Self Expression

Regardless of that belief in a high consciousness I feel like most of my goals are in some way related to people and expressing something about myself. So maybe what I need to focus on, at least right now, is expressing myself fully to others and in more effective ways including language but others as well. Also this can be seen as connected to high consciousness because…because I wanted to feel that the universe was saying something to me or communicating with me, and so if I have something to say, and I am part of the universe, and I have consciousness, then I would be making it true by expressing myself. Especially since consciousness can be separated from “self” and I think this happens when the self watches itself. So the consciousness inside me would be used to comprehend the self through watching which would then communicate it’s self to others.

Btw, I feel like these ideas are very important for me to have and that it wouldn’t have happened if I simply knew where I was wanted to go in life. So I feel in some way that I am already doing something I should be doing.

Compassion is based on understanding that other people have challenges as I do and that everyone just wants to be happy. So maybe it would make sense to focus on communicated that part of myself to other people. As well as actually striving for that happiness of course.

so I was researching about self-expression just now and  somehow ran into this:

This guy talking about all the different careers he tried, things like acting and fitness that sounds similar to what I’ve thought about trying. Some other thins that I wouldn’t want to do. He made some very important points. One was how maybe the best book he ever did, he was working with an artist and he felt that artist did most of the work actually, and he gave her more royalties on that project. He said it felt like he approached her first with the idea of working together when really she approached him. He said that the best start-up relationships are ones where both parties think they are getting the better deal. I think he is an ENTP and what he says resonates with me and may resonate with other people very strongly. See being an idea person can seem like a disability because it’s like, you have all the ideas, but don’t want to do the work. For me it makes me feel like I should look for something where I can do all of the work myself so I get all of the credit. However, after listening to this guy, I realized, to express myself fully, I would have to be focusing on sharing my ideas. Actually all the time I am focus on anything other than that for the sake of meaning, I am actually not doing what is meaningful. Instead I am just doing what is expected of me, or what I think will please others.

To focus on self-expression therefore would mean, doing what makes me happy(healthy) plus expressing all my ideas to other people, but not as much on implementing them unless it’s easy enough that it would be an asset as far as my self expression is concerned.

(Aside: I kind of feel weird that it took me listening to some other guy figuring it out before I could trust that it could work out. Iunno, I guess I’m just resourceful, not willing to try everything if I can research first. I feel like this guy did a lot more trying of different things as well, and a lot more just doing what felt right. I on the other hand, at least recently, often just think things through to a conclusion based on my strong understanding of my emotions. When something feels like it wont be enjoyable o true enough, it makes me feel sick to think about it. I feel a stress around the throat and chest that makes me gulp actually. Every time I think of doing something that will be forced and not me, I get that feeling. Anyways, I guess there is no point acting like someone else did all the work so I get no credit or something. I will always be responsible for myself, even if I am resourceful(and who isn’t these days, it’s so efficient). The problem that might exists is there will be somethings that can’t be found online, and so sometimes it could be best to just try things. Experiment. Well iunno, I think I did a lot of experimenting when I was younger. Tried a lot of things an got tired of them. Well maybe if I need to experiment I will, but when thought experiments will do, I’ll do those instead.)

Right so I feel like it is a meaningful thing for everyone, to express themselves. Maybe for some people this is social expression, but not everyone, or maybe it is everyone. For me it seems expressing my ideas is one of my highest forms of self expression. So what I want to do is find people who compliment that, and who I compliment. This is for life and meaning btw, not necessarily work. For work I am in school for psychology. That might change iunno, but I’m not going to turn my meaning into a money making machine just yet, I feel that would be doing it out of a sense of scarcity. I want to feel the abundance of simply expressing myself without the promise of money. I think that will make me most happy.

I feel like I might have to just write everyday just whatever I felt or thought because I don’t want to see this as my work and then start trying to come up with ideas beyond what is natural to me. Self expression should mean I’m expressing myself, not working towards being seen as an idea guy ect. Just being seen as me.

Update: On the way to school I saw this guy who was dressed really cool. He had blond dreads and beard, and a bandana, and sunglasses, and I think piercings, a black guy. Style like that is really cool to me. So I realized it can’t be just about writing. It can’t just be about telling other people my ideas. Sometimes I have to actually do things, make things, to express myself fully, and I think I can do that.

Also I realized that if I wanna get a bunch of people together and go somewhere, then expressing myself fully would mean doing that, not waiting until I make friends first, but expressing myself and maybe friendships will flow from such ideas.

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