Meaning Beyond Enjoyment: Maybe it will find me if I find people I relate to (a complex guy needs complex challenges lol)

The difference between creating love and creating value for me is this. Creating value, I’ll like the finished product, be proud of it even, but I wont have enjoyed the process because it’s not something I am doing with love, it is something I do to and end. The end which I hope will bring me love from other people. It’s tricky because it could be something I like, music is a good example. I like music a lot, and feel i am more sensitive to it than most people, and I sing often as I walk outside ect. So then I see interviews of my favorite bands and get inspired to make music. Then the thought of actually making the music makes me feel sick. It makes me feel sick because I was inspired by the idea of a band that gives so much love to me, feeling like I should be doing the same to others. However, just because I like music and have so much respect for it, doesn’t mean I need to be making it like some rite of passage or some way of giving back. I don’t have to give back the same way I am given. In fact, I am not obligated to give back at all. Only misleading self importance makes me feel like I need to be doing what I see as important for others to do for the world. However, for me to do this wouldn’t give back to the world. Why? Simply because I wouldn’t enjoy it and so I would be taking. I would be decreases the net love of the world.

Now let’s talk about creating love. What I am doing right now is creating love because I am doing something I want to be doing for it’s own sake. Writing my thoughts to express them to who ever wants to read them and hope they benefit. I am solving my own problems and donating the knowledge. I am seeking things I love, taking pictures of beautiful scenes, singing outside, inside, and meeting people who have different views of life, some of which I benefit from hearing. Creating love is not hard, it’s easy, it’s an urge.

So what I mean is, even if everyone had a novel in them, an album, whatever, that they could express, they shouldn’t feel like it’s their obligation to do so in order to make the world a better place. They are only obligated to find things they enjoy experiencing. Life isn’t about being productive. Maybe life is about things taking the path of least resistance. (Is that what love is in a cosmic sense?) Not to say don’t do anything, just that the least resistance will be things that you do because you enjoy doing them. Maybe you love working out, getting pumped. Maybe you love competition. Maybe you love smelling flowers. Spiritual growth happens when we do things out of love. As we grow spiritually we may see ways of helping people based on how we have developed spiritually so that helping in this way is so easy we would want to help. This is as close to the common idea of productivity I will strive for.

Also part of me wants to have something huge to do, to travel the world with some huge mission. However, it feels like maybe my energy is just not high enough for that to happen or something. Like I don’t have momentum in my life. I kind of feel like people would be central to that momentum. I feel like social connections increase my energy and my meaning maybe? Like I have more support, more people to give to? Iunno. However, I think just wanting to have a mission, is maybe not even a good goal. It’s like, putting the cart before the horse. Instead I feel like I need to see the mission that is my life and my enjoyment of it instead of hoping to be set on one by other people. I mean, I have so many people to compare my life to, but it doesn’t really make sense to do so. It doesn’t make sense to want a mission without wanting the cause already, and I already have a cause which is my own –

Actually I feel like maybe self importance is getting me know where. I feel like there is a limit to how much a person can enjoy a life they live focused on “being somebody.” Maybe my course of action now, is that after seeing all the things I enjoy doing, singing, photography, writing, learning, I should just accept them as whatever they become and let go of the need to turn them into anything more. Let go of the need to turn myself into anything more than what I enjoy being. Take that as kind of like a basal energy level for myself as I’m alone often these days. So I’ll say, this level of happiness, contentment ect, is my level at this level of alone-ness. Then as I’m letting go of the self-importance thing, just focus on interacting with people for –

I’m obviously too focused on becoming something. Also the fact that some times “importance” requires a shit load of bureaucracy-

Maybe not everyone benefits the same from having a “mission”. I definitely seem to not as I’m a serial starter/quitter. However, as long as I continue to grow which I seem to be doing, and continue to share my growth which I seem to be doing, I should allow myself to just enjoy life otherwise. I guess as I don’t conform to authority, bureaucracy, or any real rigidity, I wouldn’t have a mission, in that sense but I have an over all mission which is to grow as a human being(not as a singer, photographer, writer, or anything, just as a life, as me) and help where I can. Not to say I should focus on growing into something because then, well grow how, and why? Just to be growing? So I simply do fun things, and especially with other people where I will probably be given opportunities to help them the way I help myself, with my thinking and learning, and I’ll help them because I like them, not to be something.

~ ENTPs often need to find their place among people ~

I mean solving problems comes easy and is fun even when I am posed with a question or problem by someone. What is not fun is struggling to work through the shit that is bureaucracy to me, building up a “skill” in something just prove I can do something that can make money. As I kind of don’t give a shit about money a this point, it is about how I can be most engaged in my life and honestly that is when OTHER PEOPLE ask me for MY HELP to do something where the SPECIFIC CHALLENGE meets MY SPECIFIC STRENGTHS.

Is there something wrong with wanting that? It seems many people focus on one thing they want to change and dedicate their lives to it. I mean, is there a difference between people who go into their basement for a year on some cancer research project, and someone who needs someone to actually ask them for help before helping. Who gives a shit that “Jimmy did it without even being asked”. Honestly, he did it to help people, got his motivation from other people, regardless of whether or not they asked him first. More over, there is nothing wrong with people asking for assistance every now and again. Like, is everyone just supposed to know what people need without being told. Is it some kind of gift or level of philanthropy were you help without being asked as opposed to being informed. I’m gonna go ahead and not do that. Instead I’m going to solve my problems, including boredom and stimulating social interaction. Beyond that if someone needs something they can ask and I’ll make my self available as I’m doing here. Beyond that I’d rather talk to the people I help face to face rather than play guardian angel. Not because it’s how I get my energy and I need this, but because that’s what is meaningful to me.

Also, some people benefit from having an independent mission to achieve a specific thing they know people need already. Whether it’s artificial intelligence, feeding the poor, or making music. For me it seems, not only do I not have one specific thing I want for myself (I have many) I also don’t believe I have a place in the visible missions going on. Instead I feel I will stumble across missions that are suited to me as I go through life. That is the perspective/belief I may focus on. I’ll observe it to see if it becomes is something of a law that I and other ENTPs might be able to follow. Meet more people you connect with and the meaningful work may throw itself at you.

Actually I can already say I notice when I’m working on something or even imagining working on something with other people, and especially friends, and especially if it’s my kind of work, I feel way more motivation to do the work.

So my hypothesis is that friends and suited challenges = meaning for entps.

Or, social connection + suited challenge = meaning

For entps unlike other types, social connection comes from personal relationships, where as other types like infjs more easily feel love and connection to people they don’t even know.

I mean, I feel like if I really focused on compassion/empathy I could feel that way about people I don’t know as well, but it seems more efficient to actually get to know people and them know you, build a relationships where possible, rather than to imagine doing so. I’m just too rational for helping people I don’t know to feel meaningful maybe, iunno.

Anyways, I’ve been fighting the significance of relationships for a long time. I’ve been kind of blinded by the individualistic culture where everyone is supposed to have their own separate goals to work on and grow from. I’m thinking know that this is just not the truth. That it is not organic. That not only does meaning involve other people than the individual, but that for some people, those people need to be specified and relationships need to be in place. It’s like a way of narrowing down the infinite options of what to do with myself! lol makes sense when I think about it like that.

I feel like when I was younger I might have been discouraged by friends/family who when I had an idea we could all work on together I would get snubbed for whatever reason. So it made me think maybe there is something wrong with me wanting to work with people I know on cool shit. Like I was being a burden on them somehow. Like I should have my own thing and not depend on anyone else for support. Now things have changed, friendships have changed, and I feel like maybe I just needed to meet the people who agreed with my visions/ideas, instead of expecting it from whoever I was closest with at the time.

There is definitely something to this. Also, now that I’m not worrying about the money, what I do will not be a business, so if I work with people who are positive for me, there shouldn’t be any issues and it shouldn’t feel like I am using them. Well if I go out looking to meet people who can help me make a movie or something like that not only will it feel like I’m just trying to be “productive” but it will feel like I am using whoever I meet. Better would be to go and meet people just to meet people, for the love I can feel for those people. That love IS the meaning. Now I know love is a strong word but what I mean is feeling a connection that is positive, that is natural. So when I build those social connections, then what I feel like doing, creating, ect will probably be a composite of the desires of everyone I know. That seems to be how I work. I like to do things that will help others or add to their lives in a big way. Not help them like help them move to their new house, although even that is something. I mean help others do the complex things, like how to achieve their goals. Or thinking of a goal that encompasses the goals of many people I know into one major thing. ALSO,usually it’s not just goals that help those people and not me, but goals that help those people AND me.

So I guess it’s about me wanting my goals to feel connected, and these are all the details of what creates a strong connection.

 

 

 

 

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