ENTP: Detached from body, Inferior Function: Introverted Sensing, trying to replace health with goals Part 1

So apparently the ENTP grip is where the Ne goes crazy or the Si goes crazy and Ne stops working, or something like that.
Apparently this can last as litle as a week to even years depending on the situation. Apparently health is a factor and stress is of some kind can bring it on. In my experience, in the transition to “adult life” I have been struggling at first with what to do for a career, which is now not as big a deal as I realize money is not that important to me as long as I can support myself and whatever else I want.

My main concern these days is meaning. I want to be doing something important and something meaningful. I realized after a while that for the most part importance and meaning for me is a very social experience so I’m trying to find the things I am best at that will be most important for others. I’ve kind of summed it all up as expressing myself completely as unless I enjoy what I do I wont have the motivation to continue anyways, Also just at the high level of perspective, expressing myself is giving my love to the universe in the best way possible and the universe can be said to run on love.

Forcing myself to “do something meaningful” is not expressing myself. How can it be when it is out of fear or scarcity mindset that I strive to do something meaningful. That can’t work and it makes me sick even thinking about it. What does seem to be possible though is realizing that the meaning comes when I stop trying to force it, and then I stop trying to force it. I just learn about what it takes, what is meaningful, what things that I naturally gravitate towards, that are healthy, that are meaningful, and then don’t force it, but leave it as an option.

So when I am on break at work and a million ideas for stories come to me, it is because I’m not forcing them. They just flow because I feel like creating them. A more complicated example is when I want to go to the beach and hang out and meet girls but have no one to go with. I can wait around until I make freinds with people, or I can invite people I know a little bit, to go with me, and maybe that will
create stronger friendships, iunno.

Anyways, so the grip for me lately has been trying to find a path for myself where I am doing something meaningful but now I feel like “doing something meaningful” is not a good goal at all. Infact it is more of a distraction. It means that instead of acting based on what exists, solving problems that affect me or others I care about, I am focused on some abstract idea of what is meaningful where I save the world or something. The problem with having the goal of saving the world, just for the sake of doing something meaninful is that it’s not authentic. It’s doing something to feel good, that is actually unrelated to the reason why I feel bad. If I feel bad because I am lonely, have no inspiration, haven’t been sleeping, a big goal like saving the world, while it might actually give me an initial rush is more of an addiction, a compulsion, than a sustainable and authentic way of viewing my life.

What I really need to be doing actually, is solving all of those problems instead, which I think could be the solution to the grip. It seems like, if the grip happens when a person is unhealthy, what keeps them there is that they can’t see what the real problems are so they assume it’s something else. For me it was assuming my life just didn’t have meaning and that’s why I was feeling so shitty. I mean, if I was feeling healthy, doing something meaningful would make me feel eve more healthy, however if I’m not healthy, doing something meaningful wont solve the problem, if I could even find something meaningful enough that I could carry on with it when so unhealthy.

I mean, if someone is going through a minor depression, it wont be easy to find something inspiring. Not if the depression is physical.
In fact, as an ENTP, most of my ideas are externally motivated in some way, if even through day dreams that come from boredom. Trying to think up something meaningful on the spot out of nothing is really not how I work, I’m not sure it’s how anyone works. Anyways I don’t know where exactly I decided that what would make me feel happy and inspired was FINDING a meaningful goal to dedicat myself to, but at this point I’m thinking it doesn’t work that way for me. I found an over all way of living, which is to express myself.

Also it seems when I’m in the grip is also when I stop eating as well and stop sleeping well, and my stomach gets a bloated look to it. I’ve been wondering what exactly starts the process. Jogging definitly has the potential to fix things. Once I jog often enough, my thoughts become less obsessive and I am ableto sleep well. It’s weird because I have a part time job where I’m standing and walking a lot but that doesn’t seem to do enough. Could be that the exercise needs to be voluntary to have the proper effect on the mind. Also jogging is
more intense than walking. ALSO with jogging, I am outside, around nature I guess, and sun light, so it’s kind of freeing in that way too.

I’m just trying to think of other things that might promt the obsessive thoughts but all I can think of is that it’s when I feel empty and don’t know why so I assume I just need to do something and then I obsess over what I need to do. Another thing that saps my enerhy in general is lonliness and just like chrismas break, being out of school for the summer means less people to interact with on a routine basis, meaning if I want to meet anyone I have to activly figure out how everytime. Unless I create a routine.

So I feel like doing things that benefit my body have a really large impact on the grip. Especially jogging, sleeping properly, a hot shower, eating right, ect.

 

 

 

 

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