Careers/feilds focused on people, the body, Wonder: Chemistry?

Thinking more about jobs
Do I want fast pace physical
Do I want high stress engaging
Do I want most money least time
Do  want most travel/people/novelty

Nurse?Police?investor?travel agent?

This site , a convo on careers for ENTPs lead to a guy saying neuroscience is great for ENTPS.
Some INTJ guy says is to much detail, psych is better. From what I’ve seen I agree.
Some INTP guy names windex response to first guy: “Yeah or biomedical engineering or chemistry. It’s awesome and all but I’m so lazy to be in school anymore. I read something about Chemistry being the one that cures cancer and I value that more than Physics as a career even though I love to learn physical theories. It just seems sometimes like the world of ideas is useless unless there is practical application. I want to see any ideas I get to work with on develop into something directly affecting people. Neuroscience is amazing stuff. I always try to tell people about their brain’s plasticity when they think they aren’t bright. And how the brain cells are growing throughout”

I totally feel him on physics not seeming applicable to me, I feel the same about math. Maybe this is what people mean when
they say ENTPs do well it careers that are people focused. It could mean focused on the human vs on something else.

Then as I thought about the possibilities of me actually enjoying chemistry, which I do when it applies to me, I started to remember a girl from a long time ago who was studying chemistry in high school for university or Bio-Chem and I thought about doing the same but ended up not doing so. For one, as a teenager I had lot of other interests. Many just ego driven like fame or recognition. To many distractions from what might have really made me happy. Now though, I realized it might be interesting if I end up in chemistry. Then a strange feeling happened.

team sleep take you down remix
Memory regression, Barbara(reminded by the song) -> Amy(Reminded by the feeling of being reminded by a song) -> Brats of the lost nebula(More Regression, almost able to control it)
The memories where laced with a feeling of wonder of what my life could be. How much potential I have, how much i could do and/or discover. These feelings didn’t really come up when I though about computer science or physics. All I felt thinking of those, the maximum I could feel, was a futuristic feeling of being able to see things through technology, and other imaginings of what technology could do. Sure things are left to the imagination, but I still felt like I could imagine it all. I could see my life planned out and it was boring as shit because I don’t really care about technology beyond whatever I have available. I don’t desire the newest phone, gaming consoles, cars, or any of that. My focus is more on my body and my mind. My life. As well, with chemistry, I can’t even imagine what could be created because chemistry is not predictable like computer science seems to be. I guess this is because chemistry is not a man made things like computer science is. Chemistry is the universe. Isn’t this feeling what life should be about. Wonder.
Wonder is travel independent. Space independent and seems maybe even time independent since memory can call it up.
What I though I wanted was to travel, but now I realize, I can go somewhere not too far to experience new scenery, what’s more important is always having a sense of wonder. It seems almost people independent when you really find it. This is important because I was this whole time thinking I could only function in a job working with others, as well as one that was physical.

If I can just learn more about psych which I want to, and chemistry which I might want to, it could be awesome.
Also it seems my interests are always centered around myself. They can still be of value to others, but initially I find interest in things if they are related to me and improve my life, my vision, in some way.

So if I look back at my life, a big part of my vision has always been becoming super human. If nothing else I would have way more freedom that way. Computer science isn’t about creating a super human, it’s about creating a system normal humans can function on easily. I don’t need things to be easy. I don’t need a robot to clean my house. I want to not need a house.

I feel like chemistry more than any other science gives a person a strong sense of independence and control. Not just because of Breaking Bad although that’s part of it. So many things can be done with knowledge of chemistry. Electricity is based on chemistry, which means all of technology is too. Well anyways, this is just me observing myself. I didn’t feel very empowered learning computer science, didn’t get that feeling of wonder. Maybe I can feel those things for Chemistry which seems to be the key to most things. Well I’ll probably have to learn more math this route but if it’s related to me, my body, my biology, why wouldn’t it be worth my while. I want personal empowerment and if this will give me it I wont say no.

Also there is the fact that I was avoiding neuroscience because of the chemistry but if I like chemistry now I guess I could do neuro. However, do I want to focus on the brain? I wont rule it out but seems boring right now. As for learning Chem maybe I should study on my own to see if I can even get into it. Maybe I just need to learn it a different way from how it’s taught in school. More of a emphasis on wondering about the possibilities.


Search For Meaning: Fear of not doing enough vs Inspiration

I have been obsessing over doing something meaningful with my life as if my happiness depended on it, but recently through being stressed out by other annoying people, I realized that this obsession was really fear based on shame as if there was such a thing as not doing enough in life. well I’ve experienced two things that allow me to see the truth that my life is meaningful regardless of what I do. The first was when I meditated with music “The Tea Party – Angels” after jogging, and I went into some sort of state where memories from my past became a kind of collage of images and emotion that was blanketing me. Here I realized that my life up to that point was awesome.

The second experience, after taking vitamin d 5000mg for a few weeks was just a feeling of contentment paired with an increased ability to recall childhood memories. Through recalling what I could but mostly just feeling the relaxed vibe, I felt that if I died at that time, it would be ok. Not that I was suicidal, just that I felt I lived a great life up to that point, it just felt like I had lived a full life.

This lead me to the realization not only that letting the fear go would allow the anger to go as well because fear leads to anger leads to hate ect, but also that letting go of the fear was what I needed to do just to get my life back which has been going off the rails this week since my last exam for the year.

I have been so obsessed with doing something meaningful with my life, and consequently with being able to support myself so I could do something meaningful and have it feel like it truly came from me. However I realized, this is probably party due to not getting enough sleep which compromises the hormones. Coincidentally this post is coming after my first jog in two weeks, as well as Captain America. Now I feel like, I already know how I should be feeling, that sense of completion, of satisfaction, so I can kind of just step back into it conceptually and act from that place, from what I know, even if I can’t feel it. What I know, from feeling and now in hindsight from logic, is that life doesn’t come with a obligation to do anything special. Life can end at anytime and it’s best to see whatever life has been lived as enough. This isn’t to say don’t try to do anything more, but that more should only be done because you want to, not because you feel you must.

So if I don’t end up doing anything special with my life, well my life will still be special to me, because my memories, my friends, family ect, my self, are meaningful enough. Life is meaningful enough. After realizing this I had this strange experience. I was walking home at night and was thinking, what if this guy attacked me. I felt myself imagine my “defensive offense” against said threat, but didn’t feel a sense of anger or fear, only a sense of love for myself in doing what needed to be done. Iunno, I need more sleep, but it felt good.

So I realize this is a part of self love. Not feeling obligated to be something more for anyone, as society has many of us feeling we must. It’s about love instead. I will still work towards cool stuff, but I wont force myself to have ideas or be productive. I’ll do as I’m inspired by love, to do. I guess that may include travel, although I also feel it’s important for general mental health, to travel a lot more than I have been. I think that is a love based concern, not shame based.

As far as work, I guess I’ll be looking for work because I need to fund whatever I chose to do, but maybe I wont freak out if I can’t move out as soon as is ideal.

Web development the fun way? Hacking vs build from scratch?

I was beginning to wonder if I’d have anything to write about for today. I’d be ok with it if I didn’t, I mean, I don’t want to force it.

Introduction: How can I like learning web development?

So I have been thinking a lot about the state of the economy and how many of the jobs are in the science and technology field and how I and I guess others as well, don’t really see any interest in it. However, we want good jobs…so well for me today I was thinking, is there a way I can learn web development and not feel like shit the whole time. If there was a way I could make learning web dev as fun as going to my customer service job at least, I’d be able to learn it and get a better job. So I thought about what  about it makes me gag. Then what I could do to change that, and lastly and most recently realized another way of looking at the whole learning experience that could make it feel extremely empowering so that I would possibly gain a interest in it.

1) What makes me gag?

The fact that I’d be learning it on my own in my room by myself.

The fact that I’m not really curious about every little detail that I would have to learn because it’s really not that complicated at all.

The fact that it would be hours of each day going towards just a job, nothing meaningful.

2) How to fix

Music: When I would program with music I could go way longer. Music is almost like a social force. It’s like someone else putting emotions in to you.

Social: Maybe find meet ups or take a course, but I feel like I’m to proud to chose school just so I can be with people. I just feel like there should be a way for me to make this work.

Social: Work on projects that are social, like web dev of a forum or survey or something where you can show other people and they can participate. Also humor web sites like “”

Time on task: I realized I don’t spend hours on this blog, if I did I probably would burn out. I do an hour, maybe more if I get an idea. Same with working out, and I’ve been pretty consistent all year with the gym although it is a gym at school around people.

Time on task: I could try doing only 20 min a day, or just doing one small thing to build a website every day. I could focus on learning using tutorials instead of trying to do everything by trial and error where I would have to focus time on solving bugs.

Time on task: With gym and with writing I have no end goal so I never really obsess over finishing. This keeps the pressure off. Maybe I could do that with programming as well.

3) Big picture learning

I think certain types like entp, are more big picture types so we learn better when we can see the whole picture. However, how programming and much of science is taught is details first, which is very boring for me.

Also I find that assuming I have to learn how to make a website from the ground up is actually extremely dis-empowering. I think it’s a function of a different set of values and different philosophy of education. The worst is constructivist learning but I wont get into that, and it probably has it’s place anyway, just maybe not for people who need a job to survive. However, if someone said, make me a website by tomorrow or you die, how would you do it. I get the feeling most teachers would say, well yo better learn fast and type as you go. The best thing to do though, is get a copy of a website close to whatever one you need to make, and go from there. At least for me anyways, it’s far better than learning from scratch. In fact, if I want to get a job doing web dev, I would rather learn what I need from a template web site and change as needed, than start from scratch each time. Also, as far as feeling empowered from technology, I am far more empowered knowing that I can get and use and alter things other people have made, than thinking I will have to rebuild everything from scratch. It’s just so much more efficient, and for me a key thing is that I am getting the most value from the least work. Even when I’m at work.

So if I wanted to get into any kind of tech field, I think I would focus on hacking in that field instead of any inventing. Also hacking is cool, most people think hacking is cool. It’s so powerful. You can learn all about a system in the same time it would take for you to be able to code from scratch, a little part of it, so which is more valuable. For me it’s the one that holds my interest, knowing the system, especially with the philosophy that knowing the system is value to me and therefore to others, even if I can’t create it fro scratch, because I can use it to do other things. I can hack it.

Thank-you for reading. Feel free to like, comment, subscribe. More to come!

Memory and Meaning: Examples: Allegory, Architecture, Music

Introduction, wondering…

I wonder if there is a connection between things that feel meaningful, and things which act very strongly on memory. Now I don’t just mean like, *Got attacked on the street, will never look at street the same way* kind of meaningful, I mean just like *wake up early and the sun hits the window in a certain day and you feel so at piece you’ll never forget that moment* kind of meaningful. See I think meaning, is not dependent on emotional intensity, but on memory strength. Yes, emotional intensity increases strength of memories, but that is not the only way.


When you walk into someone else’s home and you realize you are in someone else’s head space and it is so intimate, that it meaningful, and without causing heart palpitations. See what I realized is that it is the sum of two things. The fact that it is an intimate and therefore social experience, and also the fact that architecture is so linked to memory that there are mnemonic techniques based on visualizing palaces and placing an object to be remembered, in each room. The reason basic idea is that architecture visualization and spacial recognition and path tracing through architecture (and possible outdoor locations too) require the use o spacial memory(or something) and this is a very strong form of memory because it requires so much processing power.

Anyways, to make a long story short, architecture is memorable and therefore meaningful? or is it more about the intimacy, or a mix of both. Either way, I can remember what a persons house looks like, the general lay out, after only seeing it once, and that being a few years ago.


Allegory  think for the same reason, really speaks to the soul. You read a fantastic piece of literature, and think wow that was amazing. Then later you realize all the allegory, all the hidden meanings. After that, that story and many of the meanings will be deeply entrenched in you memory and the story will be, well, more meaningful.


Another example for the link between memory and meaning would be the way music and the memories tied to it persist in people with Alzheimer’s beyond things like even remembering who their family members are.

Far Fetched Serotonin Increase?:

So when I think people are searching for meaning, well at least for me, I might really be searching for experiences and concepts that have such a powerful effect on my memory that I can’t forget them. On top of that, I’ll throw out there that one common symptom of depression is memory problems which seem to be linked to low serotonin. So it may be that experiencing or learning unforgettable things, increases serotonin. If this is true, I wonder how long lasting the effect is. Also it says that being smarter = being happier, just by having more memories, more worth remembering. Think about it, when you are asked what makes life worth living, you will most likely think back on memories, as well as things you have yet to achieve. Of course, you have to remember your goals for the future, and therefore those goals must be meaningful in order for them to be memories.


So these are some thoughts I’ve had. Some of them require some supposing so they may not pan out. For instance, I know that increasing serotonin increases memory if serotonin is low. Best thing in the way of optimal serotonin I can think of is vitamin D, at least in the winter when there is less light. My memory shot up after starting on it. However, I do no know if improving memory will somehow boost serotonin, only that the meaningful experiences that build strong memories, feel really good!

What I might look into is increases memory power through advanced use of allegory and architecture visualization.



I found this link on using allegory to teach and learn math:



Curiosity: Physical + Intellectual Edutainment:Rock-climbing, urban exploration, free-running

Introduction: Observations I couldn’t piece together for the longest time:

As a kid I found a sense of awe when I looked at huge structures, huge buildings.

I felt a sense of awe when in elementary school we were aloud to use the monkey gym but as I grew older I couldn’t see the purpose in climbing something like that.

I felt the same about the structure of videogame worlds/levels.(Zelda)

I felt the same about most novel spaces that had structure

I didn’t feel the same by just looking at pictures, I felt the need to interact.

I don’t really feel the same about natural structures, or way less often, this says something as will be shown in a moment.

Why is this physical exploration of architecture meaningful?:

I had a dream once that I was in my best friends mind and it was this maze with tunnel slides that I could go down but I realized eventually that they were too steep to climb back up again and feared being trapped. This last one is a clue that I perceive and value and am awed and find curiosity in man made structures. I think it is because of how these structures represent the cognitive style of the human who built them. I could just look at blue prints and pictures and even interactive graphics but I would much rather physically enjoy the places. Just like I would rather read a story rather than simply read a bunch of facts. I guess experiencing the architecture physically allows me to experience and wonder at the reasoning behind it, the though processes behind it, in a more natural way.

The reason this is so important for me to realize is because I always thought, way are we exercising, what is the point if there is nothing to get strong for? Just to be strong? Now, at least for me, I realize I can get strong for and by urban exploration/free running/climbing where I find meaning and build knowledge.

Note: all these recent developments came about when I said f*ck money, I want meaning in my life.

Links: Good free running vids(vids that brought me to this epiphany):

and first I was watching speed running vids of ff8 and Chrono-Trigger thinking I’d find cool thoughts based on those…

Video game:     

Rock climbing girl:

Real life exploration:

I might want to try and tweak this or find something that pairs exploration and more specific body-building style training




Now the last post leads me to the thought that just reading and watching stuff all day would become pretty unhealthy pretty fast.

Entertainment that is educational has been/will be a key element of meaning in my life

Introduction: Entertainment that is educational has been/will be a key element of meaning in my life

So I just realized a lot of the most meaningful experiences and educational experiences were from fiction novels, and video games, and tv, and movies, ect. Not only that but I feel that video games, literature, and other entertainment is key in the ever increasing IQ of the human population, the majority of which is not post-secondary school educated. I also realized I have been avoiding doing all of these things. Now though, I realize these are some of the most important things in my life, things that have played a big role in shaping who I am. So the short story is that this might be the conclusion to all the pondering of the last few posts. The I continue my indulging in this entertainment and as I feel inspired, create some of my own. Also while indulging, make notes about what I learn and my reflections and connections I make from what I take in. These plus my observations of my life including problem solving ect, will become blog posts, e-books, ect.

Losing out on Heroism?

My biggest issue with entertainment is the feeling that I’m missing out on something. Like, all the cool things that are happening in the games and stories are things I wish I was doing in real life but I can’t because I am doing these games. I guess I had been feeling an urge adventure like final fantasy, and maybe a sense of importance(although this might be irrelevant as not everyone gets or should hope for a chance to save the world from some sort of doom. Reading story lines which glorify a single hero(or band of heros) seems to breed or cater to a more narcissistic world view. These days I feel the world is to big, and with too many people with too much potential, for anyone to focus on being the world hero. I mean, it fosters a sense of hope that you can do whatever you achieve even if others can’t, but it does so by pitting people against each other in way by glorifying the few which automatically downgrades the rest. I think better would be a concept of everyone doing what they do best and it all helps everyone. I’d rather no one need to be the hero, but otherwise I’d rather at least no one feel the need to be one out of need for validation. Just enjoy life and help where you can ect.

Losing out on Adventure?

Adventure, it seems, isn’t something that you earn by getting the right kind of job, and it isn’t something you go out searching for just for the sake of it, at least not with such a broad scope as, “an adventure”. I think adventure happens when you either want to discover something that you know could hold many possibilities or if you have a goal that will require you doing a lot of new things and will involve a lot of unforeseen events taking place. For example, talking to a stranger or even more narrow, talking to a stranger you find sexually attractive. You two talk and decide to meet again, from there it could go in so many directions but it will be an adventure. Another example, well Ash ketch-em from Pokemon, wanted to be a Pokemon master and that took him on all kinds of adventures. So really, if someone decided they wanted to play in MTG tournaments around the world, they should expect it to be an adventure. I mean, it wont be the type of adventure where you have to fend for you life and possible kill a man, but honestly, that type of adventure, although glorified in today’s entertainment, is not fun. y’know, like, you would like some ptsd to go with your jail time? Also what is the difference between a discovery of science or the physical world and a personal discovery of some cool idea in literature. If it’s meaningful to a persons life, that’s all that should matter. To me, hearing about new scientific discoveries is cool but pales in comparison to a good read.

One way conversation

Another problem I had was related to pride or even simply self-efficacy I guess when I felt that I was just taking in information from these sources of entertainment and learning. I place a lot of importance on my intelligence so I guess I felt like it was an extremely one way experience and like, “will it always be them talking, me listening, as if they will always remain the knowledgeable and me the lacking, the needing?”. I mean I’d have no problem with meeting someone who can teach me a lot of new things, and I hold myself responsible for improving my intellect as needed independent of it’s level relative to others. I guess I just can’t handle it when I feel like, “I’ve thought of that, I could have written this, I know all this already, why are you still telling all these things I don’t need to hear?” Now I realize it isn’t like that exactly. I am choosing to observe the thoughts of humans. The authors/producers ect are humans and I experience them and their knowledge through their work. Then I come to my own conclusions. This is self-directed learning based on what I find interesting, and I’ll make sure I don’t stick to something if it isn’t teaching me something new. Also, humans are naturally social and this socializing is a very efficient means of building knowledge. I am not interested in proving my ability to survive and build knowledge on my own. Then I write about my conclusions for other people to benefit from, and I guess for self-expression so it not one way and by me expressing my self, it because more meaningful as someone else gets to read what I’ve thought and maybe use it for something meaningful. Ultimately I am interested in living a meaningful life and for me this includes other humans ect.

Links: For reasons why someone may want to read more literature(or I guess play video games with good stories)

Thank-you for reading, I hope you enjoyed. Feel free to comment, like, subscribe, more developments to come!

Journal 18/04/2014: Meaningful Direction Brainstorm: Celestine Prophecy: Interests: People, Lives

Idea: find things that bring me energy because then I’ll have energy to give back like Celestine prophecy style.

Note: knowing that doing something I’m interested in will add to my life and knowing that the knowledge can be given to others.
Note: I don’t have to pick just one thing and actually should have many bcause variety and novelty are important for me.

Defining “adds to my life” I do this to compare it to the ideal of the scientist or inventor to adds tangible product to his world:

By add to my life I mean learning how to solve a problem or add pleasure in a way that requires me to learn and grow. So it wont be just like jerking off to porn which in the end adds no joy. So whatever things add to my life will be empowering. Also Curiosity is strong in me for things I feel it for and this adds meaning to my life and especially when I can share my findings/discoveries, with others. So meaning for me(energy in) and knowledge to share(energy out)

What adds to my life the most in that I find interest in it and learn and grow from it

Strongest: I have a strong desire to know more people, and their lives, how they think ect, as well as my self and my life and how I think.

So in general Psych, sociology, philosophy, language, ect. And for these areas I enjoy learning and creating both fiction and non-fiction. Although within these fields I need the freedom to learn only what about it interests me, not forcing myself to learn what others think I should. At times one of these becomes most interesting if it solves a problem, especially phil which I call what I am doing now, phil.

Next is having fun with people. Listening to music, ect. These add meaning but usually more incidental learning.

Next is expressing myself(through fictional or artistic means) although I guess I don’t often have the motivation to do it. ALSO I get most of my motivation for this when I am inspired by some event or revelation or feeling. Often something social(poetry: relationship/friendship) or involves people(movies, books, videogames for AMVs) and also I often need to know that people will connect with what I show otherwise why bother.

Authenticity and the disadvantaged:

I wonder if everyone has an area of learning/doing/ect where if everyone did it, everyone would be happy and have enough energy to pass around to anyone who they could help, resulting in everyone who needed help, getting that help. The problem we have now at least in the most powerful country in the world is that people don’t like poverty/weakness ect. They see it as a burden. Why is this? What I wonder is if a person with energy coming in has enough that they feel inspired to give of their abundance to whoever they can including those in need. Or maybe they just give to who ever wants what they have to offer and leave the rest. Would that still be enough if more people did it instead of trying to be something inauthentic?

On thinking vs creating value:

Photography seems cool. Taking pictures of people and life, hmmm. I mean, if I really NEEDED to fend for myself, and do programming ect, I could. I’d still do the minimum I’d have to in order to get by though because excelling in something just for the sake of it, having more stuff just for the sake of it, is not fulfilling for me. It’s not freeing. I need to be authentic. I still find myself being obsessed with people like ENFJs ect. It’s often people who do cool things. Does this make me just an observer, never doing cool things of my own? No, it makes me authentic. Also if I reflect and come up with more inspired ideas, that is the cool things I do. Does it matter that I don’t create something tangible or something that can be sold? No, I think we have enough consumer products. I want to gain energy. I want to be the most authentic version of myself. If I create something, I want it to be out of love.

Note: Hanging out with friends will be separate from planned study of people though, although if I am inspired by observations of my life or theirs or them ect, of course I’ll note it, but  No, I don’t want to do hang out just for the sake of being productive.


Here is a link to a blog that has a lot of information on NP types and how they are as writers, which I feel can be generalized to how they feel about learning and improving and self-expression and meaning stuff because that is usually what we write about

Here is a link to a forum where an ENTP discusses with others about how he is interested in people and not in technology and the conclusion is that he is still an NT and many are this way:


Thank-you for reading, and please feel free to comment with thoughts and to subscribe for more developments!

Journal 17/04/2014 Meaningful Directions for ENTP Brainstorm: Public Policy, social work, philosophy, investing

Technology alone would not give me a sense of purpose because it doesn’t give me as much of a sense of power as philosophy does because most of my problems have been solved by philosophy, not technology. However, do I even want to work on starting a business, or do I want to focus on making a more people oriented change on the world. My background in dragonball z, sword of truth, ect, has given me a sense of heroism. Or maybe I was just attracted to that idea. Also I seem to always been in the midst of some interpersonal intercultural conflicts and unlike most people, I deal with them in healthy ways so that I retain my health.

I don’t think I’ll ever find programming as meaningful as I’ll find interpersonal conflict resolution. On the one hand, I feel like social work is me doing good only because people have issues. With programming I am creating value that I don’t see as valuable compared to social work. Also I feel like my ideas are more valuable that coding web development or personal training of one person at a time. I guess as far as creating value, I would focus on investing strategically, and hiring people to do shit, not on doing the minor detail stuff. Expect when totally necessary which is never otherwise I would be doing that because it would mean it was meaningful enough because if it’s something important but no one wants to do it, maybe I would. Working in policy would give me the ability to use my strengths and focused o he big picture of society and changing it for the better for myself which means I’m empowered, and for others which gives me meaning.

Ways people find meaning + Philosophy Journalism is what I seem to do

Ways to look at meaning in life

1) Meaningful work done to help others
1a) Selflessly
1b) something you also want
1c) something you find interesting(maybe this always impies 1b)

2) Meaningful work being true to self only
2a) sociopathic stype
2b)Just focused on whatever you enjoy hoping to get paid
2c) if you actually love helping people so much(impied 1/1a)
3) Meaningful life 1 or 2, + work for money separatly

4) Meaningful life 1 or 2, + Passionate/Interesting Work Separatly

Another way I looked at the question of what I would enjoy doing that is meaningful enough to me and productive enough that it actually empowers me and therefore empowers anyone I share it with. Not as something to do for money nessesarily, just something I can’t not do. Something I know I must obsess over because it is just so good for me and therefore for others.

I stopped googling for a second and thought for myself and came up with “philosophy” which makes sense considering what I’m typing right now. It really seems to be the greatest source of empowerment in my life. I might not be able to teach kids in africa my philosphies ect but I do think philosophy will lead me to solutions to many problems in the world. If not, it will lead me to a dead end and I will at least know there is a dead end there, instead of never making a choice on what path to take.

I feel like beyond how much I use philosophy, I tend to enjoy it or other interesting concepts in fiction, sciece fiction, ect. So it seems that philosophy may be one of those things I will always have an interest in which would make it the perfect candidate for my education, and blogging, ect. It will be meaningful to me because it makes me happy and empowered to be happier. Nothing else seems to have that power.

I also had the idea that maybe ENTPs shouldn’t try to find one meaningful path and should allow ourselves to do more in the moment educating beyond what we would need for a specific career path. Basically lots of good movies, video games, books, art music, fun shit especiallly that has philosophical message and create my own philosophies as needed. I especially want to allow myself to ponder and wonder at all the little but awe inspiring realities of my life as it pans out.

It’s not that philosophy alone will dominate what I do or think about. Just that I will make an effor to keep it fed through media input and continue to use it to solve my problems, but now as well, use it to solve the worlds problems as well. My developing philosophcal abilities as well as whatever other knowledge areas I need to draw from for the specific problem. This is what I imagine when I think of like, some mysterious genius guy or girl who has the answers to everything. Especially when it comes to helping other people, I think where possible, it’s better to tell them how to solve their own problems, give them the knowledge, the philosophy, instead of charity. Knowledge can be used, built on, and paid forward. Charity, is to make-believe that you are responsible for someone else’s life.

This isn’t to say I wouldn’t give somone CPR if they needed it. It’s just to say I think considering who I am, I may have more to offer as a provider of knowledge for whoever I can reach, than an english teacher in a 3rd world country. If I find that, I am not making money doing this thinking, but AM making a huge difference, I might be willing to work whatever job so I can focus on the thinking. Or at least make the thinking top priorety in my life so that my life retains meaning. It feels weird to call what I do philosophy or philosophizing. Those words have so much stigma. I only do it because it is a category, a field. It seems if something doesn’t have a category, it doesn’t have importance, at least in the view of society. Names give things power. If what I do has no name or no known name, will people respect it. I call it philosophy for the sake of giving an understandable description of what I do. To be honest though, philosophy is what someone else does. It’s what is done by the person who coined the term. What I do… is figure out how to get what I want in life.

Journalism meaningful? (More directly addresses my goals?)

I’ve been low on sleep so I have opinions that could change by tmr, but here is mine right now and the argument for it which hopefully is valid.

what isn’t meaningful enough

Wondering if journalism is for me. I don’t have any overwhelming things I want to dedicate my life to. I like music, creative writing, and other art. I also like fitness and health. However, these are just things I do. Also I have school for psych so I have a back up that I have an interest in as well. However, when it comes to doing something meaningful, none of these stick out as super meaningful in the way that I feel driven to pursue them immediately. I just have an urge to be doing something to help the world, and it’s not that I am overly empathetic although I am somewhat empathetic. It’s more that I can’t imagine not doing something to help people and help our human experience in general. It’s not that music or psychology wouldn’t be helping. I just feel that unless I approach the world problems head on I don’t think my problem solving skills would be fully utilized.

why I avoid leadership type jobs

I feel like in the past, like as a kid, I must have been told not to boss people around or even try to change peoples decisions. Not as in, everyone should have there own opinion, ofcourse they should. I mean I feel someone told me at some point, not to be a leader, or something. I just get this feeling when I think about what I might have to do with my life. Not be a leader per say. It’s just that I know when someone is doing something questionable or unethical and why it isn’t of benefit to anyone, even them, to do that thing. I feel it’s my place somehow to lead people in more healthy directions than human trafficking and other crazy shit people do.

Why I should maybe do it

So it’s not that I’m shy, I’m pretty outspoken in public. Just that I guess I will get comfortable with the idea of writing to actually change peoples ways of thinking, for their benefit, and that of everyone around them. I just feel the best way to make a difference in a world where most of our problems are cause by us, is to address us. A lot of people seem to hate advice. Iunno, maybe I’ll have to be confrontational in that I’ll give it anyway.  It also feels like, can it be this easy. Just tell people that they should do this and not do that. I mean maybe most people wont listen, but at least I’m being authentic with my desires. I want people to stop snubbing each other for not being rich and dressing fancy. I want people to stop looking down on each other for super abstract reasons that have no bearing on today’s reality. I want people to stop hating themselves and wake up to how beautiful life can actually be otherwise.

am I feeling the passion?

final fantasy soundtrack:

It could be that it’s late at night, but when I play music now, and think about this as a course of action, it fits surprisingly well into what I would call a meaningful experience. I mean, I’m playing final fantasy 10 soundtrack and think about the fact that I would actually be fighting a battle against people who don’t see things the way I do. It feels right. I am intentionally allowing myself to sound a bit douchy because I guess I’m just seeing things this way for the first time in a while. That it’s ok to not hide in the back ground and just make a salary. If I authentically see a path in telling people what they should be doing, or at least suggesting what could be better than what they are currently doing, or what could also be good lol,and help figure out solutions to problems, then I shouldn’t force myself to hide and lead only by example.

Thoughts on process

hmmm, even within journalism I’ll still have to focus on a few key areas, I guess I’ll have so pick ones I’m interested like psychology(so I guess curiosity will play a factor), and maybe how it relates to some of the problems in economy, politics, crime, corruption, ect.  I can’t at this point see anything more meaningful than this. Maybe tmr tho… lol. Also I will still write about anything else cool I enjoy writing about if I go this route. Also I wouldn’t be doing this for the money, I’d be doing it for meaning and only meaning. I mean if I get a job doing it, it will be because I want to work for whatever company because they can help me with my vision, or a believe in there’s, I wont be focusing on money though, just on having something worth while to me to work towards in my life.

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