The power of helping others (Draft?)

O then I thought, what makes me love that “giver” type so much is how they do so much for others. They have this power because they are doing the right things. It’s magnetic and makes me feel good to know them.

Where as for me, it seems I just seek novelty and understanding and fun for myself. Well also self empowerment. It just seem that while these are good goals to have, it feels m inner strength can’t compare with someone who is  natural giver. A giver who would do anything to see that the people they want to see helped, are helped.

 

I thought tonight that no that I realize how good it is to be in school and the perks of government support incase I need it, I feel like, if I were to focus on getting others what  have, it would feel stronger because It would be makig the world a better place for everyone incluing me. In a way I can empaithize with since I’ve fought so long to come to have these possiblities.

 

Anyways I should probbaly expand a bit on everything.

I started summer classes and another campus and it’s so beautiful there, the architechture, the landscaping, everything is fantastic.
Also I’m meeting people that I really enjoy talking with and feel a lot of positive energy from.Also i was a nice sunny day today.
Also I had lot’s of cheese and Milk today and still on that vitamin d

I feel like the combination of meeting people and forming positive relationships, as well as being more secure in what I want to do with my life has boosted my energy levels to a place where it’s like, I already feel like I’ve done enough for myself? Maybe, iunno, it’s like I feel my life is good now, or at least if it continues along this trajectory.

So maybe that’s when I realize, but maybe there should be more to it.

Also there is the fact that I still have interpersonal conflicts that I deal with with whoever, people I know, strangers, whatever. Not outspoken conflicts really, but things I’m bothered by somewhat. Things that put me on the defensive which keeps me momentarily from focusing on things I love.

This defensiveness I feel is stronger when I only have myself to care about. I see it as how a needle in the finger hurts more than a needle in the arm, because the smaller part feel pain more. It’s like, the body is aware that a part of it is smaller and so more easily damaged and so needs to be protected. So I feel like, when a person is only concerned with themselves, they are small, and so small things hurt them more. Where as people who empathize and focus on others, are huge, and so small things don’t affect them. Not to say a giver wont be upset if they are harassed for no reason, just that maybe it wont affect their core, their morals, because they have more at stake then themselves and so can’t afford to become a taker even momentarily for the sake of themselves, because they can’t afford to focus on themselves.

Also I guess things like pride, like asking for hep wouldn’t be as much of a problem for someone who had other people at stake. Where as a person who is self-centered may use self sufficiency as a way to boost moral(love) of themselves, a giver wouldn’t need that because their love comes from what they can do for those they love. It’s not that the place others happiness before their own, cause that seems impossible, even when u want to help someone, u want to because u want to. However, u can want something because you empathize with someone else, instead of only wanting things based on your needs. That’s the difference.

Also it seems like as I’ve become more aware that I find meaning in interaction with others, I find it easier to let go of that idea that my success needs to be independent of others.  I gain energy from interacting with others, I am an extrovert. It’s not that I need others around me and boo hoo if no one will come to my aid in this way. No, it’s more like, people are my passion, I engage them out of love and meaning. It’s not a weakness, it’s my desire. I don’t know where this pride thing came about where a person had to be a one man army flying solo, doing everything themselves. It’s a very North American Ideal but it doesn’t suit at least 50% of the population based on what extroversion seems to mean in my experience.

However, the idea was their, actually it’s not a ideal, more like a cage. See growing up with kids who didn’t get me made me feel like I needed to find a way to be something better and something independent of them so that I could stand as an entity that was cool and that I wouldn’t need them, but maybe they would need me. Also some people just like to do stuff to help so they can take all the credit which takes the feeling of accomplishment away from me. I don’t mind sharing, but I wont settle for someone thinking I couldn’t succeed without them. I don’t believe that of myself, and so don’t enjoy being around people who do.

Anyways, after realizing people are my passion, all that stopped being an issue.  Just follow my passion, there is no scarcity. Now that I’m doing that and meeting people and experiencing new things it feels like my energy is building up. So maybe because of that, now I feel like I could be doing more than just my goals. Not to say I will do something else instead, if I did that I think I would lose a lot of energy. Just that those things give me energy to do more extra curricular relating to helping others. Helping others is not the passion I was talking about before. My passion for people is mainly in having positive interactions, sharing experiences, and novel people and learning about people (hence psych major). The idea to help people, although it is linked to people and is passion, it’s more of an upper tier thing.

I just feel like doing something bigger like helping others in a big way, will make me even stronger, so that for one I will have even more energy and excitement, nd two the problems in my life will have their volume turned down.

The way I look at helping others which inspires me best so far, is do focus on the things I’ve fought for and now have, and all the people who still don’t have them. It’s like, I’m seeing the big picture, that the reason I didn’t have the opportunities and knowledge until now was because the world is so imperfect. So it seems like a calling to make the world better in this way since I know truly how important it is to me and therefore to others and so I maybe be the only one in the specific position to take the problem seriously enough to fix it.

Iunno if that’s focusing on others or what. It seems like empathy and empathy seems to come easiest when the empathize has been in the same situation as the sufferer of the situation. I just feel like no one should have to feel like they can’t live freely and with meaning. I feel like everyone should have that no matter what and to be able to have positive interactions with people who will really help them grow. I feel like the world isn’t right if these things are not the way. See I could have just said, the world is not right if I don’t have these things, but as the world does not revolve around me, it makes more sense to see it as the world needing to change instead of simply my situation. However, I am only seeing that now that I have solved my problem, so maybe that was a necessary step for me. I needed to feel free, and feel loved and feel passion. Now I see that the world was the cause of my problem and is causing the same to others I just feel like not simply someone should do something as is the norm in world issues, but that in this specific case,where I have answers and only need to communicate them, that  I should do something.

 

 

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