A watched pot never boils: Objectives vs Openess: & Giving

I remember wanting dread locks for so long as a kid but wanting them so bad that I got tired of waiting, tired of the nappy hair I had instead and just combed it out and braided it. Maybe it was for the best, maybe my hair wouldn’t have dreaded that way iunno. However, in college I got sick of upbraiding my hair as it was getting harder to do as I’d leave it for a while. So  just stopped upbraiding it and had dreads within the year.

I often find it easy to stick with something if I’m doing it out of enjoyment. However as soon as I’m doing it just to achieve it, I feel myself being drained and wanting to quit. Not feeling inspired.

When I work out consistently it’s no that I’m focusing on my fitness as some goal for the future like, I want to gain 20 pounds. Now way, that would hurt to think about. It would hurt to be in a state of having not achieved something. Instead I work out or the immediate feeling afterwards, the euphoria and the pump and the testosterone. So I’m never watching the pot.

I don’t write this blog with the intention of reaching a certain number of posts or followers ect. If I did that, even just imagining doing that already makes me feel sick. I think I’m very sensitive to doing shit for the wrong reasons now as I have  lot of experience burning out doing things that weren’t right for me.

Now when I think about wanting to meet new people, form new relationships, It’s almost like these same idea is magnified by the fact that the goal is for someone on the other end to see me as healthy and good for them and to accept my invitation interact. Therefore for the sake of the interaction as well as my own health, I can’t be so desperate. Not only that, but being desperate means I’m watching the pot. What happens is I decide my goal is to make friends, and that becomes my obsession because I have an obsessive personality. I can control it but I chose to obsess, it’s often very efficient. I get what I want faster.

However, not if what I want depends on time. On time for water to boil. For the right person to come along at the right time and for me to be the right person at that time as well. I can’t wait for the water to boil. So what I thought was just as I can’t push through learning a skill  don’t want just to make money to spend recovering from doing  a job I don’t like, and instead settled for meaning and whatever the minimum job I needed to support that. The same will go for relationships. I don’t want to push through so much negative energy that comes from neglecting the people who matter for the chance to meet more. neglecting myself in search of others and then have nothing to show but the shell of what I really find meaningful.

So now I will focus instead on what I find meaningful which although it could be summed up as my happiness, in more detail it is about solving big problems that exist and that are mine to solve. The pieces of glass that I spot on the carpet first and remove so no one else cuts themselves. Writing this post for example, is removing one piece of glass. The shards are removed for me as well as everyone.

Then I realized, wait, if I focus now on just doing something meaningful, that will just the same be waiting for water to boil. Even with the thing that seems most important to me, if I set long term goals to work towards, wow, it is nauseating. So even for the most meaningful things, like this blog, the posts aren’t summoned on to the page. I guess the way my life works is more moment by moment. Meaning for me is more immediate. Well it has been said in some forums that ENTP creativity is often more about how to solve immediate problems where as other types may have a single long term focus for their creativity. It’s not that I don’t have long term goals. I wanted dreads, I want a nicer and nicer body, I want this blog to be very useful, ect. It’s just that focusing on the long term doesn’t benefit my motivation. It could even be that I just see so many immediate opportunities that long term possibilities don’t feel worth working towards. Why wait for dreads when I ca have braids in one hour, why wait for a steroid body when I can get a nice pump in an hour, why learn 3000 vocab words i Spanish when I can speak with just 200 verbs. why wait for money and relationships when I can love myself right now.

So it’s not like I am just not motivated by long term goals, just that I see more opportunities for growth far nearer in the future and if the are good enough that the out weight the long term goals, It’s just more efficient to take the more immediate ones. I wonder if maybe I’ve just somehow learned to look for shorter term gain, but learned how, maybe just cause I’m good at doing so.

So I’ve noticed there are two ways to do amazing things. One is the more common idea of just having a big goal and achieving it. Having a dream that you can verbalize and setting out for it no matter how long it takes.

Maybe less common though, is the one that works for me which is to be open to and observant enough to see opportunities to do things, some of which might be small on their own(although cost effective enough to be very worth while) and which add up, and others equally easy to act on but that have a huge pay off.

Also it’s not like I don’t have dreams or long term goals. Just that I wont work towards a dream as if it were a single thing. Instead it is made up of many smaller opportunities that I find/create and take. So it’s kind of like the difference between an inventor and a discoverer. The inventor creates/designs a blog with a premeditated and specific purpose. For my this blog is to help people, how it does that depends on what I discover through my life that can help people. I work out so after every session I discover a little bit more pump, even though the overall idea is that I look better, I don’t obsess over it.

When I do obsess, it will be out of interest, discovery, opportunity, not watching water boil. Basically if the goal requires time and I can’t shorten that time until it’s cost effective or close to nothing, through thinking it through and planning, then for me, obsessing over it will be watching water boil. In that case(assuming the goal is meaningful enough) I need a path to that goal with other short term goals that feel worth doing.

So I feel like I’m open to the goal of improving my fitness, and then within that goal I am open to other more immediate benefits of the way I train. So as far as meaning, meaningful long term goal = make world far better place, short term =  this blog post, random things I learn in school that spark thoughts, ect.

Long term =  meet cool people, short term = do meaningful things that attract cool people + be open to opportunity to talk to cool people but don’t obsess, don’t wait for water to boil.

why is meaningful goals the short term for relationships and money when they aren’t completely related. Well because money and relationships both involve society deciding in time to give me something and it could take a while to society to get around to that even if I make initiative when I see the chance so and in the meantime I wont watch water boil, I’d rather do something that makes me happy.

Not that society will make me happier than I’ll make myself with my meaningful goals either. In fact my meaningful goals are more important than money or new relationships. See, watching water boil is innately not meaningful to me where as the other stuff is.

Also giving beats taking in relationship between one and their society. It can be said that I already have a relationship with money and with society by simply choosing to give. Giving is a whole other universal principle I could look at and if I were to say Society:money/relationships and meaning:social/personal were two separate things, giving would be the way to get both of them.
Giving to society leads to wealth and relationships, giving to society what you feel is meaningful to give is meaningful.

So if I talk to someone  meet now, it will be from a state of short term gain *Curiosity* then positive feelings, ect. However this whole interaction will be buffered by me already being giving to myself so as to not feel like I need something from the other person beyond what they want to give.

I feel like this is two posts in one. #1: being open to the many short term opportunities for growth that help towards a blurry long term goal instead of honing in on one crystal clear long term and waiting for that water to boil.

#2: being open to relationships and money without being dependent on them and instead finding happiness in meaningful goals, which will be composed of #1, short term opportunities for growth.

so put yet another way. A: Depend on personal meaningful goals for happiness (easier to get AND more substantial)and let social goals be on the periphery, no dependance.

B: The meaningful goals are composed of short term opportunities for growth(easier to get AND in some cases more substantial).

put yet another way

The short term obsessions are easiest way to meaningful goals and giving, the meaningful goals and giving are the easiest way to happiness. The social goals(relationships/money) May have no need to exist if the meaningful goals require people to help and when achieved do a lot for others.

Alright I’m trying to connect these two ideas because I do feel they are connected even though I can’t see how yet. I’ll try now.Basically it’s about scarcity, more specifically it’s that feeling of desperation that comes when you are depending on something outside yourself for happiness. When it comes to social interaction it is always outside the self so I like having more meaningful goals so I’m grounded. If it’s personal goals maybe how close to the self depends on how long the task will take and there is a limit in time, maybe a day or iunno where beyond that the goal is to far in the future to be considered part of you. Just like being closer physically to a person makes you feel more connected, being closer in time to a goal makes you feel more connected.

Note: Getting more sleep helped greatly in lessening the feeling that I needed to talk to people to feel good. Yes I’m an extrovert but I wonder if maybe health could trump social/external stimulation in energy generation for extroverts

 

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