way. However it is also based on my desire to make a living. HOWEVER,
more importantly it is based on my desire to make a living, and work up to making a living,
in an enjoyable way, and for me, this means working with other people I like, towards
something that affects us all (or maybe even just affects them) in a way I like. This is why
I don’t play videogames by myself. I need to know I am entertaining someone or teaching
someone or inspiring someone, ect, otherwise I see no point in improving my skill level.

I mostly don’t stick to learning something unless I’m in school with other people I get to
interact with every day.

So anyways, if I want to be all or nothing , focusing on finding cool people to do things
I believe in with, that poses the questions, should I not change myself to become more
valuable to others so they are more willing to work with me? I think no so far. For one,
because would I want to hang out with someone if I have to meet some criteria that is not
myself before hand? I mean, it’s not like I’m not interested in anything, I am still a
person. I just feel like I am not as interested in STEM and more interested in Social
Sciences and fun and intellectually stimulating fun at that. So I should find people
who r like me, and we can build each other up. If I was the only one like me, then I
guess I would not have these ideals to work towards in the first place so that is my basis
for dismissing even further, the idea that I am becoming less independant. I am no less
independant, I am just, as an independant, deciding to meet other people who I connect with
an building a bright future with them.

Then there is the question, well what if there are four of us and we come together to
do something cool? Then what? If it’s not marketable, do we get to eat?
Well here is to hoping that getting enough of us together to create something
will mean creating something amazing and if not marketable(because I’m not really interested
in the market) Will change the world somehow, not to mention some of the people I connect
with, may be already in many different areas in society, pursuiing their passions as well
and already stable, and connecting with me would just mean me adding even more to them
and their areas.

What all this means is… some people might be able to do cool things on
their own, and not need to work with anyone else to get a good job ect. Then there is me
and if I had to survive I guess I would do anything, but while that isn’t the concern I
feel like I am hard pressed to pretend it is when I think I can do even better, if only I
could find people willing to work with me. So who is willing?

From now on, maybe I will seek out people who will actually feel excitement in working with
me. Not people who might hire me. I have to do better, for a career, and for life. I will make
myself visible to the people who would respect me. Who support me because they believe in my
interests and goals and ideas.

Thoughts Before meeting friends: Focus on person security, Math

I want to feel empowered and I wonder if math can do that more than just writing can.
I mean, it’s my Si wanting career security but maybe even more so it’s wanting
independence. To the extend that a super hero would have although I don’t mean I
want to be super in that no one else has what I have, just that I think we should all
strive to be empowered.

I feel like I learned math in college only to pass tests, and even more so only
for that specific field, not for the greater purpose it could serve in my life.

I do find myself using math in my life, to the extent that I have knowledge, and
beyond that I wonder about what could be explored if i knew more. For instance, if
algorithms the body is based on can be seen in the physical manifestation. Math seems
like the quantitative half of philosophy to me actually. I have been exposed to
and developed the qualitative side in my life very well, but it seems the world
is moving in a way were qualitative study is more important. Or at least in my life,
at least with my Si, it is.

I also think, maybe what I should be focusing on is exploration in general and that
exploration is where a lot of the biggest wealth comes from, especially for someone
like me who can then make connections. What to explore though? Technology would be good
but maybe I’m just a bigger picture person but I feel like math is more interesting as
it applies to everything, where as technology is technology first. Just a tool.

People say math is a tool, and maybe it is, but beyond that I think math exists
as part of reality,even if only in that we perceive quantity, it’s important because
our perception of quantity is how we survive and a large part of how we experience

Part of me also feels like maybe if I felt a greater sense of belonging, no matter
what the field, I would feel far more secure. Is that a good thing though? I wonder
because I would only be as secure as I was a part of the community which from experience
things happen, its not absolute. It might net me a job, but would I feel completely empowered.
I have for the longest time had the fantasy of empowerment through personal power. Although
I realize I do use a lot of what society offers, not to mention my love of people.
I just wonder if my Si could be fulfilled if say I joined a writers society and could
make a living as a writer, or would I still feel like something is missing without
being able to say I could make it actually on my own.

Like john Crichton. I feel like maybe I wouldn’t be fulfilled unless I become
super human and becoming superhuman would depend more on my mind than on physical
powers, and that I need at least equally strong qualitative and quantitative power
and they both need to be very strong. It’s kind of like yin and yang. Just like
Ne and Si are like yin and yang.

I guess it is possible that I actually could do a lot more if I just focused
more on philosophy and actually read more of what they have to say, searching, asking
specific questions, and gathering knowledge. However, It seems like philosophy can only
go so far in the physical world and is mostly about perspective. I guess it is possible
to discover things about the world, that could be converted in to a quantitative thing,
but why should I limit myself when math exists already and I sometimes find it interesting.

Magic the Gathering vs Programming: Perceived value of learning material and it’s effect on motivation

Reduced perceived value by division

If you want to get someone interested in programming, one of the best ways to do that is to teach them the simplest program that runs and produces something useful. A good example is the “hello world” program. When people realize they have just made a program that communicates, it’s an empowering feeling. What is not an empowering feeling however, is to start off by teaching them about characters, ascii, bits, bytes, the compiler, ect. Not empowering because it doesn’t teach them anything actionable, that will feel valuable. My philosophy of this is that even if you know how important bits an bytes are, the mind is geared towards what is useful to it in the present. What is most useful, most valuable, most cutting edge. On the other hand if you try to teach them a full program for a game right off the bat, that will also be dis-empowering for two reasons, one is that it will take a long and frustrating time to learn something useful, and two I will explain it the next segment. Maybe we just have a natural sense of how long we should spend learning something, what is a suitable amount of time to spend to gain something valuable, what is efficient.

In Magic the Gathering, everything is an object. A card, with a few lines of text maximum that can do something. Cards like mana, and attackers and direct damage spells are like functions like hello world, and adding two numbers together. They are obvious value objects. When I was a kid, those were the cards I wanted when I started playing because to me, those felt easiest to start having fun with. I feel programing works the same way. Then you have cards that effect the other cards in play and you realize the value of those cards. At the same time, you are getting a feel for the whole game through these cards and realizing what is a good card, a bad card, what will and wont work. Eventually you will start thinking, I wish I could have a card that did this or that, then I would win, ect. That would be the development of motivation for a beginning programmer as well. So basically I feel like programming shouldn’t even be taught line by line. They should be taught function by function, object by simplistic object. Then slowing things should be combined together creatively and strategically to create new things. Then eventually the basic logic will sink in and the person will think, it would be cool if the function did this instead, only as it’s a program and not cards, they will be able to do that, and have the background to know what to do.

Reduced perceived value by summation

I realized when I try to follow tutorials, I feel inspired around the beginning when they show one thing, one function and how it works. I follow the instructions and create the same function and get it to work and I understand exactly how it works and it’s cool. How ever, as they try to teach further by building onto that same module, I find that understanding takes more and more effort as all these things are being introduced as part of the whole instead of shown in isolation first. Not only that, but seeing them as only parts of the whole, shows them in a light of being only useful as part of that whole, instead of as valuable as individual entities. Therefore, the more things are taught in this way, the less I will feel I am actually learning. For example, you learn how to print out hello world. Your first program amazing. Then you learn how to print hello world in a window based on inputted data, just for example. The detracts value from both of those ideas when they are introduced as one whole. It would have been better to introduce the idea of imputing data separately. The inputting co-ordinates separately, then showing a window, separately, ect then putting them all together.

In Magic the Gathering, we are not introduced to the game by someone handing us a deck. At least not as kids, at least not for me. For me, I saw a blue mana, and a few other cards and said wow wtf is that? What does that say? Tap for mana? What is mana? What does this thing do? If someone handed me a full deck, I’m thinking I would explore it card by card and try to play with maybe a few cards only, like I did at the beginning as I was only given like 5 or 6 cards by a friend. I study each card individually and then try to use two of them together to make something happen, then I get more cards and add them and try to explore and make more things happen. At the same time, kids would be telling me, this is a “good card”, this is a very good card, This card might seem like it sucks but you need it for this card, ect. So you realize all the cads have a kind of intrinsic value, instead of it being just one big deck. I feel that programming should be taught as separate functions. I mean,  feel each concept or function introduced should be introduced in isolation in it’s most basic usable form, so it’s value can be understood better and therefore learning it would be more motivating.

What I’m doing

So what I realized is that these tutorials for pygame were just going to far without enough introductions and so I decided not to completely scrape what I was working on, but to kind of take out anything besides the minimum viable product and then slowing work in more things. I feel like sometimes I get ahead of myself, trying to create something new without having enough background at it just makes me feel nauseous because I know deep down that I’m just wasting time. It just get’s to me because I feel like maybe all the smart programmers learned everything just by being smart lol, and that unless I try to emulate that and basically reinvent programming, I would be any good. I actually feel that’s one of the bad ideas I learned from my college professors, like if I don’t want to learn this way maybe I don’t like real programming and just want to copy. However, not only does that seem silly when I think about it but since it’s not fun at all for me to think about it, I might as well not go about learning that way. Sure these programming languages were developed by people over time, but that doesn’t mean beginners should feel obligated to do the same thing.

I am working with pygame creating plat formers and I’m going to have a look at most of the needed functions and concepts in isolation first, as created by someone else, and then work on putting them together to make something interesting. I mean, I might have to follow tutorials, but I’ll just take out every function they introduce and try it out in isolation first. Btw I feel like I find the physics engines in game programming to be interesting. Not sure why that is, I guess my Ne sees the possibilities for alternate physics realities and find it interesting. It gives me a sense of power as well, but maybe it’s the Ti can sense that something like a physics engine is empowering for me to grasp, even if without the financial potential, and it’s motivating. I mean, I like music, but you would think I would get more psyched up about creating a killer song and want to experiment with music all the time but it obviously doesn’t work that way. It doesn’t feel constructive enough for me and I feel that could be my Ti talking. So I feel like I have this need to do something constructive. I feel I have always had that, and remember my first time feeling basically euphoric over a k’nects set as a kid. I mean, I guess I could feel a similar feeling from running a business but why go through all that trouble when I don’t have to. I also wonder why I’m less interested in mechanical engineering and stuff like that but I’m guessing that stuff is less cutting edge and also harder to get into than programming. Even my university classes mostly psychology don’t feel very constructive to me and therefore not as much fun. I feel like maybe the reason why I feel bored is that I need something constructive but am finding so much discouragement from lack of social atmosphere in the areas I’d like to construct in, as well as discouraging teaching methods by teachers who don’t understand/remember what a beginner enjoys.



Would everyone be more empowered if they suddenly loved Math?

Note: Maybe replace “math” with “programming” in most instances, even the title. Although I feel in programming some teachers do encourage trying to do things a different way, I feel it doesn’t reach all who would benefit.

Both magic the gathering and programming use a lot of the same logical way of thinking. The obvious difference is programming is way more in depth while magic the gathering is more social and easier especially considering most people focus more on play than on deck building, or so it seems to me.

I was just watching Steve Jobs, mainly to see how an entp goes about leadership and what is background was that led to that. I was wondering also how much into technology he was and so far from a second documentary I am hearing Jobs was the hippy(visionary) and woz was the geek(engineer).

Anyways, some of his most powerful words were “Think Different” and this lead me to a though about another difference between how I play games vs how I was trying to do things like programming. When it comes to games, MTG, Starcraft, ect, my most important goal, more important than winning, is to be creative, unique. To make a deck that does work efficiently, but in a way no one has thought of before. If I couldn’t do that, I didn’t want to play. However when it comes to programming, my thing was, I better do this the right way otherwise I’ll never get paid. However, trying to function that way, basically I am limiting my Ne and maybe my Fe even if it’s about self-expression in a way. So if I do that with all my work related things, focus on doing things the way they have always been done, I’ll never fully express myself. I realized after listening to Jobs, that although it must have been obvious how big a deal his ideas would be, it seems to always take a degree of courage to think different. Especially when it is actively discouraged in school, for example when teachers want assignments done a certain way, if you don’t do them that way you lose marks. Now I’m wondering, not only, should I follow my Si and go for stability, or try to fin  balance by doing the stable job like programming, but using Ne by being creative, and Ti by choosing a job demanding in logic like programming, as well as Ti to make the decision on the job field.

So I’m wondering if that’s what I need. I mean, how can engineering a cad game deck, be so much more fulfilling than engineering something with an economic function. Well I guess it could be the social aspect, but I wonder if it’s the self-expression in general. I mean, to be honest, I feel my ability to be unique is one of my biggest strengths. Even if I don’t end up being the best at starcraft, I get to be the best at my way of playing, and I’d prefer that, to being the best at someone else’s. I express something, new. A new way of doing things that no one else has thought of, so it’s like I become a pioneer in it and become a teacher.

If I were to do any more programming, one way I could do it, is to focus on doing every little thing, a different way than I’m taught, but that is still effective. I don’t aspire to be a Steve Jobs or anything, but I aspire to feel fulfilled and wonder how best to go about that. I can imagine how Jobs must have felt at 19 realizing he is on the cutting edge of something so revolutionary. If I could somehow stumble upon something like that, maybe in neuroscience or programming, it would be amazing. Although I wonder if at my age I would still get so excited about something like that, as I would as a late teen. I feel like I’ve wondered so much about the world that I see anything as possible either way. Although  do surprise myself with my philosophical/psychological ideas.

So I feel like have a few options, school will be a part of all of them so that factor will be omitted.

1) Part time work and just relax (if that’s possible) (jog ect)
2) Part time work and try to find even more stable work (freelance or company) (for the sake of stability, Si)
3) Part time work and search for the next revolution (Ignore Si and hope it goes away) (Jog)
4) Part time job and work on something like programing with a “think different” perspective

Note: Steve Jobs studied Zen which is like a study of the nature of things, and he focused often apparently on space and form (spacial intelligence like I wrote about in an earlier post). It seems he put everything into that one purpose of Apple lol. Maybe a bit into pixar when pushed.

This post illustrates how I think kids are taught that they shouldn’t try to be creative when it comes to STEM. I mean, although at least technology is all about invention, it seems that kids are taught that the mathematical foundation, that they need, must not be tampered with, but must be learned as dogma mostly, force fed, at least until higher years of university. I feel like the way some kids are taught, kids that would really love math and sciences, just turns them off of it, but with no where else to turn they will be less empowered. I feel like the only way I will really feel empowered in life, regardless of how much I can support the urges of my Si, is if there is a synchronicity between the things I love doing, and the things that add the most value and are most fulfilling.

See one of the things that empowers me the most, is my ability to create something new. To do things in a different way. I feel it’s like, how I express infinity. How I express the universe. Expressing myself in this way and no one can be better than me at anything because I can always just do it a different way that no one has thought of (as I think most things have infinite solutions with infinite uniqueness), so it’s like I suddenly have something to teach them already. That is one of the main things that inspires me to keep working at things I want. Knowing I have no competition.

Inferior Si Vs Ne Dominant and career search solutions, and Ti

Inferior Si

why I chose to study a subject in college that wasn’t my main interest.

why I felt like I should keep dating someone when my Ne, and my Ti where against it

why I had a long spell of anxiety and hypocondria during the college

why I feel trapped by my Ne’s desire to keep exploring more options

Apparently understanding my Si is something that is supposed to happen in my 30’s , but I guess because I have so many resources at my disposal now, I am understanding things even sooner.

See I am trying to be true to myself, and what true to ones self is for most people doesn’t seem to be what it is for
and ENTP. For me it seems more based on what is practical in that my Ne will be satisfied in that it can keep exploring things that are interesting, and also that my Si will be satisfied in that I will have some stability. Just as in relationships, it’s not as much about the romantic feelings for me.

I need that balance. Jogging helps bring that balance to me just in how it improves my health, but still, I think my Si wants self-sufficiency and even more decisiveness in my goals. When I am in school full time, my Si is satisfied because I have somewhere to be almost every day and I’m around people and learning, and have goals to work on. When I study a few days for a test and then complete it and do good, afterwards I feel kind of high because of the achievement. I think Fe might enter into the picture as well with me feeling even better than I am a part of a class, and we all took the tests. However, I think even on my own like with something like programming, it can help my Si relax because I am doing something I know is valuable. The trick is doing something I know is working towards more independence, while at the same time that gives my Ne enough freedom. So I think I’ve used Ne a lot over the past 2 years to explore ideas, to make up from the 3 years I followed my Si and mostly ignored my Ne. Now though my Si, is screaming about it, I have to use Ti? to make decision based on both Ne and Si?

Writing seems like the best option. Focusing on the study of psychology, and writing about certain areas, MBTI probably a big one, would allow my stability as I can produce real value others can use, and also it will allow Ne enough freedom because I can write about anything as long as it’s valuable so I can choose things that I find interesting(meaning I’ll be better at it and enjoy it), I will have more independence because I’m writing and don’t need a whole research team at all times(good for Si) and I can rely more on my ability to make connections and coming up with new insights and ideas using Ne and Ti. Fe even, because as I write about these things, I will attract an audience, a community around myself and my interests and will be helping people. Also I can write fiction on the side and would have an audience and more interesting material to weave in. Also I can write about what I’m studying in school ahead of time and possibly get paid for my insights on it.

Electronics was not using my interests, although I wonder if there is a reason some entp are interested in technology while others aren’t I assume it isn’t a reflection on intelligence or balance of personality. I assume it’s based on other genetic factors that wont have an affect of life quality. I was never too interested in technology, always more philosophical which I think is also very Ti, just not as practical. Maybe I just had other interests that over shadowed technology, or also I didn’t have parents who are very into technology and our family was late in getting a computer, ect. Also I was simply always more interested in what I could become as a human being, which had very little to do with technology, I was way more into psychology and physiology, and still am.

I also wonder if part of wanting independance is for personal development reasons of Ti? Like, my passion for freedom, being able to do whatever I want, ect. This would mean both my introverted functions want my independence. Although I feel Ne would also want freedom, which independence brings.


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