More ENTP reflections: Meaning as dictated by personal relationship to society

After deciding I could just do nothing then, I just felt depressed and uninspired and lonely. So now I’m thinking that for me:
Energy producing elements motivate me to work so these should be the corner stone of my “missions”

Working in an environment where people actually need my help or where I see an immediate way to help = energy producing

Problems I have and solutions I come up with, creative ideas that come time mind, are energy producing cause I have something to give.
MOVIES/TV/VIDEOGAMES ECT that are inspiring also = energy producing in the case that they make me want to do something.
Aiming to do “something” or create “something” without any apparent need = energy sapping.

I value social interaction now more than movies ect. Not that I don’t value the movies ect I watched in the past. Just that at thi point in my life social interaction is more important. The random ideas that come to me for stories ect will happen and I’ll write them down.
The random problems I need to deal with I’ll write those down too. So I narrowed down the best environment for me to one where I am around people I can contribute to. I then added to that my strengths and interests and got Law, politics, psychology,
and other social sciences. I narrowed this down to psych as apparently there is use for critique and debate within the research of psych. Also most of the problems these days are psychological.

I mean, there are some things outside of psychology that are immensely important to understand in my opinion. Things like the idea of abundnace maybe. Iunno I guess there will always be things besides psychology that I will want to learn. However I want an environment and a group I can contribute to in the intellectual world that will help everyone and psych is by far the best choice for this for me. If you think about it, psych includes thought and learning so learnig anything else is done through psych in some way and that learning can be improved by psych.

Anyways, so I don’t think it was me needing to feel enough love to want to help people. I just needed 1) to find the area that was right for me, or more right than any other area, right enough that it’s what I use for myself most often. 2) especially that I am around people and have personal connections to other people in the same area and/or to the people who would benifit from my contribution.

So I feel step 1) is complete, but step 2) is not because universities are filled with beaurocracy and it’s hard to get involved there. I mean
how many emails do I have to send. However, I think I should be able to contribute to individuals I find on the internet and maybe in real life that actually want to talk about this stuff and research somehow. When I am just doing psych research for personal reasons, like right now, I don’t need the interaction. However, if I’m doing it as something MEANINGFUL, I need to know who I am helping on a personal level in order for it to feel meaningful.

Ex, if I want to do LLI research it should be because I see the need in someone I know personally who could benifit from it long with many other people I know less personally.

So if my feeling of a lack of meaning was based on loneliness/disconnect from society, then actually reflecting on the fact that I’m in school for psych for the long term goal of research that will help people in very important ways should solve that and I think it has in a way once again. wow was that all one sentence! lol

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