Commitment, Present moment, purpose driven

from wiki how: Find how you fit into this life, you are a piece of the puzzle, most of us live a life of imagination and when reality hits us we become disappointed and you lose the meaning of life.

I think that part of my problem in relationships is assuming I know where things are headed and getting scared that my whole life is planned out for. I walk alone towards an imaginary world but each step I take is still in the real one so it’s hard to share my life with someone when I’m not living it as it is.

If I were to focus more on the present in a relationship I guess I’d really want the person to be with me for whatever the future holds. It’s like when focusing on my imaged future, this girl is always with me. When focused on the present I become aware that I am walking into the unknown and need as much support and love and good company as I can get and this girl does that for me.

If the meaning of my life, or part of it, will be to help others, it will be helping in ways I am good at helping. These will be based on what problems I’ve had to solve in my own life obvi because that’s where the practice comes from. Also and very importantly, is when I figure out a solution to a big problem I realize how much I could help others by sharing the solution. It’s like I automatically have a connection to people because I shared the same problem they did, so I have that compassion. That’s how I’m thinking I’ll help people. That is where I find meaning and motivation, at least while no one else is asking for my specific help on something else. So I’ll focus on my blog and maybe youtube, and not worry about the money, because the minute I start doing things for the money I lose sight of the meaning behind the whole thing and therefore the happiness I guess. Also if I get famous or something it might be a challenge, but if I have a good support network of close friends than I don’t think fame would cause any validation issues, although I could also cater to a smaller segment of the population with more targeted help. Less fame, more value. iunno.

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