Games as Metaphor

So I have talked a lot about what is now becoming a philosophy of human development. The idea that the human mind is becoming more metaphorical as it develops. Maybe it’s like some form of high level processing because it seems present in way more areas than just creative writing. It seems like it has developed as a cognitive process that in some areas overlaps reality to aid learning. For example, as my last post said, you can learn about compassion through fictional characters. In fact, it seems like as more and more fiction and metaphorical uses of historical ideas are adopted into society, well it only makes sense that at least our language would become more colored with these abstractions.

Anyways, games. If we look at how games have evolved, we can see how important metaphor is becoming. MMOs that adopt fictional/historical/ect ideas to create another world, give people the opportunity to play roles they wouldn’t otherwise have played, and also I think these are roles that have never been played as deeply as they are being played at this current time. See MMOs now, like World of Warcraft and Eve Online, allow us to be politicians, warriors, ect, and along with others, we get to play out these roles in real time in one long story that may last years.  This was never possible to this extent, ever in history I believe.
The significance of this to me is that we have become more open and more able to adopt/use metaphor as a tool for our own growth. We become soldiers and politicians, and learn how to function as such and as we do this and come upon challenges, the reward centers of our brains are activated. We are rewarded for our achievements and personal developments that we would have been far less motivated to even work towards without the use of metaphor!!! What this says to me is that humans are using metaphor to drive evolution. Metaphor has become like a spring board for growth. Meaning humans in a way no longer gain meaning from the natural world, but now some gain it from a hybrid of natural world and symbolic world. The symbolic/fictional/metaphorical world actually becomes real in the way that in these circumstances, development is dependent on it.

And why are games often so much easier to get into than real life challenges? Well games are designed to help a person develop by giving them feedback, socialization, roles,challenges that match skill level, ect that drive their motivation and improvement. It seems we are learning how to drive our own evolution and that we find it very enjoyable.


Acting as Teaching

In an earlier post that can be found under memory, I talk about the way symbols and allegory can become meaningful in that they make strong connections in the brain which create long lasting memories. I find this idea intriging and have thought about using it actually to develop a new style where things I wear symbolize something. I have already been using metaphor I realize, in my signature as well as with my style although in part of my style the meaning came afterwards. For instance my dreadlocks now mean: People being stronger together than separate, letting things happen organically, growth, and possibly other things too.

So I’ve also wrote about how maybe I wanted to do acting since so many forms of expression can fall under it. Thinking about it even more today I realize it was one of the major forms of expression that has always been with me since  was very small. It wasn’t just being funny, it was acting funny, and acting in general. It was taking on the expressions of other humans and sometimes I think the feelings behind them as well. btw, I think even writing like script writing, is a form of actin too, I mean the words a persons chooses is part of how they act. For the same reason, language can be acting too.

So what have I found today?:

Core processes
Phil Jones has written in his book Drama as Therapy, Theatre as Living that there are nine core processes at the heart of drama therapy. These include projective identification and dramatic distancing. Projective identification is the process whereby a person feels the feelings that the other is unable to access themselves. Dramatic distancing refers to the way that emotional and psychological problems can be accessed easier through metaphor. The client has a distanced relationship through metaphor to these problems that makes them easier to tolerate.”

So, connections between my field of study(psychology), an innate form of expression(acting), “metaphor”(which is related to allegory and symbolism), my interest in people, and also “The connection between drama and the psychological healing of society, though not of the individual, was first formally acknowledged by Aristotle, who was the originator of the term ‘catharsis’.” So like, being able to act out the feelings a human would feel in a situation is a good way of teaching compassion for that person, to others. In my experience, I find it way easier to empathize with another person if I have bee through what they are going through or if I can connect their experience to a fictional character even, who I was shown the emotions of in a more raw form.

So I don’t know. If I wanna chase a low state I think programming is more challenging and maybe more conducive to that. However, it doesn’t feel like me as much. Not sure if acting would depend on the characters I act as, but it seems like a natural tendency I’ve had. In fact contrary to what Aristotle said, I have found that when I’m sad or lonely, I often choose to act out those feelings in a way and observe them almost as if from the outside and then feel compassion for myself as if I were someone else. In this way I don’t just stew in my own problems as much,They are processed as if they were someone Else’s. it is kind of like mindfulness in a way. Maybe the trick with that is that I act as if someone else could be watching, or maybe I act as if I am acting, so more expressive and in a way that if I were an audience I would be moved by what I saw. Yeah that explains it. So it seems like something worth doing, maybe I just want to act my own ideas out, express characters that people don’t get yet, or something. Maybe that would be more meaningful then trying to get good at someone else’s characters. Iunno.


Would it be a perfect world if everyone could do whatever they felt like doing, simply on impulse, and everything work out for the best?
Iunno, maybe, however there is much evidence pointing to this not being the case. It actually seems almost like the more restrictions a person can handle, the better they will be for it, within reason of course. For example, a person who can go to bed on time every night, finish their work early, eat only the foods that are good for them, ect, and without feeling like they are making a sacrifice, I would say then that those people would be happier on average than someone who periodically indulges in things that aren’t best for them. I mean sure there are cases where indulging works out for the better, but then that isn’t indulging, it’s more like a calculated trade-off.

Basically it seems like the person who has better self-control will have a better experience of life, assuming that person is developing and utilizing that self control for the right reasons. I mean, it would suck if someone was trying to be perfect because they wanted to please someone else or because they disliked who they were otherwise. In that frame of mind everything they are doing is based on scarcity and sacrifice instead of abundance and love. See I have been very close to this perfectly healthy person before except it was for the wrong reasons. This time I think it will be for the right ones. The philosophy is that if a persons wants true enjoyment, they need to take control of it, and to do that, they need to take control of themselves.

I have been wondering where does this desire to stay up late even come from. For a while I allowed myself to think maybe it was just natural, that sometimes humans stay up late. Now I’m starting to think it’s nothing but a compulsion. Seeking a thrill or some sort of immediate excitement instead of waiting the 10 minutes it takes to fall asleep and the the dreams and then the new day of excitement again. Also part of it is I feel like if I’m thinking about something I need to get it all sorted out before I fall asleep or else I’ll lose that train of thought. I don’t have any proof that this is what happens, in fact I often pick up thoughts the next day right where I left off, but I allow myself to worry over it and stay up. I think it’s just a compulsion.

I’m not sure everyone has the same needs that I do but for me it seems compulsion has no place in my life at all. Like, I don’t need enjoyment to happen to me like some natural phenomenon outside my control. I’d much rather enjoy as much as I want to, not letting standards and limits be set by randomness and primitive programming. In fact the studies on things like meditation and exercise and eating right all seem to point to self-control as the secret to longevity and happiness. I mean that seems to be the factor related to all of them. Being in control, taking responsibility for one’s self and then doing what is best. Tapping into ones abundance.

Flow State: Inferisor Function Introverted sensing Part 2

Now the second part of this is something I just realized right now. That entering into a state of flow where I can work for hours and time just slips by, this state seems to depend greatly on my level of physical comfort as well as environmental stimuli.

I am studying for a test tomorrow and am realizing/remember the importance of so many elements of comfort for me to be able to study without strain.


– Not hungry/Thirsty
– Good seats, no discomfort
– reading only is way easier than trying to read and write so I focus on reading and integrating information just in my head.
– I think good lighting helps too
– Diet matters so much, eating white bread or sugar ect will ruin a study session so fast because it activates stress hormones and depletes energy levels, so eating clean is important
– Getting enough sleep is important because even coffee has it’s limits and can becomes more of a stress than an aid and just one jittery and less able to focus

Environmental stimulus

– MUSIC is awesome for me and studying. I have awesome playlists with full albums of anime/movie soundtracks so putting them on makes the whole studying experience feel like “story mode”, meaningful even.
– People, I am at the library around people. I can’t imagine trying to do this at home although I know I’ve done it before, it’s just not as fun. Also if I think about it, not even as healthy or efficient. I concentrate better around people and a bonus is I can meet people if I’m around them. I can’t meet anyone if I’m just stuck in my room. Being in my room for long periods of time kind of makes me feel like I’m wasting my life, even if I’m studying. It’s like, an unnecessary sacrifice. (Actually I think this is a very key point for me. If I’m trying to force myself to do something, knowing I’m missing out on so much else in life, how could it feel worth while. Especially if I naturally excel when learning through interacting with people. It would almost be like my brain is thinking people>study for living a meaningful life. So if I go against that and read at home in my room, of course I’m going to feel like something big is missing.
– I’m sure there are even more possibilities here like smells, lighting, tactile sensations.
– Also depending on what I’m working on, if it was math I could have pod casts on maybe because math (at least the stuff up to calculus, doesn’t seem to require as much attention, it’s just a “plug and chug”

Cognitive Factors

– I just read and remembered to importance of a task being not to hard or two easy. I think it should be challenging but not frustrating. – Also now that I think about it, the reason why I gave up on programming was because I hit a road block which would have taken a shit tone of research to figure out. Either that or I ask someone online which for me kind of defeated the purpose at the time which was to me completely independent in my growth. As well, and probably for the same reason, I didn’t show anyone the work I was working on because I thought I shouldn’t need to show other people for motivation.
If I were to do programming again which I’m not sure I will, I think I would buy a book to work through start to finish, and also show people everything I make, and also do my coding at the library.
However, technology feels like more of an ends to me, I’m not too much into the tech scene. More into medicine and health sciences and human development.



ENTP: Detached from body, Inferior Function: Introverted Sensing, trying to replace health with goals Part 1

So apparently the ENTP grip is where the Ne goes crazy or the Si goes crazy and Ne stops working, or something like that.
Apparently this can last as litle as a week to even years depending on the situation. Apparently health is a factor and stress is of some kind can bring it on. In my experience, in the transition to “adult life” I have been struggling at first with what to do for a career, which is now not as big a deal as I realize money is not that important to me as long as I can support myself and whatever else I want.

My main concern these days is meaning. I want to be doing something important and something meaningful. I realized after a while that for the most part importance and meaning for me is a very social experience so I’m trying to find the things I am best at that will be most important for others. I’ve kind of summed it all up as expressing myself completely as unless I enjoy what I do I wont have the motivation to continue anyways, Also just at the high level of perspective, expressing myself is giving my love to the universe in the best way possible and the universe can be said to run on love.

Forcing myself to “do something meaningful” is not expressing myself. How can it be when it is out of fear or scarcity mindset that I strive to do something meaningful. That can’t work and it makes me sick even thinking about it. What does seem to be possible though is realizing that the meaning comes when I stop trying to force it, and then I stop trying to force it. I just learn about what it takes, what is meaningful, what things that I naturally gravitate towards, that are healthy, that are meaningful, and then don’t force it, but leave it as an option.

So when I am on break at work and a million ideas for stories come to me, it is because I’m not forcing them. They just flow because I feel like creating them. A more complicated example is when I want to go to the beach and hang out and meet girls but have no one to go with. I can wait around until I make freinds with people, or I can invite people I know a little bit, to go with me, and maybe that will
create stronger friendships, iunno.

Anyways, so the grip for me lately has been trying to find a path for myself where I am doing something meaningful but now I feel like “doing something meaningful” is not a good goal at all. Infact it is more of a distraction. It means that instead of acting based on what exists, solving problems that affect me or others I care about, I am focused on some abstract idea of what is meaningful where I save the world or something. The problem with having the goal of saving the world, just for the sake of doing something meaninful is that it’s not authentic. It’s doing something to feel good, that is actually unrelated to the reason why I feel bad. If I feel bad because I am lonely, have no inspiration, haven’t been sleeping, a big goal like saving the world, while it might actually give me an initial rush is more of an addiction, a compulsion, than a sustainable and authentic way of viewing my life.

What I really need to be doing actually, is solving all of those problems instead, which I think could be the solution to the grip. It seems like, if the grip happens when a person is unhealthy, what keeps them there is that they can’t see what the real problems are so they assume it’s something else. For me it was assuming my life just didn’t have meaning and that’s why I was feeling so shitty. I mean, if I was feeling healthy, doing something meaningful would make me feel eve more healthy, however if I’m not healthy, doing something meaningful wont solve the problem, if I could even find something meaningful enough that I could carry on with it when so unhealthy.

I mean, if someone is going through a minor depression, it wont be easy to find something inspiring. Not if the depression is physical.
In fact, as an ENTP, most of my ideas are externally motivated in some way, if even through day dreams that come from boredom. Trying to think up something meaningful on the spot out of nothing is really not how I work, I’m not sure it’s how anyone works. Anyways I don’t know where exactly I decided that what would make me feel happy and inspired was FINDING a meaningful goal to dedicat myself to, but at this point I’m thinking it doesn’t work that way for me. I found an over all way of living, which is to express myself.

Also it seems when I’m in the grip is also when I stop eating as well and stop sleeping well, and my stomach gets a bloated look to it. I’ve been wondering what exactly starts the process. Jogging definitly has the potential to fix things. Once I jog often enough, my thoughts become less obsessive and I am ableto sleep well. It’s weird because I have a part time job where I’m standing and walking a lot but that doesn’t seem to do enough. Could be that the exercise needs to be voluntary to have the proper effect on the mind. Also jogging is
more intense than walking. ALSO with jogging, I am outside, around nature I guess, and sun light, so it’s kind of freeing in that way too.

I’m just trying to think of other things that might promt the obsessive thoughts but all I can think of is that it’s when I feel empty and don’t know why so I assume I just need to do something and then I obsess over what I need to do. Another thing that saps my enerhy in general is lonliness and just like chrismas break, being out of school for the summer means less people to interact with on a routine basis, meaning if I want to meet anyone I have to activly figure out how everytime. Unless I create a routine.

So I feel like doing things that benefit my body have a really large impact on the grip. Especially jogging, sleeping properly, a hot shower, eating right, ect.





My experience with muscle confusion

I’ll use the latest as an example all thought this has been the pattern throughout my bodybuilding life. Before starting at school my routine was based on the barbell and weights I had at home and it was around 30min workouts and mostly compound exercises. I gained a little bit of size doing this that is for sure but for various reasons in workouts were not done with as much effort as they could have been. This changed when I started at school and joined the gym there.

I researched new ideas around bodybuilding especially around the endocrine system’s response to certain exercises. my gains for that year were impressive. I surpassed the body I had after high school(my best at the time) by quite a bit.

Of course I new more about what worked and what didn’t and was doing more of what worked ect, but still I feel like as soon as I joined the gym and did all new exercises, my body responded very fast to that. Well, summer has come and I have reached a point where it seems the line between over training and under training has become very thin somehow and this seems to always happen after a few months of the same routine. My sleeping habits surely have something to do with this but I think there was more to it.

It could be a level of boredom that when it sets in becomes a negative stress as I do the same exercises month after month. Maybe I become bored and therefore demotivated by the workouts and then doing them anyways becomes almost like a negative experience unless I can achieve something new like increasing the weight more than I’m supposed to.

It could also be this: As I improve two things are happening. My CNS adapts to lift more weight, and my muscles grow to lift more weight. If my muscle growth outpaces my cns adaption, my strength gains will come slower. If my cns out paces my muscle growth, gains will come fast. When you learn a new exercise, cns outpaces muscle growth in adaption. It isn’t that the stimulus on the muscles is particularly strong though. It’s just new. Muscle growth to new exercise though I think is fast than to old exercise but not nearly to the extent that it is with cns.

So the thing is, as a new exercise becomes old, cns adapts to lift more weight, but I don’t think it adapts as well to the increase stimulus placed on it. What I mean is, it is more efficient in lifting the weight, but I think it is way slower at adapting to become more durable against the stress of that increased weight. This is why the stronger you get, the more you can and need to lift to improve, but also, the easier it is to over train.

So…I don’t want it to be easy to over train, I would gladly sacrifice SOME strength gains to keep building muscle and efficiency of my cns in different areas.

So what I think I want to do then, is try completely changing all exercises I do, every month or two. This way the strength gains I get can come mostly from muscle growth. I feel that becomes muscle growth increases strength as well, that I should depend on muscle for my strength gains instead of cns adaptions.

If I was a strength athlete of course I would go for strength and cns adaption, and I’d just train more frequently with less volume.

Self Expression

Regardless of that belief in a high consciousness I feel like most of my goals are in some way related to people and expressing something about myself. So maybe what I need to focus on, at least right now, is expressing myself fully to others and in more effective ways including language but others as well. Also this can be seen as connected to high consciousness because…because I wanted to feel that the universe was saying something to me or communicating with me, and so if I have something to say, and I am part of the universe, and I have consciousness, then I would be making it true by expressing myself. Especially since consciousness can be separated from “self” and I think this happens when the self watches itself. So the consciousness inside me would be used to comprehend the self through watching which would then communicate it’s self to others.

Btw, I feel like these ideas are very important for me to have and that it wouldn’t have happened if I simply knew where I was wanted to go in life. So I feel in some way that I am already doing something I should be doing.

Compassion is based on understanding that other people have challenges as I do and that everyone just wants to be happy. So maybe it would make sense to focus on communicated that part of myself to other people. As well as actually striving for that happiness of course.

so I was researching about self-expression just now and  somehow ran into this:

This guy talking about all the different careers he tried, things like acting and fitness that sounds similar to what I’ve thought about trying. Some other thins that I wouldn’t want to do. He made some very important points. One was how maybe the best book he ever did, he was working with an artist and he felt that artist did most of the work actually, and he gave her more royalties on that project. He said it felt like he approached her first with the idea of working together when really she approached him. He said that the best start-up relationships are ones where both parties think they are getting the better deal. I think he is an ENTP and what he says resonates with me and may resonate with other people very strongly. See being an idea person can seem like a disability because it’s like, you have all the ideas, but don’t want to do the work. For me it makes me feel like I should look for something where I can do all of the work myself so I get all of the credit. However, after listening to this guy, I realized, to express myself fully, I would have to be focusing on sharing my ideas. Actually all the time I am focus on anything other than that for the sake of meaning, I am actually not doing what is meaningful. Instead I am just doing what is expected of me, or what I think will please others.

To focus on self-expression therefore would mean, doing what makes me happy(healthy) plus expressing all my ideas to other people, but not as much on implementing them unless it’s easy enough that it would be an asset as far as my self expression is concerned.

(Aside: I kind of feel weird that it took me listening to some other guy figuring it out before I could trust that it could work out. Iunno, I guess I’m just resourceful, not willing to try everything if I can research first. I feel like this guy did a lot more trying of different things as well, and a lot more just doing what felt right. I on the other hand, at least recently, often just think things through to a conclusion based on my strong understanding of my emotions. When something feels like it wont be enjoyable o true enough, it makes me feel sick to think about it. I feel a stress around the throat and chest that makes me gulp actually. Every time I think of doing something that will be forced and not me, I get that feeling. Anyways, I guess there is no point acting like someone else did all the work so I get no credit or something. I will always be responsible for myself, even if I am resourceful(and who isn’t these days, it’s so efficient). The problem that might exists is there will be somethings that can’t be found online, and so sometimes it could be best to just try things. Experiment. Well iunno, I think I did a lot of experimenting when I was younger. Tried a lot of things an got tired of them. Well maybe if I need to experiment I will, but when thought experiments will do, I’ll do those instead.)

Right so I feel like it is a meaningful thing for everyone, to express themselves. Maybe for some people this is social expression, but not everyone, or maybe it is everyone. For me it seems expressing my ideas is one of my highest forms of self expression. So what I want to do is find people who compliment that, and who I compliment. This is for life and meaning btw, not necessarily work. For work I am in school for psychology. That might change iunno, but I’m not going to turn my meaning into a money making machine just yet, I feel that would be doing it out of a sense of scarcity. I want to feel the abundance of simply expressing myself without the promise of money. I think that will make me most happy.

I feel like I might have to just write everyday just whatever I felt or thought because I don’t want to see this as my work and then start trying to come up with ideas beyond what is natural to me. Self expression should mean I’m expressing myself, not working towards being seen as an idea guy ect. Just being seen as me.

Update: On the way to school I saw this guy who was dressed really cool. He had blond dreads and beard, and a bandana, and sunglasses, and I think piercings, a black guy. Style like that is really cool to me. So I realized it can’t be just about writing. It can’t just be about telling other people my ideas. Sometimes I have to actually do things, make things, to express myself fully, and I think I can do that.

Also I realized that if I wanna get a bunch of people together and go somewhere, then expressing myself fully would mean doing that, not waiting until I make friends first, but expressing myself and maybe friendships will flow from such ideas.

Extroversion: God=personified conscious universe=social: Optimism

I just had a thought. Well when I was younger went through phases of being religious or not so religious, but always believed in God. A few years ago that changed and I became undecided and skeptical, at this point possibly even atheist. However, today I just stumbled across and idea. I’ll start by sharing this link of a song from final fantasy x called “other world”

And here are the lyrics which I want to discuss:

Go now, if you want it,
Another world awaits you.
Don’t you give up on it,
You bite the hand that feeds you.

All alone, cold fields you wander,
Memories of it cloud your sight,
Fills your dreams to raise your slumber.
Lost your way, a fallen knight.

Hold now, aim is steady.
Another world awaits you.
One thousand years, you ready?
The otherworld, it takes you

Go into the sand, and the dust, and the sky.
Go now, there’s no better plan, than to do or to die.
Free me, pray to the fayth in the face of the light
Feed me, fill me with sin, and get ready to fight.

Gotta Fight!

Hope dies, and you wander
The otherworld, it makes you.
Dreams, they rip asunder
The otherworld, it hates you.

Free now, ride up on it
Up to the heights, it takes you
Go now, if you want it
Another world awaits you.

So I liked these lyrics since the first time I read them. I didn’t know why I liked them besides how mysterious sounding they were and how they promised a whole other world. It kind of fed through the fact that final fantasy 10 was already another world which  was being introduced to, and how the game starts and concludes with this song and how Auron introduces Tidus to another world soon after the start of the game. This song feels special to me.

So I was thinking about writing and language and poetry which led me to read “The swimmer’s moment” and then this songs lyrics, to maybe find some inspiration. What I found somehow, after thinking about it from the perspective of language, was this.

“another world awaits you”

This line and the others like it in the song personify the world. Give the entity a social context and maybe slightly narcissistic iunno. To say another world awaits you, if taken literally, would mean that another world is actually waiting for specifically you, to find it. So the thing about this is, for an extrovert, or at least for me, to believe a world, or a universe, could have social qualities, would mean I would gain energy from it as if it were another person. This may mean I would gain more meaning from the things I find interesting about the world, if I see it as in communication with me. Of course the easiest way to do that these days is through the belief in a god. In my case I may simply think of it as a  possibility, if that can give me energy. I mean, it IS a possibility.  It seems it is maybe just a level of optimism that is required in order for me to entertain the idea as it is a positive idea to entertain. Optimism if as an extrovert I would enjoy the idea of a god.

I don’t mean the kind that says you need to go to church every S, pay indulgences, and follow orders blindly. That doesn’t seem like a very optimistic belief. An optimistic one would be to see that just as life has consciousness, even at the level of worms, and snails, then it is possible that the cosmos which holds and gave shape to all life, would have a consciousness as well.

It just feels like believing in form of consciousness in the universe gives live more meaning. Not to say life isn’t meaningful otherwise, just that otherwise I feel that for me life’s meaning is based on other people and on myself. If I believed in some kind of god, I would probably feel more free to take on goals unrelated to people and more about exploring a universe that was created by a person and/or is a person.

I wonder why cultures around the world have until this point seem to have chosen to personify the physical world around them. Is it just some kind of deficiency in intelligence then? Or is it something that was in our genes for a reason, and if so why are more people becoming atheistic?

Iunno, just a thought.

Also I wonder if it is the summer weather and longer days contributing to this thought although it was pretty abrupt and directly after thought about that song.

Also I wonder if it’s more about feeling connected which I could get from meditation.


The power of “Story” on hormones, happiness, love

My comment to this article:

Interesting! Reminds me of the concept that a certain type of happiness that has to be built up over time through positive life experiences(So I am assuming these experiences need to be remembered). Also there is the relationships between memory and depression, meaning increase serotonin = better memory + less depression.  It stands to reason that positive memories would also increase base serotonin rate and increase happiness and that positive memories related to a brand are made strong because branding creates a web in memorize tying together multiple things related to that brand with the brand as a symbol. As this symbolism and inter connectivity increases memory power, if the memory is positive, then it would increase happiness.

It’s funny because many people say that happiness is in the present. That if you want to be happy you need to stop focusing on material things, on the past/future. However if memory is strongly linked to hormone levels, and material possessions(or brands, since some brands are not based on physical products) then it seems the past may be more important to happiness. As well this is inline with the idea that goals that are harder to achieve, take time ect, are more meaningful when achieved. So maybe the past is actually more important to happiness EXCEPT for times when a person practices mindfulness, as people who had troubled pasts can basically wipe their emotional slate clean with mindfulness practice.

Boredom: as the key to authentic love-based creativity

Beyond that I still feel like excitement is missing from my life. Sure it might be exiting once I can do research in 2-3 years lol, but now? What will I do for now? I could fast track my studies but I feel like working super hard wont add to my life in the best way. I think my problem is that I’m not allowing myself to be bored. I am denying myself it to the point that I feing sleep for fear of the moments before where I lay awake without stimulation.

So let’s talk about boredom for a bit. It feels like a negative emotion I’m sure we can agree. However, is it negative as in an unhealthy stressor? Or negative as in a drive/urge. Well I’d say it’s the later, a positive stressor, a drive. I say it’s a drive, as in a drive for stimulation, for experience, and these things I’d say are positive things to have urges for. So what have I been doing. Well quite naturally, when I feel a tinge of boredom I try to find something to keep me stimulated. Also I’m guessing my seeking of an exciting adventure or whatever is driven by tht feeling that what is happening now is not as excting, aka sustained borederline boredom.

The thing about boredom is that it can inspire creativity and therefore excitement on it’s own. It’s just that people often don’t allow that to happen and instead find things to keep their minds occupied. For me it seems I’m getting bored of videogames,tv shows,movies ect. Apparently it could come down to entp pattern recognition ability.

I think what I might do is allow myself to be bored and see how long it takes for me to become creative on my own and then just roll with that. I’ll keep writing this blog because well it seems to be one of those things that I’m creating. I’ll probably be writing a lot more and about different things if I don’t give myself any input, or limit my input. Actually I think I’d rather limit my input rather than shut it off completely because I think some is good for my developement.

In order to truly be bored though I would have to let go of the idea that I should be doing something special. My creativity should be for the sake of my experience, not as something I can say I do. I feel like the practise of being bored is much like the practise of meditation and much like sleep. Especially like sleep, being bored will inspire imagination as sleep does dreams. Also as meditation can mean the calming of the mind and it’s thoughts, boredom means at least the calming of input from outside sources. I feel boredom increases the dopamine receptors in response to lower average stimulation but not sure.

Now…why would one chose creativity over exploration of the outside world. It seems to me that creativity has far more potential for bringing happiness or piece than does seeking excitement fro outside. I feel like seeking stimulation from outside is kind of like a scarcity drive. You know, like a remnant of when humans needed to learn about their environment so they could survive. Just that now we don’t need to do this as much but like with eating fatty foods, we do it because it feels good and kind of highjacks the reward circuitry.

Well for me with little money to through around, and not as much inspirig me to explore it, I feel like I need something else. I am hoping that by allowing myself to be bored often, it will allow me to be more creative in ways that enrich my life even if it only ends up being my life for the most part that is enriched by it. To be clear I feel that for me, working towards goals like being good at something like being a well known blogger or writer ect, are based on boredom. Based on wanting external stimulation, and high jacking my reward circuitry in this way to do it. I feel this is different from someone who writes or draws only because they love it, and then people just like what they do but either way they do it because it is them adding love to their live instead of trying to seek it from outside which imo is unachievable because love and excietment for life is a state of mind, not something you take from the world. More of something we all have in us to feel and give.

Also it seems that like sleep, creativity that comes from boredom is very organic. It’s a naturally occuring thing. Not something forced for social recognition or sense of fulfillment. I guess this would be an example of psychology knowledge helping me and hopefully others. We’ll c.

Link to a source on boredom increasing creativity:

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